May 27, 2009

Whenever the LGBT community sits down for conversation, the subject of organized religion invariably comes up and with it, the fact we have been ostracized by the church. Arguably this is where much of the discrimination against the community originates.

This past Friday something unique happened in Charlotte. Members of Charlotte Interfaith Connection completed a mass mailing to every church and faith community in the city. My count was 411 but there may have been more and we may have inadvertantly missed a couple. I will say we did not mail the fundamentalist churches. We must pick our battles and will mail them later. No one is ever written off. Besides which, we will no doubt see them at Pride.

We sent a letter asking each house of worship where they are with the issue of Open & Affirming and included a questionnaire along with a return envelope. The phrase, 'if you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done' comes to mind. This was something I never thought I would see but there is nothing more important.

The content of the responses will determine how we word the brochure we will distribute at Pride Charlotte in July. As I said, this is rather unique.


I don't talk a lot about my personal life, mainly because I'm a private person but something happened recently that completely overwhelmed me.

I'm one of those people who finds writing easier in a coffee house surrounded by people. Brueggers Bagel has become a favorite. If you go to these places often enough, you become friends with the people there. It's like a Cheers bar except you drink coffee and drive home wide awake.

Two weeks ago my friend Ronda was off work but had left me a card. It was a thank you card for being so kind to her and touching her life. The first thought I had was what I always manage to work into my remarks when I'm invited to speak. There was a time long ago, before transition when I would have been afraid to even go in the place. I had to allow myself to become vulnerable in life in order to become strong. I had to be willing to fail. It's about being the person you were created. Ronda when you read this, you know how important you are in my life also. I have framed that card because it is significant on a number of levels.

Sometimes we don't realize the lessons we have learned until something happens to bring back the memories of the not so good days. Many in our community have plenty of those days.

A few friends and I will be having dinner at Denny's very soon. Why is that important? This link will explain. This stuff makes me nuts.

I alluded to community dialogue at the beginning of this post. We are doing exactly that at the LGBT Community Center the evening of June 23. I continually hear trans people say the gay community doesn't 'get us'. They are often right. Sometimes we don't get them. We can begin to do something about that with the roundtable discussion.


It is also gratifying to have the continuing opportunity to interact on transgender issues with Equality North Carolina. If you'd like to take a look at their interesting blog, you can see it here. My dear friend, Robbi made the post for this past Monday.

Their website is regularly updated to keep up with pending legislation in North Carolina.

To end today on a personal note, some friends wonder how I stay so optimistic, at least most of the time. I'm one of those people who always assumes everything will work out for the best. Things pretty much always do. This one is a little harder. I have a two month old grandson I have not seen. I have seen his photos on my son's Myspace front page. He's such a fine looking boy. Ever the optimist, I know the one constant in life is change. This too will work out for the best. It always does.

Break the Silence Before the Violence

This Saturday May 16 will be two years since the murder of Sean Kennedy. There will be a candlelight vigil in Greenville, SC this coming Sunday at 6 PM. It's hard to comprehend that there would even be debate on hate crime and anti bullying legislation both at the state and federal level.



There has been a less than overwhelming response to the passing of Virginia Prince. At most there have been announcements and a brief description of her as a pioneer in many of the blogs and newsgroups. Many may disagree but this is not an altogether bad thing. As I said, we respect the pioneers but look to the future. Unfortunately there are a few yet today who would remain mired in the past. To those who feel that way, I remind you again our future lies in a united LGBT community. The days of closeted support groups are over if indeed they ever were a good idea. The fear or the inability to change can stifle a support group as easily as it can an individual.

Homophobia is alive and well

The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act was reintroduced in the United States Senate last week. On April 29, North Carolina Representative Virginia Foxx made the statement that Matthew Shepard's murder was not a hate crime, but a robbery gone bad.

You can read about it and view the video via Media Matters and The Equality NC Blog.

Aside from calling attention to Rep. Foxx's absurd comments, I want to say well done to the good people at PFLAG Winston Salem. People of passion always stand up when the time comes and these folks definitely are. They are planning a number of events and/or actions. If any of you should read this, I salute you in whatever you do. You are an inspiration.

The implication that Matthew Shepard's murder was not a hate crime is beyond the pale. Coincidentally Elke Kennedy has been in Washington the last week. I hope we will be able to announce some new elements to the outreach and educational initiative's of Sean's Last Wish soon. The second year since Sean's murder is May 16.


Virginia Prince has passed away. She was the original founder of Free Personality Expression, which has been known as Tri Ess for many years. Anyone who was close to the transgender community in years past knows the controversy surrounding Virginia. The issue of a closed versus open group was debated in 1970 and, amazingly to me, continues to rear it's head here and there.

I was always on the side of total inclusion since I've always had this thing about embracing diversity. I said recently that those who advocate a closed group are on the wrong side of history. In hindsight, I believe that is incorrect. It was on the right side of history in 1960 when it was illegal to walk out the door crossdressed. Today it is on the wrong side of the future.

Times have thankfully changed, as have we. The question now is that of unified community. To debate whether to be unified is no longer an option. It is tantamount to a discussion of the validity of a person's skin color. I suggest to those who would even question whether the trans community should be part of the broader LGBT community, it's a non issue. We are forever joined and our cause is the same, the right to be who we are.

While we should honor and respect those who have paved the way, or as I often say, provided the shoulders upon which we stand, we must look to the future. What worked in 1960 won't work in 2010. People grow and a community grows. Thank heaven for it!

Melanie is doing better after the fall. I would have bet we'd have her in the hospital this week but she's actually doing pretty well, a little banged up but hanging in there.

May 4, 2009

Charlotte Gender Alliance will be two years old June 1st. The organization has come a long way since the first meeting when we had four of us around a dinner table. I knew it was the right thing to do. We also know any organization's greatest asset is it's people. I knew it was a good idea last year when we began rotating facilitators each month. It keeps ideas flowing and perhaps more important, brings new people into a position of leadership.

I also knew it was a good idea when we moved into The Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Community Center this past January. If anything, that has been the pivotal move for the organization. It's helped build bridges to the community and let us developed allies a lot of friends were never able to understand.

I could easily let myself become spread thin these days but that hasn't happened. The fact we have people of passion with leadership ability stepping to the forefront is why our organization will be a strong force for unity and education for a long time to come. Most of all, it will be about support. Above all it will be as stated on our banner and website, "Diversity will not only be respected; it will be honored". It will never be any other way.

I might also add it's a privilege to serve on The Board of Trustees at The Community Center. We have some good things ahead so stay tuned.

Anyone who has known me more than five minutes knows about my dear kindred spirit, Melanie. We had a scare this weekend. She's had trouble with her back for months. She slipped on gravel and hit her head on the car door over the weekend. We took her to the hospital for a possible concussion but the real problem became with her back. On a ten scale, her pain was a ten. She's resting but I suspect we'll be getting her to her personal physician next week. This one scared me.