Pamela Jones' Blog

Peace on Earth

2010-12-23T07:01:00.000-05:00

Below is the text of a piece I wrote December 23rd, 2006. It's pretty simple but seems appropriate again this year.

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me".

I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing or the freedom from trouble which we desire? As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace.

As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

going away?

2010-12-22T22:53:00.000-05:00

A couple people have asked why I've posted very little recently. Some probably think I've quietly faded into the night. That almost happened, but that time is apparently not quite yet.

I won't go into personal details but I came face to face with my own mortality three months ago. I had not felt well for some months and became violently ill in early September. Coincidentally I already had a doctor appointment scheduled. Within an hour of that appointment I was in the emergency room having a CT scan. The results of that scan indicated I may have a life threatening condition.

I had emergency abdominal surgery that night. The next morning the doctor said what they thought they saw wasn't there after all. That was the good news. The bad news was they didn't know what was wrong. The next week was spent in the hospital with one day full of unforeseen complications. It was that evening I realized things were not going well.

It was during that night that I came to realize the faith I had for so long was really true. It's something I had always known but there was a quiet assurance that, no matter what happened, it was going to be all right.

You hear people talk about an epiphany, seeing the light or hearing voices. There was none of that. The nurse came in the next morning and asked why I felt so much better. It was as though I lay in that hospital room during the night with my mind playing sermons I'd heard over the years. I can still hear 1 John 4:4 even now, "the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.."

It can be a pretty amazing feeling when you know that no matter what the future holds, your future is secure. I have to say it's also amazing when you live to tell about it. I am moved to tears even now to think about that time.

I still have days when I don't feel well, but I've gained some of the weight I lost and am becoming more active. One thing I do know; I will never look at life, or death, in quite the same way. I've said that before but this experience gives a different perspective. Much of what used to be important, really isn't.

So here we are three days before Christmas. I think of my church, my faith, family and friends. I can't think of anything else I could ever need. As I have often said, when we think we have hit bottom, that may be our feet touching our foundation. That can be a pretty cool feeling, pretty cool indeed. The question becomes, how strong is our foundation?

The Transgender Day of Remembrance

2010-11-20T12:14:00.002-05:00

Today, November 20th, is The Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day set aside to honor those transgender women and men who have lost their lives only because of who they are. We must not forget those who are walking through each day in a 'living death', barely surviving today and dreading the sunrise of tomorrow.

There are observances around the world this evening, including Charlotte, Greensboro, Raleigh and Myrtle Beach in the Carolinas.The list of names we read is long again this year. You can see them here.

Below is the text of my remarks one year ago this evening. Unfortunately nothing has changed this last year.

If there is to be a better future, we must disturb the present.

If we speak eloquently of the quest for human dignity but lack the courage to put words into action, aren’t they no more than empty words?

If we cannot grant others that dignity which we would claim for ourselves, do we not do an injustice to ourselves and others?

We may wake up each morning wondering if this is the day that our true self will become apparent and if we will be the next to be judged as worthy of violence.

There are people in this room who have lost everything they had in order to be all they were meant to be. The miracle is in learning that our own dignity is worth the price.

Many of us spend a lifetime trying conform to what others think we should be, rather than who we were intended to be. There eventually comes a time when the need to be a real person takes precedence over all else. There comes that defining moment when we must take off the mask and become genuine. Before we can give the world our best, we must first give ourselves our best. We learn that it really is okay to be who we are, no matter who we are.

It is in these defining moments when we learn how to live, rather than to merely survive, when we feel that spark of hope that lies within each of us and come to the realization that our lives have a higher purpose than we ever dreamed.

Tonight we stand upon the shoulders of those who have paved the way for us. Some day people will gather and speak of the progress we made, or the lack of it.

History will be our final judge but above all, may no person have reason to ask, “Why did you wait so long to live?”

Charlotte Interfaith Connection

2010-05-30T23:59:00.001-04:00

I posted recently that contributions at the Aids Walk last month went a long way towards stocking our toiletry pantry. We are at the point of readiness to begin coordinating with RAIN to distribute the items on a regular basis.

This outreach was the vision of my dear friend, Charley. RAIN has evolved from care for the dying to compassionate care for the living. The Charlotte Interfaith Connection shows again that when we begin an outreach, we never know what other doors will open and how we, and others, will be touched.

I visited with my dear friends in the Women Connecting For Justice group at Holy Covenant United Church of Christ this past Wednesday evening. It was exciting to see good friends for the first time in a while. Their contribution to our RAIN pantry is most appreciated. Holy Covenant UCC is one of the faith communities partnering with us in this outreach.

Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. This past Friday was my ex wife's birthday. Unfortunately, I will not be able to speak with either of them. It will always be illogical that so many of us lose so much in order to be who we are. I think often of my friends where I worked 20 years. If any of you read this, know I miss you all. You have my continued respect and friendship.

We need to remind ourselves from time to time that so many people sacrifice most of who they are to conform to what others think they should be. We can do this to a degree, perhaps even for a lifetime. However, what we have traded eventually becomes evident. There comes that time when a person decides whether to take off the mask, or continue a day to day existence that doesn't even meet the definition of 'existence'. That is when we decide whether to really live. For me personally, the decision to not live was not an option.

Day of Action

2010-05-26T23:27:00.003-04:00

Within the climate of acceptance we enjoy today, I often reflect on the progress we have made as transgender people in the 41 years since the Stonewall Riots.

Tuesday, May 25 was one of those times of comparison. Equality NC organized the Day of Action, an opportunity to sit down with our legislators in Raleigh, NC and share our views on the most pressing issues we face. To meet with the legislators is one of those opportunities we once would have never imagined.

Equally important was a series of workshops during the day on issues ranging from Advocacy 101 to the Aids Drug Assistance Program. For a complete overview of these, and other issues, visit the Equality NC website.

One session that struck a cord personally was 'Speaking With Legislators From a Faith Based Perspective'. The presenter was Jack McKinney, former pastor of Pullen Memorial Baptist Church in Raleigh. He made the point that we have allowed the most intolerant to take control of the playing field.

That statement speaks volumes. It's time for people of faith, and no small amount of courage, to leave the bleachers and get on the playing field. There is no question that most of the ostracism faced by LGBT people is a result of religion based bigotry.

Each of us carries our own set of personal biases, even if on a subconscious level. There comes a time for us, as Christians, to search our own heart and bring that prejudice into the light of day. To do otherwise would mean we ourselves are not living a life of authenticity.

Third anniversary of Sean Kennedy's murder

2010-05-17T00:02:00.006-04:00

I have learned to be aware that when I attend one event, there is a strong likelihood that God will open another door to something equally, or more, significant.

In 2008, I visited the venue for the HRC gala in Charlotte, neither as a protestor, nor a guest, but for an Educational Initiative with my friend Angela. The occasion was only months after the ENDA debacle in which transgender inclusion had been dropped in hopes of getting a bill through congress. Our reason for being there was honorable and the Educational Initiative was a success.

The memory of that weekend centers on neither the gala nor ENDA, but on a chance meeting that grew into a friendship. We were invited to speak to a group of students from Campus Pride that morning. Also speaking was Elke Kennedy, mother of Sean Kennedy. Upon hearing both her passion and compassion, anything I had to say became insignificant. She spoke of standing strong in the cause of human rights, never wavering and accepting oneself.

Sean had been murdered in Greenville, SC less than a year earlier. As a young gay man, he was accosted leaving a local night spot. The blow to his face knocked him to the curb with enough force to separate his brain from the brain stem. Sean lived a few hours.

Within days, Elke had formed an organization dedicated to'ending the hate', Sean's Last Wish.

Today is the third anniversary of Sean's murder. Elke commemorated the day by attending the first Pride event in Charleston, SC, Sean's hometown. You can view the news coverage here. I spoke with her this evening and she is still excited about being in Charleston for their event. She is naturally sad, but her strength remains.

We have so often seen a tragedy turned into a force for good. Total strangers are moved to tears by the power of Elke's message. As I have often told her, no one can tell the story like a mother. I think God means it to be that way.

Charlotte Aids Walk

2010-05-12T00:58:00.001-04:00

The AIDS Walk took place in Charlotte May 1st. I've been to a lot of Prides, but this was my first AIDS Walk. It's pretty amazing when approximately 2500 people come together for a worthy cause.

The Charlotte Interfaith Connection has partnered with RAIN (Regional Aids Interfaith Network) to maintain a pantry with toiletries which patients are not provided through other social services. There were two SUV's collecting toiletries from the participants at the Walk which means the pantry at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church is sufficiently stocked to give us a head start. We are seeking other faith communities to maintain the pantry one month each year.

The Carolinas Gender Odyssey was going to be a June event similar to other conferences around the country. Scheduled were breakout sessions, a talent show and a formal ball. I speak in the past tense as the planning committee has announced postponement of the event until next year. There are a number of reasons but the attendance clearly was not going to be as hoped.

Former world heavyweight wrestling champion, Gene Kiniski, passed away last month. I've written a few times that my friends don't know the side of me that has the abiding interest in the history of wrestling, unless they read this blog.

Gene has been discussed at length on the Wrestling Legends newsgroup. The conversation has had me thinking of our LGBT community. Sometimes I think everything leads me back to the LGBT community. In any case, the wrestling newsgroup has one characteristic I appreciate, courtesy and respect. Whether they were in the business, or just old time fans, everyone is held in the same high regard. I try and imagine what we could accomplish in the way of true LGBT unity if we did the same.

Recovering The Spirit -N- Me

2010-04-26T12:21:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, there was a conference in Winston Salem, NC which is similar to Carolinas Gender Odyssey. Recovering The Spirit -N- Me was presented by Church of the Holy Spirit Fellowship. I was invited to make a few remarks during Sunday worship. It was an honor to be in worship with those good people. Wonderful things are happening in that church and the community. Below is a photo with my dear friend Krista (left) and her partner, Terri.

A transgender person was murdered in Charlotte, NC April 3. Read about it here. These things happen all too often, almost to the point of being routine. I think we will learn she was a trans woman living fulltime. Whether this was a bias motivated hate crime, we still don't know. I have already expressed a concern about rushing to judgment before we know all the facts. I have my strong opinion, but until we know, we risk our future credibility being put into question.

That becomes a concern, 'future credibility'. Transgender people often do to each other, the very thing we abhor. We stereotype each other and are unable to honor the diversity which we claim to embrace.

In the weeks after the Tony Alston murder, there was a discussion locally about whether a fund raising event called a 'drag race' was appropriate. I get it. These fundraisers happen all the time. I do think it's not the best PR, but it is what it is. Within days, the issue became not about the fund raiser, but the right of respected transgender people to express a strongly felt opinion without without their integrity being called into question, or accused of making anti gay comments.

A lot of transgender people have been knocked around pretty hard in this world, as has the gay community. I long ago lost count of the number of people who desire a position of leadership, but when crunch time came, they were unable to honor an opinion different from theirs. The result is always the same. If a person is not what they say they are, it always comes to the surface and is seen for what it is. We will always be judged by our actions. This is exactly as it should be.

The National Day of Silence - April 16, 2010

2010-04-15T23:33:00.004-04:00

Friday, April 16th, is officially the National Day of Silence observance, a day set aside on high school and college campuses around the nation to pause in silence to remember those who have been the victim of bullying or hate crimes.

Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC had their observance yesterday and last night. I was invited to visit with members of GloBal, the Gay-Straight Alliance and it was everything I knew it would be. It was an honor to be with them when it was time to Break the Silence. There were laughter and tears and it's okay that some of the tears were mine. When I look in the eyes of these young men and women, I see the courage that is going to change the future. I like to say they are the people who are going to make the future become the present.

I find it ironic that when we have supposedly mature LGBT people still trying to decide how, or even whether, to come together as one real community, these people have already done it. When I was at Winthrop two years ago for the observance, the photo I took with the students became my favorite. Most of them have graduated, but the photo we took last night is again my favorite, not because I am in it, but who is in it with me. They said it was cool to put the photo on my blog and I appreciate that. I hope to see you all again soon! As always, click on the photo to enlarge.

While last night was with the university students at Winthrop, exactly 24 hours earlier I was at the second Gay & Gray Progressive Dinner sponsored by the Centralina Area Agency on Aging. Someone joked with me about the dichotomy between the two events. I see none at all. When you have people interested in advocacy for the marginalized, I do not see age as a criteria. As I said at both events, the time we have left is not the real issue. It is what we do with that time left. The concept is the same whether a person is 21 or 71.

I initially became involved with the Area Agency on Aging last April when I was the luncheon speaker at their conference. I have told them many times that day became more than an important speech. It opened my mind to the needs of LGBT seniors and issues we all will face as we age. They have some interesting events ahead and I'm thrilled whenever I can be with them. Linda, Debi and Marilyn have become good friends. Their compassion for a marginalized segment of an already marginalized community is more important than most of us even realize.

Afternoons with Joyce

2010-04-15T00:15:00.002-04:00

There is a book titled 'Tuesdays With Morrie', the lessons learned by a former student as his professor battles ALS, I find myself thinking about someday writing 'Afternoons With Joyce'.

I met Joyce several months ago during one of my marathon days of coffee and writing. We struck up a conversation and became fast friends. Joyce is originally from London, survived The Blitz and is a wonderful conversationalist. Our topics range from world affairs to cooking, to child rearing. She either waits for me, or I wait for her, depending on who gets there first. She's older than I am, which is saying a lot. I find her intellect so refreshing. I've enjoyed getting to know her daughter and grandchildren.

She spends summers in Canada with her husband and will be leaving within the next couple weeks. We will keep in touch and I will do something special for her when she comes back to Charlotte next fall to spend winter with her daughter. She is healthy and I pray that continues well into the future

Certain things put life into perspective. I spent a lifetime planning my transition. There were all the years of planning and worry, the electrolysis, counseling, a number of surgeries and all the losses so many of us endure. Then I realized what it was all about, and it's really pretty simple. The 'Afternoons With Joyce' were all I ever wanted. I mean that in the sense of living a normal life, having friends, church activities and all the things that give life meaning. Has it been worth it? You betcha.

My good friend, and favorite hairdresser, Swooz Glenn, got to know Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx during her own outreach work. She had her photo made with His Honor this past Monday. I told her I wanted to put it in my blog and she said that was cool. If you are close to Charlotte and want a good hair stylist who is a wonderful person, let me know and I will connect you with Swooz.

I'm doing more public speaking events these days, something I dearly love. This past Friday, I did a presentation at the Southern Organization for Human Services conference in Charlotte. It's important to speak to the helping professionals on LGBT issues. Their attendance is indicative of their own commitment to diversity. A social worker often asks what to do if a client has LGBT issues. My answer is to remember the limitations of your own knowledge and to be aware of your resources. Many of us seek multiple therapists before finding someone who has even heard of the SOC or is knowledgeable in hormone therapy.

I don't take many photos these days. A common theme I have observed is that before going full time, we often take all the photos we can. It's sort of like a validation of who we are. Once post transition, that need for validation is no longer there. Living one's life is it's own validation. Anyway, I took a photo before the conference Friday. I'm not fond of it, but several friends said I seem so content and happy. When we are able to not worry how we look in each photo, life is much less stress filled. For what it's worth, the photo is below.

'You are who you are'

2010-04-08T21:09:00.001-04:00

I have one particular coffee house where I go constantly. I joke with them that it's like Cheers, except you drive home wide awake. I've become very good friends there with Ronda, one of the employees. She gave me a poem titled, 'You are who you are for a reason'. It applies not only to the LGBT community, but to a world seeking answers. I want to repeat it here.

You are who you are for a reason. You're part of an intricate plan. You're a precious, perfect and unique design called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason. Our God made no mistake. He knit you together within the womb; you're just the person He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose, no matter how you may feel. They were custom designed with God's plan in mind and they bear The Master's seal.

Know that the trauma you faced was not easy, and God wept that it hurt you so. But it was allowed to shape your heart so that in His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason. You've been formed by The Master's hand. You are who you are, beloved, because there is a God!

Russell Keffer

I told Ronda I wanted to enter this in my blog. It speaks to the overwhelming depression that exists within the transgender and LGB community. I thought of Christine Daniels and the segment Bryant Gumbel did on HBO Real Sports this month. This is gut wrenching stuff. People have lost everything, only for the sake of being who they are.

But the reality is....we can join the ranks of the over comers by wrapping our minds around the concept that 'we are who we are for a reason'. Thanks, Ronda!

Carolinas Gender Odyssey and other events

2010-03-20T18:25:00.000-04:00

During the weekend of June 3rd, the first event of it's kind is going to take place in the Carolinas, Carolinas Gender Odyssey. Take a look at our website and the list of events. Then don't forget to register.

A lot of people remember the Magnolia Ball that was held in Charlotte for many years. A different group was the sponsor and it drew people from all over the southeast and beyond. If the Magnolia Ball was all that took place that weekend, it would be huge. Factor in the Friday night talent show, Saturday workshops, art display, Sunday brunch and it's a monumental event.

I've written about the Gay & Gray events at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center which are sponsored by the Centralina Area Agency on Aging. They are beginning a series of Progressive Dinners this coming Tuesday.

If you live close to Charlotte and would like to join us, we'd love to have you. You don't have to be either gay (or transgender) or gray to attend. Friends and allies are welcome. Visit the website and the link will take you to complete information.

March 19, 2010

2010-03-19T02:21:00.004-04:00

The last weekend in February was the Building a Welcoming Church workshop in Charlotte. This three day event is sponsored by the Institute For Welcoming Resources. I have often said I can think of no more important outreach. I had the privilege of doing a Saturday morning presentation on what it means to be transgender. The one hour session lasted longer than planned, but everyone seemed interested in learning.

The Charlotte Interfaith Connection is the result of the last workshop I attended in 2008. I can't wait to see what will come from this one. One of the best parts of the weekend is networking with like minded people from around the country.

Charlotte Interfaith Connection is beginning a cooperative effort with RAIN - Regional Aids Interfaith Network. There are a number of toiletries for the patients that are not covered by the various social programs. Our goal will be to fill this need by means of a well stocked pantry.

I had a phone call from the NC LGBT newspaper, Q-Notes, a few weeks ago. They said they were doing an article on the movers and shakers in the North Carolina LGBT community. My first question was why were they calling me? Anyhow, the article turned out okay and without any misquotes. I always worry about print interviews, but these are good people. I realized I'm past worrying about how I look in photos these days. You can read the article here.

Last weekend was my first board meeting with Equality NC. It is going to be a pleasure to serve with this organization. We had a meet & greet social downtown Friday evening which gave the new board members an opportunity to get to know each other and the other members. Stay tuned for some good stuff coming from this, particularly the Day of Action taking place May 25.

We're having a Community Roundtable at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center March 23. Our topic this month is LGBT and Reconciling Faith. We've invited a panel of leaders from a number of faith communities in Charlotte.

I said a couple months ago that I don't believe in burn out. I do believe in making best use of time. When I look at the calendar for the last few months and beyond, it's getting full, but I see a common theme of outreach. It all becomes inter connected, and that can only be a good thing.

Melanie had a rushed gall bladder operation last week. I don't use the word 'emergency', but it was pretty close. This surgery is often outpatient now but she was kept overnight and beyond. Her pain has left and she's almost back to normal. I spent the night on a couch in her room. Not only is my makeup the 24 hour kind, it went about 36 hours.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T23:14:00.004-05:00

Valentine's Day always holds bittersweet memories, often leaning towards the 'bitter'; not as in angry, but melancholy. My marriage broke up ten years ago this day. I had already planned for a church related activity, but it also helped lighten my mood.

To my amazement, Facebook also lightens my mood. I never posted to these groups until the last few months. I must say, it's entertaining to read what acquaintances are doing hour by hour. I still can't see the lure of Farmville or the others. I woke up one morning and someone had tried to send me a supply of fuel for my tractor. Strange..

After all these years, I still see the same thread of conversation on some of the Yahoo groups. Specifically, how do we feel about other people seeing us as part of the LGB community, or even being considered 'transgender'.

The real question is not so much what uninformed people think of us, but who do we say we are? More importantly, are we really who we say we are? I speak not only in terms of gender identity, but integrity. With so many pressing issues facing us and our world, for the answer to be 'no', would be disastrous. Those of us involved in outreach and support will be judged not by what we say, but by what we do. It should be no other way.

The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center will present a Community Roundtable Thursday evening - the topic, 'Aging and the LGBT Community'. The Centralina Area Agency on Aging is hosting a series of Progressive Dinners beginning in March. This week is intended to be a segue to these dinners. I'm not sure the community in Charlotte realizes the importance of the Agency on Aging reaching out as yet. As we spread the word, I hope, and believe, we will raise awareness.

I'm going to have another hour or so of electrolysis. It's typical to see a little regrowth and I have a little on my neck. I can remember when I joked with my electrologist that I wouldn't live long enough to finish. Fortunately, I found someone who is top notch. I'm very selective about who I refer to her, but if you are near Charlotte and want a true professional, let me know. I'm a little protective of her in some ways, but you do that with friends.

February 4, 2010

2010-02-04T01:29:00.008-05:00

I don't talk a lot about my personal life. I think a few acquaintances wonder if I even have a personal life. Actually I do.

As I read over previous posts, I have talked more than I realized about refocusing and redirection. I suspect that means this has been more important than I even knew.

I wrote a few months ago that I had joined Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. A church home has always been important to me and I thought I had already found one. It goes to show God has plans for us when we least expect them. By virtue of our Charlotte Interfaith Connection, I was led to Holy Trinity.

I do a fair amount of public speaking, mostly to university classes, civic groups and at the corporate level when the occasion arises. This coming Sunday I will be preaching in morning worship.

Our pastor told us that preparing for our sermon would be a transformative experience, and so it has been. This has become a form of worship for me personally and thus is very special. I realized very quickly after joining that my new church home was the catalyst for that new sense of direction and even energy. I get emotional when I try to explain how thankful I am for God's direction. But very thankful I am.

Not many people know I have two grown children and one grandson. I saw my grandson for the first and only time last year. During the last six months I've had to deal with a number of issues concerning my ex wife. It's such a common story you could almost insert different names and it would apply to many friends. That doesn't make it any easier. I learned long ago that if you do your best, it always works out for the best. It's one of those immutable laws that can't be broken. That's what I'm counting on anyway.

I once felt that not having a partner is the missing piece of my life puzzle. I see it differently now. I think all the pieces have come into place. We've had conversation on the gender listserv this week about family. I think it's like we've heard, there are two kinds of family. Sometimes the one you gather through life is quite sufficient. In any case, as with a new church home, God sends surprises when we least expect them. I joke with people that my biological clock is ticking.

Only a few friends know that I have a deep interest in the history of professional wrestling, the period beginning in the early 1900's and continuing into the mid 80's. This is a much more fascinating business than most people know. But I digress.

Former World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion, Jack Brisco, passed away three days ago at age 68. Jack had been in ill health following open heart surgery.

There are a few guys in the business who can actually wrestle. Jack was what we call a pure wrestler. He won the 1965 NCAA championship while at Oklahoma State Univ. His series of matches in the seventies against Dory Funk, Jr. remain classics to this day. I was fortunate to be at ringside for a number of those matches and often think of them 35 years later.

I was moved to tears when I heard of Jack's death. As time passes, the legends are becoming fewer, but the memories remain. Rest in peace, Jack.

Equality NC

2010-02-03T00:15:00.004-05:00

I have often talked about the importance of maintaining a balance in life and recognizing what is important. I don't believe in burnout. I do believe in new focus when it is appropriate.

I was recently elected to, and have accepted, a position on the board of directors of Equality NC. This will most definitely provide an avenue of new focusing.

It is a privilege to have an opportunity to work with so many people whom I hold in the highest personal regard. I've been part of the ENC transgender task force for sometime now. To serve on the board is an exceptional honor. An overview of the ENC website is indicative of the organization's commitment to the cause of human dignity.

Our annual weekend retreat, coupled with a meet and greet, was scheduled this past weekend in Charlotte. Due to icy roads, the event was postponed until early March.

This is going to be an exciting year on a number of levels. As we say so often, good things sometimes come to people who least expect it. It's enough to make a person excited.

domestic violence and other issues

2010-01-22T14:16:00.004-05:00

We have held a series of community roundtable discussions at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center. The purpose is to discuss issues pertaining to the community that seldom receive attention. Last night's topic was 'Domestic Violence and the LGBT Community'. Although this issue does not affect me personally, we heard stories of people who are affected. Approximately 1 in 4 LGBT people will be abused by an intimate partner. We know the victim often feels like the perpetrator which only continues the cycle. We are going to pursue this subject but if it touches your life, there is help. Visit Project Rainbow Net for further information.

It has been several months since the suicide of L.A. Times sportswriter, Christine Daniels. A portion of her eulogy has been uploaded to Youtube. You can watch it here. Her suicide happened one week after the Transgender Day of Remembrance. I often think of her coming out letter. "It took forty years and a million tears." So many of us can relate to that.

We've talked a lot about Amanda Simpson being the first transgender person to receive a presidential appointment. This is a wonderful for our community and there is no one more qualified or deserving than Amanda. Good things happen to good people.

David Letterman recently did a spot making fun of Amanda, which is pretty typical. Letterman has turned into an angry old man in the last few years, which is unfortunate for him. A lot of us were understandably upset over this bit, although I've seen much worse. However, some of us in the LGBT community have an issue with situational ethics.

There is seldom a night when Letterman doesn't rake Sarah Palin, or whoever happens to be the target du jour, over the coals. Our response to those routines is the sound of silence. If our community is to be taken seriously in the fight for human dignity, we need to understand that dignity applies to all.

We must wrap our minds around the fact that if someone disagrees with us, they are not necessarily evil or stupid. When we need it most, our integrity may be all we have left. Situational ethics not only causes us to appear disingenuous; we are.

Peace On Earth?

2009-12-23T00:03:00.004-05:00

Below is a post I made three years ago today. In hindsight, I may change a word or two if I were to write it today. However, the message is the same as it has always been:

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me".

I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire? As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace.

As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

Pamela Jones - 12/23/06

December 22, 2009

2009-12-22T22:14:00.007-05:00

The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center will again be open Christmas Day for an open house/potluck. If you happen to be close to Charlotte, we'd love to have you. Send me an email for directions.

This is the beginning of a tradition that last year was an experiment. After dinner last Christmas, we realized our discussion had become a Community Roundtable. That led us to the monthly roundtable discussions which continue even now. This month's topic was 'Diversity, are we as accepted as we think?' January's topic will be 'Domestic violence within the LGBT community'.

Below is a photo of a few of us who came to Thanksgiving dinner. I love the diversity within our community. If this isn't it, I don't know what is.

There has been conversation within the last week about the lack of understanding of transgender people within the gay community. For me, these discussions become about family. I understand the broad issue, having witnessed it the last 40 years. We have not had a discussion in the listserv as to whether our gay friends and allies should be welcome at meetings. I would find such a discussion to be morally reprehensible. As I said last week, I get crazy when it comes to family, only one of whom is Melanie.

A series of essays written by Dr. Jillian Weiss is posted on Bilerco. These essays speak to the heart of the issue of trans inclusion. This is not light reading, but it's not a light subject. You realize you've been around awhile when you remember the Mattachine Society and the Gay Liberation Front. You can link to parts two and three from this essay.

It's during Christmas and other holidays when I miss my family the most. Tears come more easily this time of year and that's not a bad thing. I will be at our church's late night Christmas Eve service and will spend Christmas evening with Melanie and her family. All in all, it's a nice Christmas.

Having someone significant in my life remains the missing piece of the puzzle. I just had a conversation with a dear friend who reminded me when I least expect it, someone will come along. I somehow have a feeling that is not destined to be. Even so, life is still pretty amazing.

Christine Daniels (1957-2009)

2009-11-28T21:34:00.009-05:00

Los Angeles Times sports writer, Christine Daniels is dead at age 52. The story is making it's rounds within the transgender community. You can read about it here.

Pastor Randy of MCC in Greenville, SC officiated at her wedding before leaving L.A. He was aware she was having problems. She had detransitioned and was using her old name in her byline.

She may have detransitioned in her presentation, but she remained who she already was.

When asked how she was getting along, her reply: "just trying to get through it" could have been said by many. Was her transition really "this daily random hardship of trying to figure out gender assignment"? I believe it was much more. It was a person finding life's purpose.

Donna Rose, a transgender activist for whom I have great respect, said coming out at work was the single most terrifying thing she ever did.

She was right. It was a moment I will never forget, but it had to be done. I said from the start they did their best. I will always have utmost respect for management in that company. If any of you read this, you know my feelings already.

A number of my coworkers had known me 19 years. Once they knew the real me, I wasn't suitable to sit with at Christmas dinner that year. With other people, it became a matter of not understanding what it means to be transgender, or why I would choose this lifestyle.

The answer lies in Christine Daniels' coming out letter, "it took forty years and a million tears". This can be an agonizing and gut wrenching decision. It literally becomes a matter of life and death. I chose life.

It's not only trans or LGB people, but a world that is searching for answers while "trying to get through it". Life has to be more than "getting through it", or it's not living. I'm not sure it's even surviving.

When the final counting is done, the goal of each of us is to say "I found my way". Thinking of this story and hundreds of others, I can say that. I know who I am but more importantly, I know Whose I am. That has made the difference.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

2009-11-22T17:10:00.005-05:00

Charlotte Gender Alliance hosted the Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center Friday, November 20th. I don't normally post my text of my remarks, but decided to make an exception.

As you have heard, ceremonies similar to this one were held around the world today and at this hour in Greensboro, Asheville and Charlotte. It is right and fitting for us to honor our sisters and brothers who have paid the ultimate price, only for being who they are.

These are more than names on a piece of paper. They are sons, daughters, friends and coworkers.

As we honor them, we honor anyone who has been stereotyped and marginalized. In the struggle for human dignity, our ultimate battle is for hearts and minds. The first victory lies within our own heart and mind.

As we seek a united LGBT community, we need to know that people can be different from us without being wrong. It is what we think of ourselves that controls our potential, not what others think we should be. We are today, the person we decided to be yesterday.

We see these names and may wonder, what defines a person’s life? Certainly our lives are not defined by sexual orientation or gender identity. The real measure of our life is what we do with our life.

You will notice the words on our banner, “Diversity will not only be respected; it will be honored.” This precept is at the heart of everything Charlotte Gender Alliance represents.

If there is to be a better future, we must disturb the present. If there is a crisis within the LGBT community, and I believe there is, it is a crisis of the heart. The task with which we are charged is to build bridges between those segments of society which have known only isolation and loneliness.

If we speak eloquently of the quest for human dignity but lack the courage to put words into action, aren’t they no more than empty words?

If we cannot grant others that dignity which we would claim for ourselves, do we not do an injustice to ourselves and others?

We may wake up each morning wondering if this is the day that our true self will become apparent and if we will be the next to be judged as worthy of violence.

There are people in this room who have lost everything they had in order to be all they were meant to be. The miracle is in learning that our own dignity is worth the price.

Many of us spend a lifetime trying conform to what others think we should be, rather than who we were intended to be. There eventually comes a time when the need to be a real person takes precedence over all else. There comes that defining moment when we must take off the mask and become genuine. Before we can give the world our best, we must first give ourselves our best. We learn that it really is okay to be who we are, no matter who we are.

It is in these defining moments when we learn how to live, rather than to merely survive, when we feel that spark of hope that lies within each of us and come to the realization that our lives have a higher purpose than we ever dreamed.

Tonight we stand upon the shoulders of those who have paved the way for us. Some day people will gather and speak of the progress we made, or the lack of it.

History will be our final judge but above all, may no person have reason to ask, “Why did you wait so long to live?”

November 18th, 2009

2009-11-18T17:30:00.004-05:00

I have often said the face of the LGBT community in Charlotte has changed during the last two years. One factor in that change is the ongoing effort to bring the transgender community into the mainstream.

The Community Roundtable topic in October was, 'What would you like to know about transgender people?' This month's topic was 'violence and the LGBT community' and was an intentional segue into The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance November 20th. You can read about these and other events on the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center website.

I was invited to speak to a workshop at the annual Centralina Area Agency on Aging conference recently. Until you interact with the helping professionals, the issues facing LGBT people as they go into their senior years are not fully clear. It is always a pleasure to share with these people and it's a huge thing for them to reach out. I believe the Gay & Gray conference last April was the start of something big.

I have a friend who is a professor at Mitchell College in Statesville (near Charlotte). He organized a workshop on LGBT issues last week. He already knows how much I enjoyed this class.

My last post alluded to prioritizing. I joined Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this month. My home church and interacting with other faith communities are where I hope to find much of my focus. I remain convinced the chasm between the community and what they perceive as 'the church' is our most pressing problem.

The Community Roundtable last night was a case in point. As we discussed violence, the conversation gravitated to religion and politics. I suppose the difficulty in living our life while honoring someone else's life is fundamental to the human condition. The issues are not unique to our community. It is clear however, that we have our own issues to address. As I have said, the battle is for hearts and minds. We often must begin with our own heart.

Refocusing

2009-11-04T22:29:00.004-05:00

It is no accident that I've not posted since August. I've been in one of those periods of reevaluation and setting priorities. It's not that I'm burnt out; I'm not so sure I even believe in burnout. I do think we have to continually consider where we can be most productive. Just to be clear, it's not that I'm an especially gifted person. Everyone has something to offer, including being a good listener. Having decided to put yourself out there to be all you can, word gets out.

One word I'm learning to say is 'no'. This is not an easy thing for me, but there comes a time, especially as we get older, that we need to put some priority on our own physical and emotional wellbeing.

I find I increasingly enjoy speaking to groups on not only the transgender condition, but the human condition. I remain convinced our biggest problem is a crisis of the spirit. Irrespective of sexual orientation or gender identity, so many of us limp through life, never learning the meaning of letting go the old fears. We let past hurts define our lives, rather than reaching for the unlimited possibilities of the future.

A part of that is the ostracism of the LGBT community and organized religion, which I believe falls into the crisis of the spirit category I spoke of. This is the area that will become my top priority. The Charlotte Interfaith Connection has much yet to accomplish. I'm joining Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this coming Sunday and have found much of what I was seeking.

I keep having the thought that someone may come into my life. I have to admit after being divorced so many years, I miss having a life partner. Friends tell me the right person will come along when I least expect it, and that may well be. So far it hasn't shown signs of happening.

I've thought a lot lately about my friends at the company where I worked almost 20 years. To those of you who read this, I think of you often and will always value our friendships.

In other news, Elke Kennedy was invited to The White House last week to be present when President Obama signed the Hate Crimes Bill into law. It was a sort of vindication for her and Jim for the work they've done since Sean's death. They are back to work already, as I knew they would be.

Insofar as the Charlotte transgender community, we have some amazing things taking place. Within a month are two Community Roundtable discussions dealing with transgender issues. Attorney, Connie Vetter is presenting a Transgender Law 101 at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center November 12th.

As last year, Charlotte Gender Alliance is presenting The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Community Center November 20th at 7 PM. We will have a series of speakers followed by a candlelight service. It is a time of honoring those have lost their lives, but also a time to celebrate those who have had the courage to be who they are by 'paying it forward'. I often am in awe of the people I consider friends and associates.

definining ourselves

2009-08-10T13:43:00.002-04:00

I read The Shack some months ago and subsequently passed it on to a friend who passed it to family members. Often when I visit my favorite coffee house, the conversation turns to matters of the heart.

I purchased a personal copy this weekend, one in which I will highlight the most thought provoking passages. I want to paraphrase the first one:

A bird is not defined by being grounded, but by it's ability to fly. Humans are not defined by their limitations but by the intentions God has for them; not by what they seem to be, but by everything it means to be created in His image.

Thank goodness for that basic truth. If I were defined by my weaknesses, and they are more than most people know, my life would be one of drifting, ever searching and never finding.

As a transsexual woman, I am not defined by my gender identity or a quest for sense of self. I learned long ago it was there along, only waiting to be claimed. I would hope my life is defined by how I treat others and the way I live my faith while respecting that of others.

Many of us in the transgender community, and society, misunderstand the difference between goals and life's purpose. For a transgender woman, electrolysis, facial surgery, hormone therapy or SRS (sex reassignment surgery) are only goals along the journey, not the journey's end.

Given the emotional turmoil many of us face, it becomes natural to say if we can only undergo SRS, our purpose will have been fulfilled. The reality, we already are the person we wish to be by claiming our right. My sense of self was claimed long ago. It was only by becoming vulnerable to the point I could grant myself the chance to fail that I was able to succeed.

Too many of us have the victim mentality. There comes a time when we must move from defining ourselves not as victims, but as victors.

Many of us are pushing for a trans inclusive Employment Non Discrimination Act this year. This is one of our moral imperatives. Legal protections are vital but to change the world, we must change our part of it. There is an analogy to be drawn with the civil rights movement of the sixties. It was when a community of people developed their own sense of self and a common purpose that they were able to act as one.

The purpose of the 'transgender community' will likely not be achieved in my lifetime. In truth, the ultimate purpose is the uplifting of human dignity on all levels. However, our purpose as individuals can be claimed in an instant.

I attended a Shabbat Celebration and Dinner with some Jewish friends recently. A passage from the prayer book jumped out; "Redemption will come when we grant others what we claim for ourselves". I will state it another way,'how could we insist upon equality for ourselves and not grant it to others'.

This is the crux of our problem. It lies deep within the LGBT community and also clouds the perception of many faith communities towards diversity. To ostracize a segment of the population because of who they are, defies logic. Unfortunately, we do it to each other and yet are appalled when faith communities to it to us.

The answer? Claim our victory, thus changing our part of the world, then grant others that which we claim for ourselves.

Pride and Prejudice

2009-08-01T11:20:00.002-04:00

Even post Pride Charlotte, there is discussion about the protestors and their plans of last weekend. In a few blogs around the country, there was discussion Sunday about what happened in Charlotte Saturday.

I won't give the organization the courtesy of adding a potential Google search, but they had announced 1,000 protestors and outreach teams. Thursday evening, I learned they would be allowed inside the venue this year. As I posted earlier, it was a non issue and their numbers were small.

These organizations are skilled at writing press releases and publicity announcements. They are not good at doing what they say. I've seen repeated examples.

We cannot, and should not ignore those who would oppose us. We do grant them a certain legitimacy that is neither deserved nor earned. Our success will come to reality in focusing on what we do right, rather than what they are hoping to do.

When we know we are on the right side of history, and the future, nothing will stop us. We are, and nothing did.

the bookends

2009-07-27T01:35:00.010-04:00

The last two weeks have been extraordinary for the Charlotte LGBT community, which means they have been extraordinary for the city of Charlotte.

Charlotte Black Gay Pride took place Saturday, July 18 and it was a well done event. We spent the entire day there, representing the Charlotte Interfaith Connection, Charlotte Gender Alliance and the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Community Center. It was a good time to network and meet some amazing people.

Two days earlier was the Town Hall meeting sponsored by Charlotte Black Gay Pride. There was some badly needed dialogue. If we do not begin to talk about the pressing issues of the day, nothing will ever happen.

Tuesday of last week was the Charlotte Gender Alliance transgender event at the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Community Center. We called it The Transgender Living Experience and Library. Mostly I sat and watched the talented people in our group do what they do best. Stephanie Marie did a wonderful job organizing. I have said so many times that our only real asset is our members. This event proved that fact.

Thursday evening last week was the second Community Roundtable at the Community Center. The topic was LGBT issues in the workplace and the turnout surprised even me. When people don't want to leave, we know we're doing the right thing. Some folks stayed an hour later and a few of us didn't leave until almost midnight. Attendance was way up over the first meeting. This will become a regular monthly event.

The bookends culminated in Pride Charlotte at Gateway Center Saturday, July 25. The Charlotte Observer estimated the crowd at 10,000 and it was easily that. Beyond a doubt, this was the largest and best organized Pride event I've been to.

We were concerned about protestors this year as a certain organization had supposedly organized 1,000 people for their 'outreach'. Their numbers were more like 450, if that, and they were mostly a non issue.

These days are always like coming home and meeting friends you may not have seen in a while. I was spread thin trying to spend time at Charlotte Gender Alliance, Sean's Last Wish, Charlotte Interfaith Connection and the Community Center Booth. It was worth every second of the time and the folks who did the real work were the Pride organizers and volunteers. For an event of this magnitude to take place while anticipating a mob of protestors is a huge achievement.

Also a huge achievement is the sense of unity I continue to see in Charlotte and North Carolina. We once thought of the transgender community as a separate entity and marginalized even by the LGBT community. Those days are gone.

The realization of the Charlotte Interfaith Connection is the result of what happens when people of passion come together. What was once only a dream is a vibrant organization dedicated to demonstrating to the LGBT community that there really are churches, temples and synogagues that welcome us with open arms. Our direct mail campaign several months ago was a major success.

We knew we would be reaching the churches and the community itself. We also reached out to each other. The support from our clergy, Pastor Nancy Kraft of Holy Trinity Lutheran Church and Rev. Ryusho Jeffus from the Buddhist Temple has shown the world first hand that we are what we say, open and inclusive. Our friends from Temple Beth El have invited us to a number of their events. We have only begun our work.

Elke Kennedy of Sean's Last Wish gave an impassioned speech clarifying the moral imperative of the Matthew Shepherd Hate Crimes Prevention Act.

I had the privilege of speaking at 4:15. My message is simple; the old days are past and now is the time for unity. There are two things we can do, something, or nothing. Together we can change the world.

Some of us have seen the future these past few months. I believe the future becomes the present through sheer will power. As I said elsewhere this morning, when you know you are on the right side of history and the future, nothing can stop you. We are, and nothing did.

What a fantastic week!

Pride month

2009-07-10T01:40:00.003-04:00

When I look at the calendar for July, I wonder how it ever got so full. We have Charlotte Black Gay Pride July 18 and Pride Charlotte July 25. Between and around those two dates are a number of LGBT events.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is presenting The Transgender Living Experience and Library July 21 at The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center. A member, Stephanie Marie is organizing the event and I have no doubt it will be first class.

I've told some of the groups here that I came out 40 years ago this month, the exact time of the Stonewall Riots. I know we have a lot of progress to yet make but sometimes we need to stop and realize how far we've come.

I am convinced that Charlotte Gender Alliance has helped change the face of the LGBT community in Charlotte and thus, the city itself. Oh, I still have gay friends who say they don't understand transgender people. I totally respect that and some of us don't understand them. As always, the key is in listening to each other.

Speaking of listening to each other, the Community Roundtable last month was such a success that we're making it a regular event. The next roundtable will be July 23, two days before Pride. This year's Pride theme is 'Out is In'. Building upon that, this month's roundtable topic will be 'Out is in....in the workplace environment". I should add, 'or the lack of a workplace environment'. One of the ground rules will be that no labels are to be used. Our lives are not defined by being LGBT and I think we all have enough labels in our day to day lives. You can click here to visit the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center website.

The Charlotte Interfaith Connection continues to be a blessing. The purpose was to reach out to other faith communities and the LGBT community. We've also become friends with each other. I went to a July 4 cookout with some friends from Temple Beth El. Ryusho, priest at the Buddhist Temple in Charlotte has become a dear friend.

This organization has shown again that we not only need to think outside the box. We have to step outside the box and outside our comfort zone. As I say so often, we have to allow ourselves to fail before we can succeed. It took me a long time to learn that.

NC Governor signs two bills on bullying/sex ed.

2009-07-01T23:08:00.008-04:00

NC Governor Bev Berdue signed the School Violence Prevention Act and the Healthy Youth Act into law last evening. Both pieces of legislation include 'gender identity'. Congratulations and thanks to Equality North Carolina for not giving up! You can read about it here.

A friend just sent a piece from AP that the Obama administration will not appeal the $500,000 settlement awarded Diane Schroer whose job offer from the Library of Congress was rescinded when she announced her decision to transition from male to female.

That's at least some good news. On the other side, Sean Kennedy's killer was released one week early today. His sentence had already been reduced for good behavior. I hope this young man finds a sense of purpose in his life because surely there is one.

Speaking of finding your life's purpose, I finished reading 'The Shack' yesterday. It was as empowering as I'd been told. It turned a new light on certain issues of my faith walk. Emotional barely describes the feeling.

Charlotte Interfaith Connection

2009-06-28T21:53:00.008-04:00

The Charlotte Interfaith Connection website is online. You can visit via this link.

Not everyone agrees but I continue to believe the most serious issue facing the community is ostracism from the church. It is a fact much of the discrimination we face originates in 'organized religion'. The Charlotte Interfaith Connection mailed a letter to every faith community in Charlotte last month. It was the right thing to do. We received a number of letters of support and added one O&A church to our links. There were several who are in the process of becoming welcoming and we are preparing to reach a hand out to them to offer help. We did not receive any negative responses. Somehow I was not surprised.

We are finalized on our booth at Pride Charlotte July 25th. That is going to be one busy day with three booths to work. We are also having a booth at Charlotte Black Gay Pride July 18th. That one is in Marshall Park downtown so we will bring a tent.

Today is the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. I had just come out myself that summer and remember reading about the event in the tabloids. My friend Robbi Cohn has an insightful piece in the latest edition of Q-Notes. You can read it here.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Stonewall was the beginning of the Gay Liberation Front. The major issue with the transgender community (a word not even in use at that time) was the wisdom of aligning with the LGB community. Discussions were intense and rifts were created among friends. It did not take long for the Queens Liberation Front to come into being. I have a photo of Lee Brewster at a QLF Rally in Central Park in the summer of 1971.

Even with our advances, and there have been many, we still don't get each other the way we must if we are to achieve our common goals. Issues remain among certain organizations about accepting gay people or transsexuals. It is not unique to any one faction. Forty years later and it continues. The difference now, it's about family....the issue upon which there is no compromise.

The reality is that it is time for unity. Now is the time to seriously build bridges among varied segments of the LGBT and even the transgender community. Sometimes I think one of the side effects of being out so long is that patience is often short. I was looking at some correspondence from that time the other day and the verbage is exactly the same today. It makes me crazy sometimes.

We have the ability to change the world but we have to start with our part of it. The first LGBT Community Roundtable was held in Charlotte last week. It was a total success. I knew that when some folks wanted to meet sooner than August, even with all the Pride events in Charlotte this month. Hopefully we can arrange it.

This is what I mean about building bridges to the faith communities and among our LGBT friends. This is what we are charged to do so my patience will no doubt continue to wear thin.

May 27, 2009

2009-05-27T01:37:00.007-04:00

Whenever the LGBT community sits down for conversation, the subject of organized religion invariably comes up and with it, the fact we have been ostracized by the church. Arguably this is where much of the discrimination against the community originates.

This past Friday something unique happened in Charlotte. Members of Charlotte Interfaith Connection completed a mass mailing to every church and faith community in the city. My count was 411 but there may have been more and we may have inadvertantly missed a couple. I will say we did not mail the fundamentalist churches. We must pick our battles and will mail them later. No one is ever written off. Besides which, we will no doubt see them at Pride.

We sent a letter asking each house of worship where they are with the issue of Open & Affirming and included a questionnaire along with a return envelope. The phrase, 'if you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done' comes to mind. This was something I never thought I would see but there is nothing more important.

The content of the responses will determine how we word the brochure we will distribute at Pride Charlotte in July. As I said, this is rather unique.

I don't talk a lot about my personal life, mainly because I'm a private person but something happened recently that completely overwhelmed me.

I'm one of those people who finds writing easier in a coffee house surrounded by people. Brueggers Bagel has become a favorite. If you go to these places often enough, you become friends with the people there. It's like a Cheers bar except you drink coffee and drive home wide awake.

Two weeks ago my friend Ronda was off work but had left me a card. It was a thank you card for being so kind to her and touching her life. The first thought I had was what I always manage to work into my remarks when I'm invited to speak. There was a time long ago, before transition when I would have been afraid to even go in the place. I had to allow myself to become vulnerable in life in order to become strong. I had to be willing to fail. It's about being the person you were created. Ronda when you read this, you know how important you are in my life also. I have framed that card because it is significant on a number of levels.

Sometimes we don't realize the lessons we have learned until something happens to bring back the memories of the not so good days. Many in our community have plenty of those days.

A few friends and I will be having dinner at Denny's very soon. Why is that important? This link will explain. This stuff makes me nuts.

I alluded to community dialogue at the beginning of this post. We are doing exactly that at the LGBT Community Center the evening of June 23. I continually hear trans people say the gay community doesn't 'get us'. They are often right. Sometimes we don't get them. We can begin to do something about that with the roundtable discussion.

It is also gratifying to have the continuing opportunity to interact on transgender issues with Equality North Carolina. If you'd like to take a look at their interesting blog, you can see it here. My dear friend, Robbi made the post for this past Monday.

Their website is regularly updated to keep up with pending legislation in North Carolina.

To end today on a personal note, some friends wonder how I stay so optimistic, at least most of the time. I'm one of those people who always assumes everything will work out for the best. Things pretty much always do. This one is a little harder. I have a two month old grandson I have not seen. I have seen his photos on my son's Myspace front page. He's such a fine looking boy. Ever the optimist, I know the one constant in life is change. This too will work out for the best. It always does.

Break the Silence Before the Violence

2009-05-14T00:11:00.003-04:00

This Saturday May 16 will be two years since the murder of Sean Kennedy. There will be a candlelight vigil in Greenville, SC this coming Sunday at 6 PM. It's hard to comprehend that there would even be debate on hate crime and anti bullying legislation both at the state and federal level.

There has been a less than overwhelming response to the passing of Virginia Prince. At most there have been announcements and a brief description of her as a pioneer in many of the blogs and newsgroups. Many may disagree but this is not an altogether bad thing. As I said, we respect the pioneers but look to the future. Unfortunately there are a few yet today who would remain mired in the past. To those who feel that way, I remind you again our future lies in a united LGBT community. The days of closeted support groups are over if indeed they ever were a good idea. The fear or the inability to change can stifle a support group as easily as it can an individual.

Homophobia is alive and well

2009-05-06T00:24:00.003-04:00

The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act was reintroduced in the United States Senate last week. On April 29, North Carolina Representative Virginia Foxx made the statement that Matthew Shepard's murder was not a hate crime, but a robbery gone bad.

You can read about it and view the video via Media Matters and The Equality NC Blog.

Aside from calling attention to Rep. Foxx's absurd comments, I want to say well done to the good people at PFLAG Winston Salem. People of passion always stand up when the time comes and these folks definitely are. They are planning a number of events and/or actions. If any of you should read this, I salute you in whatever you do. You are an inspiration.

The implication that Matthew Shepard's murder was not a hate crime is beyond the pale. Coincidentally Elke Kennedy has been in Washington the last week. I hope we will be able to announce some new elements to the outreach and educational initiative's of Sean's Last Wish soon. The second year since Sean's murder is May 16.

Virginia Prince has passed away. She was the original founder of Free Personality Expression, which has been known as Tri Ess for many years. Anyone who was close to the transgender community in years past knows the controversy surrounding Virginia. The issue of a closed versus open group was debated in 1970 and, amazingly to me, continues to rear it's head here and there.

I was always on the side of total inclusion since I've always had this thing about embracing diversity. I said recently that those who advocate a closed group are on the wrong side of history. In hindsight, I believe that is incorrect. It was on the right side of history in 1960 when it was illegal to walk out the door crossdressed. Today it is on the wrong side of the future.

Times have thankfully changed, as have we. The question now is that of unified community. To debate whether to be unified is no longer an option. It is tantamount to a discussion of the validity of a person's skin color. I suggest to those who would even question whether the trans community should be part of the broader LGBT community, it's a non issue. We are forever joined and our cause is the same, the right to be who we are.

While we should honor and respect those who have paved the way, or as I often say, provided the shoulders upon which we stand, we must look to the future. What worked in 1960 won't work in 2010. People grow and a community grows. Thank heaven for it!

Melanie is doing better after the fall. I would have bet we'd have her in the hospital this week but she's actually doing pretty well, a little banged up but hanging in there.

May 4, 2009

2009-05-04T01:22:00.003-04:00

Charlotte Gender Alliance will be two years old June 1st. The organization has come a long way since the first meeting when we had four of us around a dinner table. I knew it was the right thing to do. We also know any organization's greatest asset is it's people. I knew it was a good idea last year when we began rotating facilitators each month. It keeps ideas flowing and perhaps more important, brings new people into a position of leadership.

I also knew it was a good idea when we moved into The Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Community Center this past January. If anything, that has been the pivotal move for the organization. It's helped build bridges to the community and let us developed allies a lot of friends were never able to understand.

I could easily let myself become spread thin these days but that hasn't happened. The fact we have people of passion with leadership ability stepping to the forefront is why our organization will be a strong force for unity and education for a long time to come. Most of all, it will be about support. Above all it will be as stated on our banner and website, "Diversity will not only be respected; it will be honored". It will never be any other way.

I might also add it's a privilege to serve on The Board of Trustees at The Community Center. We have some good things ahead so stay tuned.

Anyone who has known me more than five minutes knows about my dear kindred spirit, Melanie. We had a scare this weekend. She's had trouble with her back for months. She slipped on gravel and hit her head on the car door over the weekend. We took her to the hospital for a possible concussion but the real problem became with her back. On a ten scale, her pain was a ten. She's resting but I suspect we'll be getting her to her personal physician next week. This one scared me.

Gay and Gray - at the crossroads

2009-04-29T23:26:00.008-04:00

Thanks again to The Centralina Area Agency on Aging for sponsoring the Gay and Gray conference these last two days. It was an honor to be there and to have the opportunity to share from a first person transgender perspective.

The event was more than I expected. There were issues presented that hit home in a rather personal way. Today was primarily aimed at the helping professionals. As always there was time to meet old and new friends, along with some networking. It was a most worthwhile two days.

As a follow up on the murder trial of Allen Andrade, murderer of Angie Zapata, most people have heard by now he was convicted of a bias motivated crime. As such he will serve a lifetime sentence with no possibility of parole.

This is a landmark case inasmuch as it was the first conviction of the murderer of a transgender person based upon hate crime legislation. We hope the day will come when all states have equal protection. At this moment, South Carolina has no hate crime legislation while North Carolina's statutes are sorely lacking.

In that same line of thought, Equality North Carolina makes the following announcement:

"4/29/2009 - In a whirlwind of legislative action today, the Senate Mental Health & Youth Services Committee passed both the School Violence Prevention Act (SB 526) and the Healthy Youth Act (HB 88). The bills now go to the Senate floor for a vote, possibly as soon as early next week. Equality NC and our coalition partners are working to ensure passage of both bills."

If you live in North Carolina, you are encouraged to email your state senator and urge passage of this important legislation.

Gay & Gray - at the crossroads

2009-04-22T12:34:00.004-04:00

The Gay & Gray Conference to address issues pertaining to LGBT seniors is being held in Charlotte next week. I will have an opportunity to speak to the helping professionals Wednesday. The Tuesday evening session is free to the public. The needs of this segment of the community are often overlooked. Thanks to The Centralina Area Agency on Aging for offering this conference.

I've been DVR'ing much of the Angie Zapata murder trial or more accurately the Allen Andrade murder trial. Jury instructions are being read as I type this. The issue is not whether he did it but whether it was a hate crime. Supposedly he went over the edge when he found Angie was transgender. Yet the evidence says he knew much earlier. Moreover in a telephone conversation from the jail, he said "gay things need to die".

This is one more example of the dehumanizing homophobia we see to varying degrees in society even today. It happens with people who should know better. A Court TV reporter cited a statistic that a transgender person has a 1 in 12 chance of being murdered. Whether it's that high, I don't know. However the chances of being subjected to harrasment or violence are astronomically high. It is incomprehensible to me that some people in the local transgender community do not yet think in terms of a united LGBT community.

A number of transgender people are in Greely, CO covering the trial. An excellent blog can be read here.

Angie Zapata

2009-04-17T10:04:00.002-04:00

The trial for the accused murderer of Angie Zapata began Tuesday April 14th. Court TV is covering the proceedings. Family and supporters have begun a personal website. Visit it here.

They have played the audio of phone calls the accused murderer made from the jail after he was arrested. Some of the verbage had to be bleeped out. Naturally I thought of Sean Kennedy and the fact the family was not even allowed to hear recordings of the voice mails Sean's killer left until after the trial.

Opening statements in the Angie Zapata trial are still taking place.

Sean's murderer will be released July 7th. We will have a vigil in Greenville, SC Sunday evening May 17th to commemorate two years since Sean's murder. I can't bring myself to call it a second anniversary.

My dear friend Ana invited me to her home church in Winston Salem last evening for a showing of Call Me Malcom. It's always amazing you can meet or listen to a total stranger and instantly relate to what he/she has lived through.

It was so nice meeting folks from another United Church of Christ. Visiting another church is always like coming home.

April 16, 2009

2009-04-16T12:21:00.004-04:00

We spent 12 hours at UNC Charlotte yesterday. The updated educational panels with the voice mails from the night of Sean's murder moved a lot of people.

Last year I spoke at Winthrop University and had the same feeling. There is something about seeing our future leaders come to the forefront that moves me to tears. These young folks are amazing. If any of you read this, I am proud to have met you all.

A drag performer was murdered in Fayetteville, NC two nights ago. You can read the article via this link at Pam's House Blend. It just goes on and on. In the auditorium last night there were photographs of slain LGBT people on the screen. Signs were posted outside with many photos. Then I come home and read this.

There is an issue of whether she identified as gender variant. What I do know is she identified as a human being.

Days of Silence

2009-04-14T20:04:00.002-04:00

April 17 is the official National Day of Silence, a time to bring attention to bullying and harassment in our school systems. No child should get up in the morning wondering if they will be subjected to violence.

The University of NC Charlotte is having their observance tomorrow. Elke Kennedy is giving the keynote address at 6 PM. The updated educational panels will be on display all day. An addition to these panels is a CD with audio of the voice mails Sean's killer left as Sean was dying. Those of us on the Sean's Last Wish Board of Directors listened to the tape for the first time last month. Chilling is the only word that comes to mind. Listening for oneself brings home the urgency of the need for hate crime legislation, coupled with a never ending attempt to touch hearts. As I have often said, no one touches a heart like a mother does. I hope lots of people hear Elke tomorrow.

March 23 was The Equality North Carolina Day of Action. It was a day for people all over NC to travel to Raleigh to share their concerns with legislators from their home district. I am appreciative of my Representative Martha Alexander for granting me a few minutes of her time during a very busy day. Even though we had appointments there was pressing business in the chambers. It was an empowering day for everyone who participated. To spend time in the Legislative Building with your representative is something everyone should have the opportunity of doing.

Equality North Carolina continues to dialogue with the transgender community through their Transgender Task Force. We had a meeting in Raleigh April 2nd. It is a privilege to share ideas with people whom I hold in the highest personal regard, both as colleagues and friends.

Driving home that night in the rain I began thinking of how far we have come since I came out all those years ago. We talk a lot about what yet needs to be done. The needs are many and they are vital.... a trans inclusive ENDA, hate crime legislation, non discrimination at both the state and local level etc.

Even so, some of us have been around long enough to remember when it was not safe for a transgender person to walk out the front door, literally. I think often of friends from the seventies who would say all they wanted was freedom to be who they were. Well, things are not perfect but we sure do have that freedom now. Sometimes we need to remember to claim it. Those dear friends are a part of my personal history and who I am. I think of them each day.

Our faith group is now Charlotte Interfaith Connection. At only our third meeting we voted to have a booth at Pride Charlotte this July. We will have a website online soon. I have already set up a listserv realizing we will have the need for enhanced communication as we move forward.

Our Jewish friends invited us to Passover Seder last week. It was an honor to be with them that evening. As important as our outreach to the local faith community is, becoming friends with each other has been a huge blessing.

For so long it has been said we have a divided community. The rift among the LGBT community has been perceived. The chasm between the community and 'the church' has been experienced by far too many of us. We are doing things to bring unity in both areas. Complete success will certainly not happen in my lifetime. But when a heart is disposed to change, the world is more disposed to change. This is the truth we seek to spread.

This short video on Youtube illustrates that point in a most moving way.

My dear friend, Ana is Southern Conference ONA Director for United Church of Christ. She invited me to her home church in Winston Salem this Thursday for a showing of 'Call Me Malcolm', followed by a panel discussion. I'm looking forward to the evening and seeing some friends for the first time in a while.

Ten Minutes of Dignity

2009-03-21T20:03:00.004-04:00

The following ten minute video has been posted on the Trans Group Blog. It's produced by Massachusetts Equality, GLAD and MA Transgender Political Action. The video primarily addresses the issue of transgender employment rights and our fear of violence. You can view it here.

I will never understand why this has to be such a volatile issue for so many people, why a person seeking their life's fulfillment is so abhorrent to coworkers and family. Very few of us have not dealt with this to some degree. This is why the glimmer of hope in passing a trans inclusive ENDA during this calendar year is so vitally important. Non discrimination laws at the state and local level are another imperative. The transgender woman who was fired by The City of Charlotte is a perfect example. One day you may be a valued employee and friend. The next day you may not be suitable to sit with at the same table.

This Tuesday, March 24 is the Equality North Carolina Day of Action. Many of us, including allies, will be traveling to Raleigh to meet with our legislators. It's a day I'm looking forward to. The issues of school bullying and violence are another imperative that needs to be addressed.

I'm still meeting people who recognize me from the interview on Fox News and Time Warner News last month. The girls in my favorite dress shop thought it was totally cool I was wearing the wardrobe I bought from them. If you all read this, thanks!

In the realm of less important news to everyone but me, I have a new hairstyle. It's a lot shorter than I've been wearing my hair, but I have the best hair stylist on the planet. I really do love it, especially with warm weather coming. It will be infinitely more comfortable during Pride Charlotte, which is July 25th.

March 20, 2009

2009-03-20T01:41:00.003-04:00

I was selected for jury duty this week. I assumed it would be just a day watching TV and not be called. Late Tuesday I was seated on a civil case. When the attorney asked questions as to personal viewpoints on a number of subjects, I needed to be totally candid, lest my judgment be clouded by the causes for which I fight. It turned out to be a case that had no relation to my activism.

Without a lot of detail, we finished up at 11 AM Thursday. It was a relatively simple case, but also interesting. When you do things like this, you soon form a bond with the people you see every morning and all day. I'm actually going to miss a few people on the jury. Perhaps we can run into each other in some other venue.

This was the first time I'd been on a jury since my transition became complete, so it was one of those 'firsts' we all have. Last time I was called was the morning of 9/11, so obviously everything was canceled that day. We had a shock when a false alarm was turned in late Wednesday. The loud speakers blared that there was an emergency in the building and for us to evacuate the courthouse. We had to follow the deputy down six flights of stairs, which meant I picked a bad day to wear heels. It turned out a child pulled the lever. That meant we had to go back upstairs to have our parking tickets validated. Someone said they hoped the kid was doing hard time over this. Of course, I would never say anything like that.

It was announced last month by The Southern Poverty Law Center that the number of hate groups has jumped 54% since 2000. California has the largest number, but there are 45 known hate groups within the state of South Carolina where we do most of our outreach in Sean's Last Wish. Those are the groups we know of. It also means SC has the largest number of hate groups on a per capita basis. You can read the article here. There are some good people working hard in SC, including The South Carolina Progressive Network. We know it's an uphill battle.

Our Sean's Last Wish board of directors and volunteer meeting was two weeks ago. We heard the voice mail Sean's killer left while Sean was dying. I won't repeat what he said but it sent chills down my spine. It was best we heard it. People need to know what we are working against.

My six month physical was last week. This one was intensive and all is well. As I get older, I become increasingly thankful for my health. It's something I don't take for granted. Of course there is a procedure you need to have after hormones have taken effect. This will be my third one and it's as uncomfortable as they say it is.

One final word on the HRC dinner of Feb 21st. A gentleman who once served with HRC wrote an insightful article in Q-Notes. I thought his thoughts were very much on target. Read it here.

I should have written a couple weeks ago that the 32nd anniversay of the ABBA tour of Australia was March 3rd. I wonder if anyone else keeps up with the things I do.

Beginning of Lent

2009-02-26T14:15:00.007-05:00

For those of us who observe Lent, Ash Wednesday began a time of introspection and contemplation. This evening is our Charlotte Interfaith Coalition meeting. The question was posed some months ago that if we are going to attempt to influence other churches to become Welcoming & Affirming, we must first examine our lives.

Being human, each of us carries leftover prejudices and preconceived notions. It would only be logical for us to search our own heart.

I'm in one of those melancholy moods today. I found this short video to be very moving. It seems so simple for us to learn we have more in common than we do disparity. View it here.

After The Perfect Storm - Truth wins out

2009-02-23T14:18:00.009-05:00

February 21st was a busy day, especially with the HRC dinner Saturday evening. I got to the demonstration against the Love Won Out conference around 11 AM. Several people from this and other fundamentalist churches came out to talk with us. For the most part it was very respectful. I had a conversation with a young man from The Fire Church. He asked what I meant by religious bigotry. We progressed to my asking if he knew what 'transgender' meant. He had heard the word but did not know. I hope he knows a little more today.

As I told the young man, why would I want "reparative therapy" when I already am created as I was meant to be? It is beyond me why, with all the problems we have right now, people are even worried about what someone's gender identity or sexual orientation might be. But I digress; I could write a book on that one subject.

The Charlotte Rainbow Action Network for Equality (CRANE)did an amazing job organizing this event, especially in view of the fact they are a relatively new organization. Crane is a grassroots organization as a result of the Prop 8 demonstration in Charlotte November 15. People like Matt Comer, Teresa Davis, Megan Gandy and many others have come together at just the right time. People finding each other and coming together is part of the sense of unity I feel these days.

I had to leave early to be at The Charlotte Convention Center for a meeting with Joe Solmonese arranged by Janice Allison. We spent approximately 45 minutes with Mr. Solmonese. As I told him, there is nothing I can say that he had not heard many times. He reiterated his support for a trans inclusive ENDA and hopes for passage later this year. Let's sincerely hope it happens. Things are reaching critical mass with many people I know in the community and it is an issue with me as well.

Someone called the meeting historic. I don't know about that but it was a unique opportunity to share from the heart.

Before the HRC dinner, Janice had a demonstration in front of The Convention Center. This was to show our support for a trans inclusive ENDA. As always, the religious right was there to protest everyone, including us.

I want to specifically mention the two ladies with whom I had a wonderful conversation. I enjoyed meeting you both. As we discovered, we have more in common than we do disparity. We know we all want the same thing. If you read this, and I hope you will, please do keep in touch. I would like to get to know both of you better. I know nice people when I meet them.

I attended the HRC dinner as a board member of Sean's Last Wish. Elke was acknowledged twice for the work her foundation is doing, once by Senator Kay Hagan. It meant a great deal to her and to us as board members.

One of the enjoyable parts of any event is networking with people and seeing folks you met earlier. I happened to meet three of the students from Winthrop University where I spoke last April for The National Day of Silence Observance. I wrote in this blog that day that I was impressed by their sense of passion and maturity.

I told them Saturday that their sense of leadership shows through even more this year. I get goose bumps when I think of all they will accomplish in the cause for human dignity as time moves on. They are incredible young men and woman whom I am honored to have known.

I was invited to the press conference Friday in preparation for the Love Won Out demonstration. Each of us spoke approximately five minutes. Local news carried Wayne Besen's comments, which is only fitting. He is director of Truth Wins Out and is a passionate individual.

You can view the news segment here.

So the events of Feb 21st are why I say Truth Won Out. There were many events, but no one group or individual taking credit or special recognition. This is part of what makes it all so special. I uploaded some photos from the day which can be seen via this link.

The perfect storm

2009-02-20T22:38:00.010-05:00

We've had so much going on in Charlotte the last two weeks, I call it the perfect storm.

There is a Love Won Out Conference taking place in Charlotte Saturday Feb. 21st, perhaps not coincidentally, the day of the HRC dinner.

Essentially, Love Won Out is a proponent of gay reparative therapy and is sponsored by Focus On The Family. Logic says if they think they can rehab our gay friends, they can do the same for/to transgender people. I have a good friend who was victim of a of this therapy. She has a powerful story to tell. Needless to say, reparative therapy does not work any more than you can change your eye color.

Last night at our Lesbian & Gay Community Center, Wayne Besen, director of Truth Wins Out gave a presentation. You can view their website here.

Truth Wins Out gives the other side of the story, the simple fact that people are created to be who they are. I had been discussing an interview with Fox News to take place during the next two weeks. They came by The Center prior to the presentation last night for a brief interview. My point always is that it's okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. Why would anyone choose a lifetime of hiding their true self everyday with the constant fear of being outed and losing family, friends and job? It would not be logical.

Charlotte Rainbow Action Network For Equality (CRANE) has organized a peaceful, silent demonstration Saturday morning in front of the church where the Love Won Out Conference is taking place.

I was invited to a press conference this morning, along with several pastors and community leaders to share our personal story. For me personally, my faith comes before anything else. I realized long ago that if I consider myself a Christian first and a transsexual second, everything that is right for me will happen. That has always been true and I could not imagine myself living a more satisfying life than I do, even though it seems to get more amazing as time passes.

Saturday will be a busy day. We have the demonstration at the church at 11:30 AM. At 5 PM, I will join another peaceful demonstration at Westin Hotel across from The Charlotte Convention Center where most of the HRC guests will be staying. This is organized by Janice Allison.

The purpose is to show our displeasure with HRC for joining Barney Frank in the fall of 2007 in backing a version of ENDA that was not transgender inclusive. The remarks Mr. Solmonese made at the dinner Feb. 9 in New York City are in my post of several days ago. One word that comes to mind is 'malarky'.

When I think of those remarks, the firing of Ms. Luckey by the City of Charlotte, along with my own situation, which is very personal, as well as friends who are under and unemployed, I did not hesitate to join this demonstration. My doing this will surprise some transgender friends, I'm sure.

I will attend the HRC dinner as a board member of Sean's Last Wish. Even with the issues over ENDA, attending with Elke and the other board members was never in question. I like to think my life is defined by more than being a transgender woman. There a host of other things we all do in life.

Saturday will be a busy day, two demonstrations and a formal banquet followed by networking at the lounge in the Westin later, all without a nap, as I told someone.

I want to mention again the denial of Stephen Moller's parole last week. I had the honor of being in the hearing room with Elke and the family. It was one of the more emotional experiences I have had. Elke was allowed to speak. She did so with eloquence and strength as always. She has been a source of a lot of my strength as I have often said.

Below are several photos of the candlelight vigil on the steps of the State Capitol in Columbia, SC and outside the morning of the hearing. You can click on the photos to enlarge.

We had a silent vigil outside the building where the hearing was held at 7:30 AM Wednesday February 11th. Leslie and others were making signs.

After the parole was denied, Elke spent most of the day speaking with the media.

Transgender woman fired by City of Charlotte, NC files suit

2009-02-12T21:50:00.006-05:00

I intentionally don't talk a lot about ENDA, primarily due to the fact I am not an expert and defer to those who are. Some people also feel "the horse has been rode to death".

However, sometimes things happen to bring it all to the forefront and point again to the importance of a transgender inclusive ENDA. Nine days before the HRC Gala in Charlotte February 21st, a newspaper reports the firing of a transgender woman by The City of Charlotte. You can read the article here.

The following is an exerpt of an article in Gay City News recounting the remarks by Joe Solmonese at the HRC dinner in New York City February 9th:

"In talking about ENDA, Solmonese delicately made the case that success on a version of the bill that includes protections for transgendered Americans was possible because HRC was willing to compromise in accepting a non-inclusive version when it passed the House in late 2007. After voicing his confidence that a stronger version of the measure would be enacted, he said, "Why? Because we had the guts and the will to start this fight and we more than any other organization have devoted the resources and the ground troops to finish it, and we will do that this year."

The article can be read in it's entirety here.

This stuff hits a nerve in a major way. The local news tonight quoted The City of Charlotte as stating there are no laws protecting this woman. This is our reality. I wish to acknowledge Donna Rose for bringing Mr. Solomonese' remarks at the NYC HRC Gala to attention via her excellent blog.

Press Release - Stephen Moller Parole Denied

2009-02-11T22:49:00.004-05:00

Press Release - Sean's Last Wish

For Immediate Release: February 11, 2009

STEPHEN ANDREW MOLLER's PAROLE DENIED

Columbia, South Carolina

This morning the South Carolina Parole Board denied early parole for Stephen Andrew Moller's. He will now serve the remainder of his sentence until July 07, 2009. After Moller is released he will be on probations for three years.

The Kennedy family would like to thank all the people and media that have worked so hard to bring this issue to light. Your help has some brought justice to Sean's memory.

Elke Kennedy is available for statements.
#
For more information, see: www.seanslastwish.org

Coalition Sponsors and co-organizers:

The South Carolina Progressive Network www.scpronet.com

The mission statement of Sean's Last Wish is to empower people through educational diversity programs, non-violent conflict resolution and individual involvement in the community.

February 3, 2009

2009-02-03T22:10:00.002-05:00

I wonder how I can go for years without catching so much as a cold and then, without warning I get zapped. Whether it was bronchitis or a virus I've not done much of anything the last ten days. Yuck. I did finally feel better today and had lunch with a friend.

One thing I did perk up for last week was the first meeting of The Charlotte Interfaith Coalition. The only adequate word I can find is 'extraordinary'.

We had nine different faith communities represented: Buddhist, Jewish and various Christian denominations. There were 25 people present, including three pastors.

Our initial meeting was a time of becoming acquainted. As we went around the room I heard stories of hurt. At the same time, I also heard hope. I heard compassion. This will be an important part of what we have to offer the LGBT community.

I just think it was so unique to have a faith based meeting with the goal of influencing other faith communities to become Welcoming & Affirming, and to also touch the broader LGBT community. We will meet once per month with limitless possibilities. I realize I speak in superlatives occasionally, but this is going to be huge.

We are not unique as my friends in Winston-Salem have been meeting the last few months. Thanks to all of you for the inspiration!

This weekend is Charlotte Gender Alliance's second meeting in the LGBT Community Center. The common denominator in everything we are doing is unity. It's not cutting edge stuff. If we want to be united, we must get to know each other. Lots of exciting things ahead.

January 26, 2009

2009-01-26T01:48:00.007-05:00

Sometimes I get so caught up in living a life I don't find time to post as often. I should say I don't take time which is more accurate.

This past Saturday evening was a bingo fund raiser in Greenville, SC for Sean's Last wish. All in all it was a great kickoff for the new year, a year in which fund raising is going to be an issue for every foundation. All we can do is keep the faith and continue doing what we do. You can click the photos below to enlarge. The first one is my dear friend Leslie, also a board member. The third photo is of four board members, Elke, Pam, Jim and Leslie. Beth was unable to make it Saturday evening.

As you read in previous posts, the parole hearing for Stephen Moller is February 11th. I plan to be in Columbia, SC for the hearing. At the very latest, he will be released in July. The larger issue for him is what is going to happen with the rest of his life. My sincere prayer is for him to turn around and find a genuine focus.

I've been very busy with our Charlotte Interfaith Coalition meeting this coming Thursday. For people of different faiths to gather in one place with the purpose of reaching out to the LGBT community is almost overwhelming. This is a major step outside my comfort zone but it's not the first time I've done that in the last year. This is something which is way past time to do. It will be a meeting which is truly ecumenical.

Last of all for today, a word to the person who signed into Charlotte Gender Alliance last week with the intent of stirring up controversy. It didn't work. I know who you are. An unfortunate reality in the transgender community is that we have some would be leaders who preach equality and dignity but are unable to grant it to others. Some who wish to be leaders have not learned you first must be the least.

President Obama has spoken of leaving the pettiness of the past behind. I would suggest a few people in our community would do well to listen carefully to those words.

Press Release - Sean's Last Wish

2009-01-11T22:06:00.005-05:00

I want readers to see this evening's press release from Sean's Last Wish. It has often been said the battle for human dignity will be won in the court of public opinion. There is truth in this, but for justice to be served in the here and now, the meaning of personal responsibility must be learned.

A message must also be sent that violence is not an acceptable reaction to hatred of someone perceived as different. We speak of hate crimes and know it's not about the transgender community or even the LGBT community as a whole. It's about anyone who is judged for no other reason than who they are. Any of us could be a name to be read during the Transgender Day of Remembrance or The National Day of Silence this coming year.

If there is to be change, it will begin with us searching our own heart. Nothing else is more important.

I earnestly encourage anyone who feels led, to send a letter to the SC Parole Board as quickly as possible. It must happen before January 23rd.
_________________________________________________

UPDATE:

ELKE RECEIVED A LETTER FROM THE SOUTH CAROLINA DEPARTMENT OF PROBATION PARDON AND PAROLE SERVICES ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 10, 2009 INFORMING HER THAT A EARLY PAROLE HEARING HAS BEEN SCHEDULED FOR WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2009 AT 09:00 AM AT 2221 DEVINE STREET, COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA.

IN ADDITION STEPHEN ANDREW MOLLER'S FINAL RELEASE DATE HAS BEEN MOVED UP FROM SEPTEMBER 2009 TO JULY 07, 2009. MOLLER RECEIVED A TWO MONTHS CREDIT FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR FOR PURSUING HIS GED.

NOW MORE THAN EVER WE NEED YOUR HELP, PLEASE SEND YOUR LETTERS TO THE ADDRESS BELOW THIS WEEK! ANY LETTERS RECEIVED BY THE PAROLE BOARD AFTER JANUARY 23, 2009 WILL NOT BE READ.

THIS IS A PUBLIC HEARING, ANYONE ABLE TO SUPPORT ELKE , HER FAMILY AND THE SEAN'S LAST WISH FAMILY IS ENCOURAGED TO ATTEND.
ALSO, PLEASE LET ELKE KNOW IF YOU SEND A LETTER AND IF POSSIBLE, SEND HER A COPY OF THE LETTER, SO SHE CAN HAVE COPIES TO TAKE WITH HER TO THE PAROLE HEARING.

Be sure to include Moller's full name and ID number:
Stephen Andrew Moller - SCDC ID # 00328891.

Send your letters to:
Department of Probation Pardon and Parole Services
2221 Devine Street, Suite 600, PO Box 50666
Columbia SC 29250

Please forward to your contacts, friends and family.
Thank you for all of your support!

January 10, 2008

2009-01-10T22:29:00.002-05:00

This morning was our meeting at PFLAG Salisbury. I don't know of a group I enjoy more, both in terms of passion, outreach and just being with some of the nicest people I know.

I especially like their outreach to the community of Rowan Co. We have a scholarship fund that sends a young person to school each year. We also volunteer with Rowan Helping Ministries, an outreach program to those in need, which are many at this time. I volunteered this morning but realized that's the day of the HRC Gala in Charlotte next month. More on that later. Last year's Educational Initiative was 'interesting'. I think this year will be equally enlightening. As I said, more later.

It's interesting how things happen when you network. The PFLAG folks invited me to speak to the group last March. They were so nice I decided to join and it's become one of my favorite events.

This morning a representative of RAIN - Regional Aids Interfaith Network, came to speak. Both her passion and compassion were evident. It was a good meeting.

We have set a date of January 29th for our first Interfaith Coalition meeting in Charlotte. This may not be huge in terms of glitz or numbers, but nothing is more important. It may well be we can work closely with RAIN.

I was thinking the other day of what has meant most to me since I transitioned. I think as much as anything, the day I got my new library card stands out. There's some little pleasure in seeing that slip of paper with my name inserted into the book. I guess I'm a person of simple pleasures which is probably a good thing.

Press Release - Sean's Last Wish - parole hearing scheduled

2009-01-07T00:01:00.004-05:00

Sean's Last Wish Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 01/06/09

Contact:

Elke Kennedy

elke@seanslastwish.org

Stop Early Parole for Sean Kennedy's Killer

In May of 2007, in Greenville, South Carolina, Sean Kennedy, a 20-year-old gay man was leaving a bar when Stephen Andrew Moller called him a homophobic slur and hit him in the face so hard that Kennedy's brain separated from its stem. Moller left him on the sidewalk, unconscious, and Sean died later than night from his injuries.

Sean was killed because he was gay and his murder was unprovoked, yet his killer was plea bargained down to involuntary manslaughter and received a 5 year sentence suspended to 3 years. Because of the credit Moller received for time he served before his sentencing, the longest possible time he will have to serve in prison is until September 2009. Because of the inadequacy of South Carolina laws and the lack of hate crimes statutes in the state, Sean's murderer is eligible for parole as early as next month, meaning that he will have served only 8 months in prison since his sentencing.

Sean's Last Wish is asking the GLBT community and their allies to protest this injustice and ask the parole board to make Stephen Andrew Moller serve the remainder of his sentence. While Sean Kennedy's family may never see justice done for Sean, we ask you to help us do all that we can to show SC officials and the rest of the country that our community will not simply sit back and watch such violence and injustice continue to affect the lives of GLBT people.

Please write a letter to the parole board and in your letter, please remind them of the violent and unprovoked nature of Moller's offense and the pain and suffering it has caused in the lives of Sean Kennedy's family and friends. Also, please let Sean's mother Elke Kennedy know if you send a letter and if possible, send her a copy of the letter (elke@seanslastwish.org), so she can have them to take with her to the parole hearing.

Be sure to include Moller's full name and ID number:

Stephen Andrew Moller - SCDC ID # 00328891.

Send your letters to:

Department of Probation Pardon and Parole Services
2221 Devine Street, Suite 600, PO Box 50666
Columbia SC 29250

For more information on Sean's murder and Sean's Last Wish, please visit www.seanslastwish.org

The New Year

2009-01-05T23:17:00.002-05:00

After this past weekend, I can already see 2009 is going to be a banner year. We had Sean's Last Wish board and volunteer meetings in Greenville until 4 PM Saturday. There is a major workshop planned for mid April; more on that later. January 24 is a Bingo fundraiser at a restaurant in Greenville, SC. If anyone close by is interested in coming, please contact me. It will be a lot of fun.

I realize the economic times are what they are, but if anyone can donate time or financial help, it will help the foundation tremendously. We always need volunteers.

I made it back to Charlotte for the first Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting in the LGBT Community Center. The members met for dinner at 4:30 while I was traveling home, so I had coffee ready when everyone got there. We had a total of 26 people this month, with folks offering ideas on programs and events for the future. We now have ample space and resources to serve our community and, equally important, we are making a step towards uniting the LGBT community and making a positive impact on this area of North Carolina and beyond.

Also taking place is the beginning of an Interfaith Coalition. I have written of how I feel about the chasm that exists between the LGBT Community and 'the church'. We are beginning to partner with churches which are welcoming with the goal of leading other churches which may be leaning that way.

All these outreach efforts taken as a whole may not seem connected, but they are. They are connected by the thread of human dignity, the one goal upon which we must never lose focus. Yep, an amazing year ahead.

New Years Eve

2008-12-31T12:54:00.005-05:00

Congratulations to Angela Brightfeather on being named Q-Notes Person of the Year.

People with both passion and compassion will not always agree on every issue. I will always stand either beside or behind Angela, a time that may come sooner rather than later. More on that to follow.

2008 was an amazing year, as they all are, but this year was one of more changes than ever. The cool thing about change, one leads to another....and another.

Each New Years Eve, I listen to this ABBA tune from 12/31/79. You can listen here if you'd like.

Happy new year to everyone, including those dear friends I will not see in '09.

Walkin' In Memphis

2008-12-31T01:36:00.004-05:00

It may be time to rewrite the lyrics to that song because transgender people are quite wary of 'Walkin' in Memphis' these days.

Leeneshia Edwards, a transgender woman was shot in the face Christmas Eve in Memphis, bringing the total to three for the year in that city and four in the last four years. She remains in critical condition and they are seeking the assailant. You can read about it here.

This is on the heels of Duanna Johnson's murder in November, which followed an incident of police brutality during the summer. The lawsuit is still pending for the family on that one. The two officers in question have been discharged. The video is not fun to watch.

No doubt we will hear Ms Edwards defined by her ethnicity or personal life circumstance. As in the past, the inference may be that she put herself in a bad situation and deserved what she got. People actually do say that. My transgender friends who read this know what's going on. I'm writing for benefit of any non TG people who may read this.

We had to read the names of far too many murdered human beings November 20th. Any transperson could be on that list, me or anyone I know. It remains a fact people are stereotyped by preconceived ideas, many times by what they see on Jerry Springer. Thankfully, there are enough people putting themselves out there to the point people are learning we are quite the opposite.

The Matthew Shepherd Hate Crimes Prevention Act is so vitally important. President Elect Obama has stated this to be one of his priorities. Let us hope.

Post Christmas

2008-12-27T22:08:00.005-05:00

Christmas was unique in many ways this year. I did not see any of my family, which is something that brings sadness to all of us who are in this situation. I sincerely hope that changes. I did have email contact with my daughter, with the plan for us to have dinner soon.

Our Christmas Day open house at the LGBT Community Center was a major success. There were lots of people I met for the first time. I had an RSVP from the priest at a Buddhist Temple in Charlotte. He wanted to come and support our community. He was most welcome and a very nice gentleman to talk with. I hope we see him again soon.

The cool thing, and what we wanted was for people of differing faiths and orientation to come together to enjoy each other's company. It was a good thing to do and I'm sure we will do it again.

Christmas Eve I had lunch with Linda, a dear friend I had not seen in a while. In the evening we had a chili supper, then the Candlelight Service at church. It's always one of the more special times of Christmas and this year was no exception.

Melanie is having problems with her knees still, so we got together Christmas night. Otherwise she would have been at the open house Christmas day. All in all, a wonderful Christmas.

The Day Before Christmas Eve

2008-12-23T10:44:00.004-05:00

Below is a piece I posted two years ago today. I believe it is still pertinent in so many ways. Sometimes I need to search my heart and turn my own words into action.

12/23/06

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me". I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire?

As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace. As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 21, 2008

2008-12-21T18:18:00.006-05:00

Last night was a little holiday party, which always reminds me how much I enjoy Christmas. Unfortunately there are so many others who are not enjoying the season, whether due to the economy, job loss, family loss or a combination of these things. As I have said so often, the peace we seek is already right there just waiting for us.

Here in Charlotte, we have decided to open the LGBT Community Center Christmas Day from 1 PM until 6 PM. There will be plenty of food and a time to meet some nice folks. If you live near Charlotte, or will be passing through that day, we would love to have you. It is not necessary to RSVP unless someone wants to let me know if they are bringing a dish. I'm keeping a list to be sure we have enough variety. It is also not necessary to RSVP to break bread with us. Send me an email if you need information or directions.

The really cool thing is we will always embrace diversity. Some straight allies are coming, along with a some folks who don't celebrate Christmas. We really can get together under one roof, no matter who we are, and enjoy each other's company. There will be music on the keyboard, which leads me to say I promised to not sing. That in itself should boost attendance.

Charlotte Gender Alliance will be moving into The Center on a permanent basis beginning with the January 3rd meeting. This will afford us so many more amenities and flexibility in our meetings. Most of all, it is a step towards a united LGBT community. It's not a quantum leap in unity but it's pretty cool.

Interfaith Coalition

2008-12-16T13:33:00.004-05:00

In September I attended a three day conference at Wake Forest Divinity School on 'Towards Building a Welcoming and Inclusive Church'. I've written at length on the importance of this, and addressing the chasm that exists between the LGBT Community and 'the church'.

A number of us from the conference have kept in touch since then. The folks in Winston Salem have organized an Interfaith Coalition. I joined them for last night's meeting. It is always good seeing old friends again and making new ones. There were representatives from the Methodist, Episcopalian, Pentecostal, MCC and United Church of Christ denominations.

Most importantly is the focus of the effort. Once we know our purpose, which had already been clearly stated, the next step is to define our goals. I heard some excellent ideas, one of which is group bible study to focus on our own innate prejudice. In other words, how can we ask a church to be Open & Affirming until we have searched our own hearts?

No one is perfect and each of us has personal issues. No one is exempt, especially me. To that end, it was suggested we have a series of bible study sessions to help us better deal with ourselves.

The churches which have had the courage to make an O&A statement should be honored. A lot of progress has been made in the faith community, but all you have to do is attend a Pride event to see how far we have to go. Someone last night remembered the protestor at NC Pride in Durham who carried a sign, 'you deserve hell'.

Unfortunately, some Christians are strident with their message to the point they drive a wedge between people. This is true in general, but especially where the LGBT community is concerned. That is an understatement of the highest magnitude.

As someone said last night, we carry signs in the Pride parade saying 'What would Jesus do? We would do well to ask ourselves that question. It's time we did.

Christmas party

2008-12-14T22:13:00.008-05:00

Last evening was the Kappa Beta Christmas party. I intentionally don't talk a lot about myself in this blog because it would be boring, but I was given the greatest honor I've had in a long time.

A Kappa Beta member, Dyana Lea passed away this year. She was well past eighty years old and was active until the end. She was an inspiration to anyone who knew her.

The Kappa Beta Board of Directors presented me the first 'Dyana Lea Memorial for Outstanding Service to the Transgender Community'. Above is a photo of my dear friend Nancy presenting the award. I was almost speechless; note the 'almost'. You can click to enlarge

Real achievements are never accomplished by one person. Rather, each organization or outreach is but the sum of all the parts. Our success or failure is dependant upon each other.

If a group member touches one life by listening to someone in need, they may have accomplished as much as any activist. In a large sense, each of us is a representative of our community. Activism takes many forms.

I often wonder how many people read this blog, but if you are contemplating visiting a support group, you will be a valuable addition wherever you live.

I attended a laser workshop last week. I am seriously considering laser aesthetics as a new career. There will always be the debate between laser and electrolysis as to which is most effective. Each has it's place in the right situation and perfomed properly.

December 7, 2008

2008-12-07T22:14:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning we had a Sean's Last Wish board meeting in Greenville, SC at 8:30 AM, followed by a volunteer meeting at 2 PM. I think there were 9 new volunteers which is a wonderful show of passion and support.

A videographer taped The Day of Remembrance ceremonies in Charlotte which we viewed during the volunteer meeting. I swear I got as emotional watching this as I did during the event. It's just such an overwhelming feeling when you think about all the people we don't know about who are suffering abuse.

Incidentally, if you are looking for a unique Christmas gift which will make an impact on the life of the giftee, I would encourage you to consider the book, 'Crisis' by Mitchell Gold. Sean's story is this book, as well as that of certain men and women who are quite well known. If you purchase through the website, profits go to the foundation. There is still time before Christmas.

I got back to Charlotte in time for our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting at 7 PM. It was a busy day, but filled with events which are vitally important.

December 1, 2008

2008-12-01T23:24:00.004-05:00

Today is World Aids Day. Two friends and I went downtown at noon to pay respects during the ceremony and reading of the names. A church service was held this evening.

Naturally I thought of The Transgender Day of Remembrance and our reading of names. If we are to become one community, and I believe we must, all segments of that community need to be supportive of each other.

Many years ago there was debate about the wisdom of the transgender community aligning with the LGB community. You still hear it occasionally. What I thought of that issue now or then d0es not matter. It's been done and we'd best realize we are eternally classified as one community. I guess you could say we are joined at the hip. We need to be joined at the heart.

We are certainly not at the forefront of that goal in NC, but I believe we are doing better. I found it noteworthy that we had more gay and straight allies attend our event than we did transgender people. I have to admit that gives me reason to think we have some work to do in motivating our own people.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T22:06:00.006-05:00

It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is already over and Christmas season is here. This is positively my favorite time of the year.

I had Thanksgiving dinner with Melanie and her family, as we usually do. She always has a turkey and a ham, plus all the other side dishes. I wrote about her knee surgeries earlier this year. All the work getting ready for dinner didn't help her. She is in a lot of pain this evening.

I always liked going to the parade in Charlotte, which was sort of a mini version of Macy's. I watched on TV this year and it was actually well done. There was a lot of diversity which reflects the climate of our city. I thought of the diversity in our community and some things we could do in the way of future education and outreach, but that's another story.

Anyway, there was a Mariachi band in the line up. You know how they have a prearranged stop in front of the cameras. I swear, the trumpet player took a phone call during their prime time stop. It was one of those moments where you feel sorry for them missing their opportunity, but still comical in it's way.

After The Day of Remembrance ceremonies last week coming so close to the holidays, I've thought a lot about people in our community who are isolated. Especially in these economic times, there are people close by who have lost everything. I made a post elsewhere this week that, if you find yourself in crisis, do not hesitate to call someone. This is what the emergency people are trained to do and there is no shame in seeking help.

The names we read last week were the tip of the iceberg in terms of wrecked lives and suicide. The tragedy would be for one more life to not be all it could be. I just encourage anyone who needs help, don't be afraid to seek it. Do whatever it takes to survive, but above all else, survive.

It is not logical for a human being to be rejected only because of who they are, but it remains the reality for all too many. The murders this year were often due to someone's fear of anyone different from their version of normal.

In a sense, the same principle applies when LGBT people are rejected by family and coworkers. Why people find it hard to accept that which is different from them, I will never understand. I still maintain the answer lies in pride in who we are and the ultimate removal of the mask many of us are forced to wear. The thing about wearing a mask, people may not be able to see into the real you, but it prevents the real you from seeing out.

November 23, 2008

2008-11-23T20:18:00.004-05:00

The Transgender Day of Remembrance is always emotional for me, but this year it was overwhelming. One of our members had a cake made with the names of the victims thus far in 2008, with special tribute to Sean Kennedy. I found myself thinking all day of people I knew years ago who are no longer with us.

After the speeches, including Elke Kennedy, we had an outdoor candlelight vigil followed by a reading of the names, accompanied by a chime after each name was read. Emotional does not describe it.

Special thanks go to the leaders at The Lesbian & Gay Community Center. Their cooperation was amazing and will not be forgotten. As I said Thursday evening, as far as I'm concerned, we're family.

Saturday was a women's business bazaar at the center. I met some nice people and got an idea or two about something I want to do in the future.

Two months ago, Elke had asked if I would serve on the board of directors of Sean's Last Wish. Naturally I told her I would be honored. There is so much important outreach to be accomplished and I can think of no one whom I would be more honored to stand beside.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance

2008-11-20T14:07:00.003-05:00

The observance in Charlotte will be this evening at 7:30. I invite anyone who feels so led to watch the following videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s05LdQTUk6k&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUhZzvBiv4Y&feature=related

May there come a day when there will be no new names to be read.

November 16, 2008

2008-11-16T22:26:00.011-05:00

Yesterday was an all day meeting of the S.C. Progressive network in Columbia. This is an organization comprised of 59 other activist groups. There were all day speakers on topics ranging from the environment, legal issues and LGBT rights.
Elke was presented the Thunder & Lightning award Saturday evening, which was well deserved.

At 1 PM, a number of us drove to the SC State Capitol for the demonstration against Prop 8. It's always good to feed off the energy from these events and this was no exception. There was a similar demonstration in Charlotte, but I've not figured how to be in two places at once yet.

Something occurred to me that has been discussed within the transgender community by a number of people I respect and admire. We are proud to stand with our gay friends in the cause for equal rights. As we approach The Transgender Day of Remembrance, the reality is that people in all segments of the LGBT community are being murdered out there.

There was a vigil in Memphis, TN today for Duanna Johnson, the most recent transgendered human being who was murdered. Read about it here. Her funeral was this past Friday.

Issues as basic as the right to exist, or the right to employment are on a par with equal marriage legislation. We are getting total support from the Gay & Lesbian Community Center in Charlotte. I personally view this as one of the more positive signs I've seen, perhaps ever. They are doing an email blast tomorrow to get the word out about our ceremony Thursday evening. Pretty awesome!

Until each of us comes to the realization that we have more commonalities than disparities, we will never reach our full potential either as individuals, or as a community.

Some say trans people don't 'get' gay people and vice versa. The needs are so great, we would do well to learn to 'get' each other. The answer is within us; it is we who chose our destiny and no one else.

Anyhow, I got home a little before midnight, in time to bake a casserole for a potluck lunch after church service this morning.

November 12, 2008

2008-11-12T22:36:00.010-05:00

The Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies in Charlotte have been finalized. You can click on the flyer to enlarge.

Elke Kennedy will speak during the event. We are fortunate and honored to have her.

We will have another name to read that evening, Duanna Johnson of Memphis, TN was found murdered this past Sunday evening. She is the transgender woman who was victim of police brutality this past July. The video is not fun to watch. You can read about the murder here. The list of names was already far too long to even contemplate.

This past Saturday evening was the Fall Soiree of PFLAG Salisbury. Proceeds from the event went to their scholarship fund. This chapter has come to mean a lot to me and I'm a proud member. Elke, Jim and their friend Leslie came to Salisbury after their training. Elke was invited to speak and of course was as powerful as always.

Stop The Hate - Nov 7, 2008

2008-11-08T01:03:00.005-05:00

This evening was the Matthew Shephard Stop The Hate concert at UNCC. Elke and Jim are in Charlotte several days for the training session. We had dinner last night; the concert was this evening.

The concert was to commemorate last month's tenth anniversary of Matthew Shephard's murder. Elke and Jim were recognized during the evening for their work in Sean's Last Wish. Even during the concert, people come up to Elke just to share a word or a hug. There is no way to calculate the number of lives she and Jim have touched in the last year and a half.

The purpose of the training sessions is to train the trainers as activists on college campuses and elsewhere. In 20-2o hindsight, I wish I had signed up for the training.

I'm just like anyone else, I get caught up in living my own life along with the accompanying daily drama, and my life has had it's share this year. I even find myself concerned about the drama in support groups, something that has absolutely no useful purpose I can think of.

Then I enjoy an evening at the Matthew Shephard concert, spend time networking with other like minded people and realize this and the people in the LGBT community who are persecuted only because of 'being' is all that really matters. My batteries must not have been too low because they are fully charged early on a Saturday morning.

November 5, 2008

2008-11-05T23:20:00.004-05:00

Last night was our class at the university. We've been having a panel discussion with a human sexuality class for quite a number of years. It's been my pleasure to be coordinator the last several years. It's always good to bring people who are doing this the first time. No one has ever been sorry they came. This visit, one of our gentleman members attended. I was proud of Leigh for doing this. He, and everyone did a great job as always.

Weekend before last, I was invited to a wedding reception for Connie, one of the girls I worked with. It was good seeing her and Regina again. I've put up a photo we took. You can click to enlarge.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is planning our event for The Transgender Day of Remembrance November 20th. Details to follow, but this event should be well attended. The community center in Charlotte is working with us in a major way to promote this. I believe this will be a time of relationship building with them. I can easily envision our organization meeting there in the near future.

We are quickly outgrowing our current meeting place. The conference table was full this past Saturday evening, with people taking seats behind the table. We never expected this kind of growth, but it is of no surprise. As with anything worthwhile, you find a need and then fill it.

one year later

2008-10-22T23:19:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is exactly one year since my facial surgery. It has made life much easier, so I would definitely do it again. I have thought of posting photos the day after surgery, but I can't bring myself to do it. I never knew it was possible to feel so horrible for so long, although they said I did great. The chin implant has helped round out my face; at least I think it has. You know you look bad when you get up in the morning, the cat takes a look at you and promptly throws up. That did happen.

My friend Roberta was on a panel discussion at Queens University in Charlotte last week. There was a showing of 'For The Bible Tells Me So'. There was a panel discussion afterward on what the bible says about homosexuality. As always, being transgender would not have been mentioned until Roberta volunteered for the panel. She did a great job.

I'm doing a corporate presentation in a couple weeks. I enjoy events like this so much and always look forward to the event when the time comes. We have a planning session tomorrow.

Elizabeth Birch at UNCC

2008-10-08T21:40:00.003-04:00

Former Human Rights Campaign director, Elizabeth Birch spoke at The University of North Carolina at Charlotte last evening. Her speech evidenced her devotion to the cause of human dignity and was well received.

As I was expecting, the subject of The Employment Non Discrimination Act (ENDA) came up. How could it not? She pointed out they were within one vote of passing ENDA in 1995.

During the post event reception, I was able to speak with her one on one. She is as appalled as anyone over the rift between HRC and the transgender community. Her comments about imploring Barney Frank to support a trans inclusive ENDA were interesting.

It would not serve well for me to make a lengthy commentary on ENDA. Donna Rose, a former HRC board member has done a better job of maintaining a timeline than anyone I know of.

Elke Kennedy has been interviewed by GLAAD. You can read the interview here. The energy and courage of this woman continue to amaze me. I'm proud to call her my friend.

If you go the GLAAD blog home page, another transgender woman was murdered in August. She passed away August 30th. Nakhia Williams will be another human being to be remembered on The Transgender Day of Remembrance next month.

my daughter's wedding

2008-10-06T22:39:00.003-04:00

I don't write a lot about my personal life, except for the nut in the gas line last week. However, my daughter was married yesterday.

This was one of the more emotional times I've had this year, and I've already had a few. I had not seen either of my children in several years. I truly hope this is the start of a new relationship. There are a myriad of issues to discuss and begin to heal. The real healing will begin with only one word.......love.

Her husband is a fine young man, in the Army and will begin his second tour in Iraq October 17th. I thanked him for for what he has done for us and am proud for him to be my son in law.

My son's brother in law is a Marine, having joined the service earlier this year. As I spoke with him, the pride in his voice and his demeanor was palpable. These are people to be proud of.

My ex wife and I were cordial, which is no small thing. She probaby would not believe how I have worried about her, although I have.

I have to also admit I never knew I had so many tears to cry, but that's okay. Tears bring a healing in many ways.

I don't always agree with people in the transgender community why try to reconstruct their past. I respect their decision because this is an individual choice and we do what we must to survive. However, in my view, we are all the sum total of everything we have ever done or been. I will always be a father, and proudly so. It is part of who I am. Everyone changes as a person over time, some of us moreso than others, which is putting it mildly. This part of me will never change. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding we have always been who we are; only the outward appearance changes.

Nuts in Charlotte

2008-10-01T22:59:00.003-04:00

The gas situation in the southeast is insane. More specifically, some folks in Charlotte are insane. I found fuel yesterday with only two people ahead in line. I thought, how cool is this? A guy in a Mercedes creeped out his door, moseyed over to the pump and suddenly realized he just might need his debit card.

He fumbled through his wallet and laid out all the cards on the trunk. Having found the treasured debit card, he realized he would need a PIN number. He fumbled a while longer while folks in line were running on fumes. You would have thought the guy was playng Solitaire on the top of that trunk lid. He finally got lucky and picked the right card, then gave me a smile.

I wondered to myself what he would say if I took out a baseball bat and asked him the eternal riddle: What happens when you hit a Mercedes with a ball bat? Answer -- The Mercedes Bends.

I gotta get in anger management.

Pride = Dignity

2008-09-28T23:08:00.008-04:00

This was NC Pride weekend in Durham, NC, held on the campus of Duke University. I drove up with my friends Elke and Jim to help with their booth, Sean's Last Wish. Elke spoke at noon and was inspirational, as always. When she talks to people about her son, they are often moved to tears. No one can deliver the message the way a mother can.

It was a totally great day. As I've said, these events are unique in their own way with a certain energy about them. If my enthusiasm is low when I come, which it seldom is, these days always charge me up.

I met my friends Pastor Mike and Sister Katherine from The Church of The Painted Sky in Lumberton, NC. They joined our Carolina TLGB Christians online group the week it was formed. Their messages and prayers have meant a lot to us.

You always run into friends you haven't seen in a while. I met my dear friends Rachael, Victoria and her dear wife, Susan (Sunshine). Victoria and Susan will move home to Canada soon, but will aways be my friends. They have left a legacy in North Carolina with Durham Gender Alliance, which is growing weekly.

I had not planned to march in the parade, but I linked up with new friends from The United Church of Chapel Hill, NC. They are part United Church of Christ, so it was like coming home to friends I was meeting for the first time. They were so nice, they gave me one of their t-shirts. It was cool they were at the beginning of the parade. I got goose bumps as we marched along with crowds five people deep in some places waving and cheering. The parade itself was a half mile long. The march was a couple miles through downtown Durham.

As always, there was a block long row of protestors. I always enjoy looking them in the eye and giving them a word of encouragement. Mostly I don't get a friendly look back.

This takes me to the title of this post. I have uploaded a bunch of photos from the event. You can see them here. In photo #24, the banners say "Break the Cycle of Silence, Discrimination and Injustice by Living Your Truth". That one statement sums up the day. Pride = Dignity.

It will never cease to amaze me that people have a hard time accepting what they do not understand. There were people this weekend who did not completely get me, or perhaps I do not understand them. Yet, when you walk into the venue, you feel like you've come home.

This is why Elke Kennedy must fight for justice and tolerance. She lost her son only because of who he was. How many times in our day to day lives do we judge others or give only a tacit acceptance to others who are different from our perception of normal? Do we have to completely understand each other to accept each other?

The answer is, no we do not. This is one reason hatred exists within the LGBT community towards what they perceive as 'the church'. A protester yesterday held a sign that said, "You deserve hell". See photo #42. I have seen hatred before. I don't think I've seen it sink that low until yesterday. (You can click on the photos to enlarge)

We hear people ask why someone would choose such a lifestyle. Would anyone actually make a conscious decision to live a life in which they would be forced to hide who they are for a lifetime for fear of losing family, home, friends or career?

It is true the LGB community does not always 'get' the transgender segment and often vice versa, but this is the one thing we do have in common......the reality of the possibility of being stereotyped, marginalized and ostracized.....or subjected to violence only because of who we are.

Jenny Boylan said the one thing we have in common with the gay community is we get beaten up by the same people. There is certainly a grain of truth in that, but I think it goes much deeper. The Transgender of Day of Remembrance will be held November 20th. As long as the cycle of ignorance breeding fear, which breeds hatred which breeds violence exists, there will always be a need for a day of remembrance.

There will never be a shortage of hurting people to encourage one at a time, nor a shortage of causes for which to stand up. Nothing is more important.

Towards Building a Welcoming Church

2008-09-23T23:31:00.005-04:00

The conference this past weekend on "Towards Building a Welcoming Church" was precisely what I needed. It was a time of worship, learning, networking and refocusing. I met some wonderful people, many of whom I want to get to know better.

The good people at Wake Forest Divinity School were gracious hosts. I might add their cafeteria is beyond awesome. Some of us agreed we could dine there every day.

It was an opportunity for me to focus on outreach outside the transgender community itself, valuable though that is. As I said earlier, so many churches have turned away the people it should be reaching out to in earnest. The days were rather long, but it was a totally unique experience. The worship time at the end of each day was very moving. You may want to visit The Institute For Welcoming Resources, sponsored by The Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

Unfortunately I had to miss the LGBT Healthfair Saturday morning which I was instrumental in organizing. Our CGA folks stepped up and handled the booth. We even picked up a new member as a result of this event.

I also had to miss The Farewell To Summer Party at The Van Landingham Estate. This is one of the major events of the year and I'm sure I would have met some amazing people there also. However the insight I gained Friday through Sunday at the conference overshadowed everything.

Most of my friends know by now I left my previous employer last month. It was on the very best of terms, but was also one of the more difficult events of my lifetime. It can never be an easy thing to leave people you have come to care about. It's impossible to work with so many people for so many years without developing a genuine respect and even love.

I especially have a profound respect for our management in this company. These are good people who will always have a special place in my heart. If you read this, you already know these things and that I wish each and every one of you the very best as you move forward in your own life journeys.

Crisis - the book

2008-09-17T22:15:00.003-04:00

I meant to post a link earlier to a new book titled 'Crisis'. It details the lives of a number of victims of hate crimes and how their families dealt with the loss. There is a section on Sean Kennedy. If you are inclined to buy this book, a purchase through Sean's Last Wish will donate a portion of the proceeds to the foundation.

Speaking of which, I'm planning to drive to Pride Raleigh Sept. 27 with my friend Elke and her husband. We will leave Friday to be rested for a long day at the Pride event. Each of these events is unique. Elke has been given a speaking slot, as well she should. For me, this will be another time of charging my batteries and networking with a whole new group of people. I do enjoy these events so much. I'm sure I will see many acquaintances and friends from the Raleigh/Durham area.

I was given an opportunity to attend a conference titled 'On Becoming A Welcoming Church' this coming Friday through Sunday at the Wake Forest Divinity School in Winston Salem, NC.

Even though I will miss several events in Charlotte this weekend, this is a unique opportunity and one I do not want to miss. Our Charlotte Gender Alliance folks will handle our booth at the LGBT Healthfair Saturday. I wanted to attend the Farewell To Summer Party Saturday evening, but as I said, the conference must come first.

We hear so often about people who have been turned away by their own churches, it becomes easy to overlook those chuches that have had the courage to become Open & Affirming. So many in the LGBT community are ostracized by the very churches that should be welcoming. There is an increasing number of Open & Affirming churches. The courage of each church leader and congregation should be honored. The result of that courage will have a ripple effect through time. When any effort is made to educate and encourage, it must come before anything else. Nothing is more important. God loves each of us more than we can imagine; a hurting world needs that message.

The fact this conference will encourage other churches to become 'ONA' is an overwhelming thought.

Sept. 13, 2008

2008-09-13T14:56:00.006-04:00

I've often thought a most unique act would be a transgender ventroliquist. I mean, how many have you seen? Actually there are a few.

Terri Rogers of Great Britain (1937-1999) was one of the best. You can view a clip of her on Youtube here. Excuse the somewhat salty language at the beginning. There just aren't many transgender ventriloquists

I've thought about doing a ventriloquist act at one of the Christmas parties this year. It would certainly go over better than my ABBA routine last year. I've already written an act that Melanie thinks is hilarious. I wonder if she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Nah, couldn't be that.

I know I've talked a lot about leadership and the meaning thereof. I have seen so many times over the years when people pay lip service to the cause of human dignity, yet let the message become about them and what they have done. I've seen good people whose passion has grown to the point it overwhelms a group and drains energy that could be used in other outreach efforts.

I found the following lines on inner peace which I would like to share here. In it's simplicity, it says volumes.

By Thomas Merton:
"It is useless to try to make peace with ourselves by being pleased with everything we have done. In order to settle down in the quiet of our own being we must learn to be detached from the results of our own activity. We must withdraw ourselves to some extent, from effects that are beyond our control and be content with the good will and the work that are the quiet expression of our inner life. We must be content to live without watching ourselves live, to work without expecting an immediate reward, to love without an instantaneous gratification, and to exist without any special recognition."

August 25, 2008

2008-08-26T00:54:00.007-04:00

My birthday was yesterday. As a treat, Melanie took me to see Mama Mia this afternoon. Being the ABBA fan that I am, I thought this movie was absolutely wonderful.

As I listened to Meryl Streep singing Waterloo, I found myself wondering why my German rendition of Waterloo wasn't that big a hit at one of the Christmas parties last year. I asked myself if it could be a lack of talent, but of course I quickly realized what a silly thought that was.

There will be another name to remember during the Transgender Day of Remembrance November 20th. Angie Zapata was found murdered in her Greely, CO apartment last month. Donna Rose spoke at the vigil and wrote of it more eloquently than I possibly could. Read it here.

For every battered body, we will never know the number of battered souls who are bullied or harrassed. As I've written often, it's not only transgender or gay people. It's anyone who is harrassed for no reason other than who they are.

People sometimes talk about the transgender lifestyle, or the gay lifestyle or any lifestyle which deviates from the perceived 'norm', as though it were a choice. Would any sane person choose to live a life in which they have to hide the core of who they are from the rest of the world? Who would choose a life that could mean losing everyone they care about?

How ironic that to gain self respect, some must first lose everything. This is the reality for many in our community.

August 24, 2008

2008-08-24T16:08:00.004-04:00

Melanie felt well enough to come to church this morning. She's missed lately due to all the surgery. Everyone was glad to have her back.

My good friend, Angela Brightfeather is vice president of Transgender American Veterans Association. I became very acquainted with the president, Monica Helms during Angela's Educational Initiative in Charlotte at the HRC gala this past February. Both these ladies are the real deal. They have my utmost respect.

There has been a White Paper prepared on the state of transgender veterans affairs for TAVA and the Palm Center at The University of California, Santa Barbara. Angela sent me a copy of this survey in pdf format last week. You can visit The Transgender American Veterans website and read the entire survey. For anyone so inclined, click on 'survey results' and you will see a link to the pdf file.

When we hear of veterans in general who are receiving neither the treatment nor the respect they deserve, it comes as no surprise transgender veterans would be no exception. HRC ran a 'backstory' piece on the survey which you can read here. Angela also let me know a copy of this survey has been placed in the hands of certain members of congress who will be on the floor at the Democratic National Convention in CO this coming week and are members of The House Committee on Veterans' Affairs.

Angela and I go back many years, more than we sometimes admit. We don't always agree, but we have agreed more than once the respect we share will never go away. When you have the common roots we do, it becomes almost like blood.

This survey shows us again there will never be a shortage of injustices or causes in the quest for human dignity. It becomes natural most of our focus is on transgender issues, but it goes far deeper than even that.

Human dignity is the one cause that must never take a back seat to any group or person. I get nuts when I see self promotion become more important than the common goal. Angela knows I was not speaking of her in my remarks on leadership in the previous post. If you happen to read this and wonder if I am talking about you, I probably am.

August 16, 2008

2008-08-16T10:47:00.003-04:00

Melanie had surgery on her right knee this past Wednesday. I spoke with the surgeon and this one seems to have turned out better than the left knee on June 21. She's home resting, but feeling a lot of pain. The partial replacement of the left knee will likely happen soon. The poor girl is running out of knees.

My dear friend Lori Anne is again video blogging on Youtube. In view of the broken marriages and what often place between families and friends, this is worth viewing. Relationships do not have to dissolve merely because a person decided to become a whole person, rather than just walking through life. You can see it here.

There is occasional discussion in the community about leadership and activism. I think they have commonalities, but are not necessarily the same.

Is a leader not someone who sets an example for others by the way he/she treats others?

To be first, one must first become the least. To be looked up to, one must first be looked down upon. We speak of our abhorring labels. Yet, some of us may seek the label of 'leader', which is perhaps the least desired label of all. It is in embracing the term that we may become least effective as a genuine leader.

In large measure, it is part of the eternal conundrum. The greater our quest, whether through a misplaced sense of altruism or self promotion, the less our chance becomes of providing what our world needs, people who can lift up each other, rather than talking down to them; people who can look someone in the eye and tell them it really is okay to be who they are, rather than talking about their own accomplishments.

August 8, 2008

2008-08-08T10:47:00.005-04:00

Anyone who has known me more than five minutes also knows my dear friend Melanie. Each of us has a thing for Wizard of Oz. Five years ago, during my divorce and other issues, she gave me a pair of Ruby Slippers, as a reminder that your dreams really can come true.

During dinner the other night, she had a surprise, a Dorothy watch for each of us. On the face is Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road and a little ruby slipper charm hanging from the face. It's totally beyond cool. Not that anyone would necessarily want to, but you can see it here.

Melanie is having surgery on her right knee this coming Wednesday, after having surgery on the left knee last month. Even though she's home right now, people are still drawn to her for encouragement. It's quite amazing.

This coming September 20th in Charlotte is an LGBT Healthair sponsored by HRC. It will be an all encompassing event for the community. From a transgender perspective, we have a laser technician, an electrologist (some people think they are the same), a medical doctor and a psychologist. There are simultaneous events taking place in Greensboro and Raleigh.

I'm already taking a lot of criticism for working with HRC, even on the local level. A number of these people are my friends and I will always work with them.

There are so many pressing issues in the community. I understand about the HRC/ENDA debacle, but I see people using certain forums to advance their personal agenda. HRC seems to have become the topic du jour. I think it's to the point some people are playing a one note symphony. Maybe it's time to get the rest of the sheet music.

Charlotte Gender Alliance this past Saturday was one of the more energy filled meetings I've ever attended. We had 25 people for the meeting and 14 for dinner. As the group grows, we are going to need a larger meeting space and perhaps consider splitting into two groups, taking a break halfway through and then mingling into two new groups. That way everyone interacts with everyone else. This is not a problem or, if it is, it's the kind we like to have.

Pride Charlotte

2008-07-28T21:40:00.005-04:00

Saturday was a wonderful day. We had plenty of volunteers for our Charlotte Gender Alliance booth. I uploaded some photos in my webshots albumn. You can see them here. I have to admit it really got to me when I saw our newer people handing out flyers and engaging in outreach themselves. They were looking people in the eye and telling them you are welcome to meet with us no matter who you are. Pretty awesome!

I spoke around 12:30. I always spend a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts before I speak. A friend who is virtually a professional photographer took the above photo with a telephoto lens. I think I like this photo because it shows me actually thinking for a change. You can click on it to enlarge.

My dear friend, Elke Kennedy spoke at 1PM. As usual, it was an honor to be in the same venue with her. You have seen me write of her often. She is the founder of Sean's Last Wish. If anyone charges my batteries, Elke definitely does.

I've changed my normal protocol and decided to post the text of my remarks from Saturday. Each word was carefully chosen, including my reference to self promotion at the expense of others. You can read the text here.

July 24, 2008

2008-07-24T20:37:00.003-04:00

A transwoman is filing suit after being terminated from her job with the Georgia General Assembly. Read about it here. She has about as much chance winning that suit as the Panthers do the Super Bowl this year.

This is the reality in our world and is why a trans inclusive ENDA is so important. Many have, and continue to fight long and hard. It is not lost on many of us that Barney Frank said last fall that more education is needed. So far, we mostly have a lot of sniping back and forth within the transgender community about who was, or was not at fault.

The immediate task is to let society see TG people are just like anyone else who wants no more than to be who they are. Events like Pride Saturday give us a chance to educate our own 'community'. How ironic in many ways.

July 22, 2008

2008-07-22T22:19:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow evening is the transgender event for Pride Charlotte Week. There is a showing of the motion picture, Southern Comfort . This is a documentary which chronicles the last days of Robert Eades, a transman living in Georgia. His goal was to live long enough to speak at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta. He achieved his goal.

Dinner is being served, followed by a group discussion. We already have nine members of Charlotte Gender Alliance attending this showing.

July 20, 2008

2008-07-20T20:58:00.005-04:00

Next weekend is Pride Charlotte. Charlotte Gender Alliance is in the process of lining up volunteers to work the booth in two hour shifts. Considering the heat, even two hours may be a stretch. One of our members created a 6' long, 2' high banner. I was moved to tears when I saw this, as it incuded our diversity statement which captures the essence of who we are as an organization, and hopefully of my life as an individual. If you click on the photo above, it will enlarge. I thought it was totally awesome.

This years' theme is 'Live, Love, Be', my three favorite subjects. I have written about the rate of hate crime violence many times. The rate of depression, suicidal ideation and even suicide itself is astronomical in the transgender community. It does not have to be. My message will be very simplistic, it's okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. The thing about love, you first must love yourself as you were created in order to share it with others.

As always, our task is that of education, both the gays inside the venue and the protestors outside. If the two ladies I met last year happen to read this, please do stop by and see us. My respect for you is greater than I can convey. I'm sure you already know that.

I'm scheduled to speak at 12:20. Elke Kennedy is speaking at 1PM, followed by my a civil war costume presentation by my friend, Stephanie Marie.

Today was a puppet show for the children at church. It was a lot of fun doing this. The topic of our presentation was 'courage', which is one of my overriding issues these days.

After service, we had a ground breaking ceremony for the new building addition, followed by a pot luck lunch. It was a wonderful day.

Yesterday was the Kappa Beta support group meeting in Charlotte. I was torn between going to this meeting and driving to Asheville for an event there. I am honored to have a friend in Elke Kennedy, Sean Kennedy's mother. She was attending, along with my friends from PFLAG Salisbury.

I mostly needed some extra sleep yesterday morning, so I stayed in Charlotte for the meeting. I will see them at Pride next Saturday. I plan to work both the Charlotte Gender Alliance and PFLAG booth at various times Saturday.

I wrote some time ago about an outreach effort to a large NC based corporation. Last month, they wrote non harrassment based upon gender identity into their EEO statement. I have now learned they are within two weeks of adding gender identity into their EEO statement. This is major! The importance could not be overstated! It will impact many areas of the southeast and will literally be life changing to both the employees and the communities they serve. They will be driven to the top echelon of the HRC Employer Index.

I told them I woud not make the announcement until all the vice presidents have signed off, but the commitments are in place. This outreach began in February 2007 and has been ongoing. The good thing about outreach, you not only accomplish important goals, you make some real friends. If my friends happen to read this, you know how proud I am of you. I will see you at your Pride booth next Saturday as well.

I have mentioned Elke Kennedy a number of times. There was a memorial service in Greenville, SC for her son on May 16, the first anniversary of his murder. Anniversary is such a poor choice of words.

After Elke's remarks at a park in downtown Greenville, we walked across a foot bridge and tossed daisys in the river below as a memorial to Sean. During he ceremony, Elke saw a white dove fly by, which seems quite significant.

After the event, I lingered on the bridge watching the sunset. I saw the picnickers below and wondered if they realized a woman was up here who had lost her son only because of who he was. I looked at the wide chasm between the two sides of the river. It made me think again of the chasm that exists between the LGBT community and the church. So many people are ostracized from the very institutions which should be most supportive. To that end, we have created an online group called TLGB Christians. We had considered being transgender inclusive only, but then we would doing the very thing against which we preach, leaving others out. Thus, everyone is welcome. This may be the most important group of all. A secular support group can change people during this life. Accepting our Savior will save us for eternity.

I mention this because I was asked this morning if I would take the position of Open and Affirming Coordinator within our church. Of course I will, but the depth of the need is so great, I'm not sure any of us is fully aware.

Lots going on this last month. I still wonder if anyone actually reads this blog, but I do need to make regular updates. I keep saying that, but living a life takes so much time.

May 2008

2008-06-01T00:25:00.011-04:00

A friend and I went to the Charlotte Roller Girls roller derby bout this month. It was a lot of fun and the girls let fans come down to the floor after the bout for autographs and photos. You can click on the photo to enlarge. I'm sure we'll be going back.

There's a lot of things about me that my friends don't know. That should be a good attention grabber.

I have an obsession with the history of professional wrestling. I don't mean the stuff we see these days, but beginning in the early 1900's, through the carnival days and up to around 1984. And yes, I know how it all works and all the terms. I've considered writing a book on the subject. But I digress.

Penny Banner was a top female wrestler for several decades. I was fortunate to become acquainted with her during her retirement years. Penny passed away two weeks ago after a long fought battle with cancer. I had transferred some old Super 8 movies I had to video tape for her. She added some footage of her wrestling in Madison Square Garden, along with an interview. It's one of my prized possessions. Her real name was Mary Ann. To me, she will always be Penny. http://www.bannerdays.com/

Charlotte Gender Alliance is one year old. This time last year, we had no idea we would be the group we are today. We knew something like this was needed and we were proven right. A lot of our success comes from a number of non TG supporters. They know who they are and we appreciate them.

May 10, 2008

2008-05-10T00:27:00.002-04:00

Lots going on these last couple weeks. Elke Kennedy, mother of Sean Kennedy spoke at CGA last weekend. Rather than for me to inadequately try and find words, you can visit their website, Sean's Last Wish There are certain people with whom I am honored to be in the same room. Elke is one of those people. There will be a candlelight vigil May 16 in Greenville, SC to honor Sean's life. I plan to be there.

The first time I heard Elke speak was the day of the HRC dinner in Charlotte this past February. We had a session with the Campus Pride men and women. That evening, she was presented with the Human Rights Campaign Equality Award.

This is one of those cases when from the most horrific tragedy imaginable, can come an outreach that lasts beyond a lifetime. The rate of violence against the LGBT community has been escalating in recent months. That cycle of ignorance breeding hatred can only be stopped by us.

The week prior was the NC/SC PFLAG conference in Salisbury, NC. It was a long day, but I learned a lot and met some good people. One of the presentations on chapter building showed me some things we can apply to CGA.

It's time to start planning ahead for Pride Charlotte July 26. CGA will have a table. I'm hoping we can be close to the rear entrance of Starbucks that was such a lifesaver in August last year. I am invited to be one of the speakers. The event last year was a time of meeting acquaintances I hadn't seen in ages. It was like a day long hugfest. I expect this year to be the same. We have a number of CGA folks who will be there.

This is the way we put a face on the transgender community. As I've said, most of the gay community doesn't really get us. Certainly mainstream society doesn't understand us. That's not to say things have not gotten better with the movies and talk shows. The way to gain acceptance is to meet people and let them hear our stories. This is what we are doing, not only at Pride, but other venues.

I talked with my son last week for the first time in almost two years. He's getting married this coming Tuesday. It will be a small ceremony, but I'm hoping guests will be invited, and I will be one of them. There is still a mountain to climb there, but at least I found the mountain.

The National Day of Silence

2008-04-24T22:09:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is the official observance of The National Day of Silence.

Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC held their observance yesterday. I was invited to speak during the ceremonies at 8PM. I always enjoy speaking at events. Each is special in it's own way, as was this one.

This photograph is going to be one of my favorites, not because I am in it, but because of who is in it with me. You can click to enlarge the photo. These are the leaders of Campus Pride at Winthrop University. They invited me to their off campus home for dinner at 5:30 PM. I had met a few of these young people during the HRC gala in February, but these couple hours gave me time to become better acquainted.

I write a lot on this blog about courage and the quest for human dignity. These young men and women have a courage and maturity that many of us older folks would do well to develop.

As much as I enjoyed speaking at the event, spending time with them on a more personal level overshadowed anything else. I have thought all day about the courage it takes to come out in view of the horrific amount of hate crime violence we have seen these last few months.

We talk about being true to yourself and reaching out. These men and women have already learned the lesson. I thought to myself today, they already get it when many of us are still trying to figure it out. I hope my words reflect my admiration for them. I also hope I have an opportunity to see them again. They definitely charged my batteries last night, although some friends think I'm a little too over charged already. I don't think that's a bad thing.

Something else happened last night. There was another speaker who had to cancel at the very last minute. My friend, Stephanie Marie stepped up and got there in plenty of time for the ceremonies. She did an amazing job of impromptu speaking. She was actually quite amazing.

The Campus Pride leaders will probably read this. Thanks to you all for the lessons you teach us old timers.

I don't think I will need physical therapy for my neck after the accident at work. The concussion was apparantly mild because I'm mostly conscious again of what I'm doing, although a couple friends disagree on that. The neck pain is getting better gradually.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is growing faster than I woud have imagined. Our meeting in April was perhaps our best yet. I have reason to believe the May 3rd meeting will be equally powerful.

As I have said, our situation in Charlotte is somewhat unique in that we have two transgender support groups which are mutually supportive of each other. I am a member of Kappa Beta as are many of the folks in Charlotte Gender Alliance. It is often asked if there will ever be real TG Unity, specifically NC TG Unity. I honestly believe we have it in Charlotte. It's pretty awesome.

April 10, 2008

2008-04-11T22:49:00.003-04:00

I saw my personal physician this week for a second opinion on the injury I wrote about earlier. As I knew, there is no permanent damage to my noggin, but it's still nice to hear another doctor say it.

I will begin physical therapy for the sprained neck and shoulder. I'm still not where I need to be, but as I told a friend, I've never been where I need to be. It's all relative.

I went to new The Charlotte Gay and Lesbian Community Center open house this evening. Charlotte Gender Alliance has an opportunity for this to be our permanent meeting site. I think it will be perfect, but a group of us will look at it before making a decision.

We are growing to the point our current space, cozy though it is, is getting a little cramped. Not a problem there, we planned to grow and plan to continue.

One of the cool things about these events, you always meet people you have met at other functions. Our guest last week from HRC was also there. It was good seeing her again.

April 6, 2008

2008-04-06T18:15:00.003-04:00

Our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting last night was perhaps our most important ever. We had a larger turnout, which is fine, but the energy in the room was amazing.

We invited two local members of HRC. The dialogue we had showed me again we all want the same thing, the right to be who we are. Their participation was more valuable than they may realize. I hope they come back soon.

For anyone who has read previous posts on this and especially other blogs, the ENDA situation is clear. Everyone who knows me, also knows how I feel about unity. It is sitting down with each other over dinner that will enable us to, as the saying goes, 'Be The Change'. I feel stronger about that than ever.

It was not lost on me that along with the two HRC members, we also had two members of the Kappa Beta board of directors present.

We are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way. The unity we had last night sort of got to me. I mean, two support groups in the same city, no competition or dissention, only support......two HRC members being as supportive of us as we were them. I have to admit it was pretty darned cool.

What was not cool was an event at work last Thursday. The bottom section of a roll up door broke off and hit me in the head. I went to the E.R. where they did a CAT scan. The results showed no permanent damange. The E.R. doctor says I have a neck sprain and possible mild concussion.

I'm still having headaches and neck pain. I guess that's no surprise since it's only been four days. I will call my personal physician tomorrow and see how it goes day by day.

April 1, 2008

2008-04-01T22:58:00.004-04:00

This past Saturday, a number of transgender people were invited to Greensboro, NC to meet the board members of Equality North Carolina for dialogue. They were very nice people and I really enjoyed meeting them.

I might add I also met some transgender leaders in NC for the first time. This in itself was a good thing. We also began dialogue with each other.

The discussion was pointed at times, but always respectful. Feelings continue to run deep over what took place with HRC, ENDA and a host of other issues.

It would be difficult to reach a concensus on anything in three hours. The one thing in agreement is the need for education, getting to know each other and focusing on our commonalities rather than our differences.

One course we all agreed on would be for board members to visit support groups around NC as they are able. This would put a face on the community and let them hear our stories. The fact is, this is good for any well meaning people and is something we are going to focus on in Charlotte Gender Alliance. Our potential for outreach is unlimited.

I spoke at PFLAG Salisbury last month. I'm going back to join this month, with a few friends coming along with me. This will give them an opportunity to meet two other ENC board members. I think we're off to a pretty good start.

As I said, feelings run very deep over ENDA and HRC. It's no secret to anyone, including the HRC people at the local level. I recently met one of local HRC members, a very nice lady. We have invited her to our meeting this coming Saturday evening.

The bottom line to all this, we speak of embracing diversity. We talk about inclusion and not exclusion. We hand out reams of paper during Pride week about accepting each other. I personally preach being happy with who you are, no matter who you are. Some people are probably tired of hearing it.

I think we're at the point where the rubber meets the road. Either what we preach is true, or it's not. If we are truly open, we will meet with our LGB friends, and also our so called 'straight' allies at every opportunity. They will learn about us and vice versa.

We aren't going to change the world, but we can begin by changing our own outlook. You also meet some pretty cool people doing this.

Speaking of cool people, if the two ladies I dialogued with during Pride and met at the HRC debate happen to read this, I would love to hear from you. You have no idea how much I respect you.

March 25, 2008

2008-03-25T23:52:00.003-04:00

A gay person was assaulted with a knife late last week in reasonably close proximity to the venue in which one of our support groups meets. I hear people say any crime is a hate crime.

However, when a hate crime is thus categorized, the opportunity exists to break the cycle of ignorance breeding fear, which breeds hatred, which breeds violence.

This was a gay person. He was still a person. It could as easily have been a trans person.....or any person. We've talked in our group this week about watching out for each other. There already are enough people to be honored on the days set aside.

I'm invited to the board meeting this Saturday of Equality, North Carolina. As I told the people I have spoken with, I'm more a survivor than a leader. In any case, hopefully we can each contribute something to the cause of this organization. Their work is valuable beyond anything we can now realize.

I was talking with friends the other day about possible alternate career paths. One thought is to work with a non profit organization in which diversity is honored. I am also considering laser technician training and training to sit for licensing as a certified nail technician. All these ideas have merit.

Good Friday

2008-03-21T11:29:00.005-04:00

I often wonder how many people actually read this blog. In any case, I've spoken a few times recently concerning the ever widening chasm between the LGBT community and what is perceived as 'the church'.

So many people are cut off from the very resources that should be there to help them. Fortunately, an increasing number of churches have made the decision to become all inclusive.

As I read posts on many online groups, the chasm seems to be widening. My friend, Roberta and I have considered an online group for transgender Christians. We realized to be only trans inclusive would be to ostracize the rest of our community.

To that end, we have created Carolina TLGB Christians. The only requirement for joining is to be respectful and have a genuine desire to either listen to the dialogue, or share your own stories and concerns as you feel led. We used 'Carolina', but the inclusivity extends beyond our own borders.

Last Sunday was our church's week to participate in Room In The Inn. This is a time when eight neighbors are invited from the Charlotte Urban Ministry. Each city has such an outreach. There is no greater cause. Wherever you are, your center is deserving of support.

Being who you are

2008-03-16T15:18:00.002-04:00

I've talked a lot recently about addressing the perceived rift between the transgender community and the LGB segment. I've talked a lot about addressing the very real rift between the LGBT community and the church.

As the murders continue and bullying is a fact of life for so many in our world, we must realize we have more commonalities than we do disparity. So many wake up each morning wondering if this is the day they will be judged as unacceptable. The murder of Lawrence King in California last month was one more name added to an evergrowing list of people for us to honor.

Let's be honest; transgender people do have commonalities with the LGB community. The fundamental issue is survival. Ellen addressed the Lawrence King murder on a recent program. Please view this segment here.

What she says is very important. Essentially, it is okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. Why that salient fact is not understood, I will never know. Until it is understood, those of us who are able are charged with continuing the education which a number of people in high places think is still necessary.

Ellen DeGeneres response to Sally Kern

2008-03-15T13:33:00.005-04:00

Several days ago, Okahoma State Representative Sally Kern expressed her views regarding the so called 'gay agenda'.

I, and others have written reams about the fact gay people in the LGBT community generally do not 'get' transgender people. Barney Frank says 'people of transgender' need to do more education. Thousands of people I honor are doing exactly that.

I believe our pressing need is to address the chasm that exists not only between the Transgender community and the rest of the world (including the church - another issue I will begin addressing soon), but within the LGBT community.

Most of my friends, the finest people I have known in a lifetime, are gay. Ms. Kern is telling us my friends are more dangerous than terrorists

Ellen DeGeneres responded yesterday. Listen to her segment here.

Does anyone think it was easy for Ellen DeGeneres to come out? This woman risked everything to be able to look at herself in the mirror each morning.

One of my closest friends on earth has done more outreach to the elderly and homeless than one could imagine. For her to be addressed as more dangerous than a terrorists brings a simultaneous anger and sadness I cannot even put into words.

Nope, as I said last night, compromise must be forever and absolutely unacceptable.

Charlotte - Mecklenburg School System

2008-03-14T22:09:00.003-04:00

This past Tuesday, the Charlotte - Mecklenburg Co. Board of Education approved anti bullying legislation. Read the new policy here.

Do you see anything in this so called new rule about special rights for LGBT students? I see inclusivity. I see it expressed that people have the right to be who they are, no matter who they are. How can they not understand it is about simply being included?

It is incredible some of the speakers that evening equate human dignity with indoctrination. It is sad when a special meeting must be held to provide that which is a fundamental human right.......the right to BE.

We have grown accustomed to hatred and prejudice being a continued reality as we move forward into the 21st century. The lessons of history continue to be abundantly clear. People fear that which they do not understand. People also fear that which they fear becoming.

You may read The Charlotte Observer article here.

Ignorance breeds fear........ which breeds hatred. This is the sole purpose behind every Educational Initiative and any other form of outreach. The cycle of hatred must be broken and that can only begin with each of us.

There have been too many funerals recently for people murdered for simply 'being'. The National Day of Silence next month and The Transgender Day of Remembrance in November should not be necessary.

As long as these days are necessary, compromise is unacceptable.

March 11, 2008

2008-03-11T21:17:00.004-04:00

There's not a lot left to say about the HRC/ENDA controversy. The HRC dinner was held in Charlotte Feb. 16. My activist friends Angela Brightfeather and Monica Helms held an Educational Initiative the day of the dinner. We spoke to Campus Pride Saturday morning. After the dinner, we handed out leafelets to the guests as they left. I hear it was a lovely event. This photo was made after we spoke to the Campus Pride group.

This weekend I will attend a laser workshop sponsored by Candela Corporation. I attended a similar event last year and earned a certificate of completion. I am looking at this as one possible answer to the career change I am seeking.

This past Saturday, I was invited to speak to the PFLAG Salisbury/Rowan Co, NC chapter. The good people were nice enough to listen to me for an hour without falling asleep. You can visit their website here. I was very taken with their devotion to the cause of human dignity. I plan to join and become a regular attendee.

Next Sunday our church participates in Room In The Inn. This is an outreach sponsored by Urban Ministry of Charlotte. Eight neighbors are invited to the church for an evening. Melanie and I will prepare an entree and help serve Sunday evening. There is no place I would rather be.

HRC debate Feb. 14, 2008

2008-02-17T22:45:00.005-05:00

There was a debate in Charlotte Thursday evening, Feb 14, 2008:

"MEDIA ADVISORY:
Human Rights Campaign to Participate in GLBT Faith Debate
HRC Religion and Faith Director to speak on equality and acceptance
WASHINGTON – The Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, will participate in a dialogue on the Bible, faith and the experience of GLBT Christians and their families. The debate, “A Christian Response to Homosexuality," will include Harry Knox, director of HRC’s Religion and Faith Program, and Dr. Michael Brown, director of the Coalition of Conscience. Knox will bring a message of hope to people of faith and their families by speaking about God's love for all of us in a setting traditionally hostile to GLBT people."

My friend, Roberta and I attended the debate. Actually, it was more a dialogue which was respectfully done and well organized.

The transgender community was not heavily discussed. When it was, it was mostly by Dr. Michael Brown of The Coalition for Conscience. He referred to Gender Identity Disorder, which was of no surprise. If the opportunity had arisen, I would have pointed out that many of us do not consider ourselves trapped, or suffering from a disorder. People have to admit to 'gender identity disorder' to meet the WPATH Standards of Care in order to qualify for hormone therapy and surgery. But I digress. You will note they do not directly allude to the transgender community in their media advisory.

Harry Knox, the HRC representative apologized at the end for not discussing his transgender brothers and sisters more than he did. I don't think they were expecting transgender people to even be there. I'm sure no minds were changed, but a round of applause was offered at the end to the fact these issues were discussed peacefully and respectfully.

Something did happen that took me by surprise. When I worked the NCTGUNITY booth at Pride Charlotte last August, I had the opportunity to dialogue with two ladies of differing opinions than most people there. I won't refer to them as protestors because they were too nice. That has a negative connotation which does not apply to them. The really cool thing, they were at the debate that evening and recognized me. They made their way over to say hi. We had a nice chat and hugged before they left. I gave them my card with the hope we can keep in touch. If they read this post, they know how much I respect them, and that respect is sincere.

I've often thought of the following points; education can take many forms. Most times, it's simply living our lives and being proud of ourselves. We can also make more headway by treating others like we wish to be treated. It's merely a case of keeping human dignity first and foremost in our minds.

Additionally, during Pride Day, most of the people inside the venue also did not fully understand transgender issues. The fact that even our own community doesn't quite get us is at the core of the ENDA controversy. More on that later.

Sometimes I think there are people traveling life's journey parallel to ours. We occasionally come into each others' lives for a reason. In the case of my meeting these two ladies, perhaps it was to show each of us that we have more commonalities than we do differences. We were all there for one reason, we are Christians.

One last observation, walking back to our car, I remarked to Roberta that when I was a kid, I picked up the newspaper one morning and read about a gender variant person who was arrested for wearing clothing of the opposite sex in public...... ..on the very spot we were standing. I understand we have a long ways to go, but we absolutely.. .... positively come a long way since those days. Some of us remember it very personally.

It's happened again. A transgender youth was killed for no other reason than who she is. Read about it here She is one more person to honor next November 20th on The Transgender Day of Remembrance. She is one more person who will be added to Gwen Smith's Remembering Our Dead.

So the madness continues. This story has gotten very little press compared to other crimes in recent days. The divisiveness within the community and personal agendas must take a back seat to the fact that another life will not reach it's full potential.

January 1, 2008

2008-01-01T01:29:00.000-05:00

This article in The Wall Street Journal by Naomi Schaefer Riley has generated a lot of conversation in our Charlotte Gender Alliance group. This was one of the usual slanted pieces full of misinformation regarding what it means to be transgender. At least it has people thinking and talking.

Ms. Riley generated discussion not only in the United States, but obviously around the world. I found a particularly interesting response in a blog entry by Zoe Brain in Canberra, Australia.

She links to a 70's song by Melanie (the singer, not my friend) that moved me, Lay down, lay down or Candles in the Rain
I remember the song, but never thought of it in the context of support groups.

"So raise the candles high'
Cause if you don't we could stay black against the night
Oh raise them higher again
And if you do we could stay dry against the rain."

"We were so close,
there was no room.
We bled inside,
each other's wounds"

Lyrics (c) Copyright 1970 by Kama Rippa Music, Inc. and Melanie Music, Inc.1650 Broadway, New York, New York 10019.

The last line got to me. We talk so much about the lack of TG Unity, not only in NC, but everywhere. If we felt that close to our brothers and sisters......... imagine all we could accomplish.

December 30th, 2007

2007-12-30T21:55:00.001-05:00

As I look upon the last year, it's been full of surprises. I never thought I would have surgery twice in one year, once for a torn tendon in my arm, then facial surgery. The latter was optional, of course. I'm still marinating on when I will have the second procedure. I am thinking of sooner, rather than later.

Charlotte Gender Alliance has proved to be all we hoped. At this moment, we have 57 members on our Yahoo Group. Not that many will be able to attend a meeting, but if we provide the support and education only one person needs, it will have been worth the effort.

I had cordial contact with my ex wife for the first time in years. I sent her a Christmas Card with a small gift. She called to thank me and wished me well. It is impossible to spend years with a person and not have a concern for their welfare. I wish her the best and I think she knows that.

I have to admit a relationship is a missing piece of life's puzzle. I have some awesome friends and a good life. I also need someone special in my life. If it happens, that will be wonderful. If not, the journey will continue anyway.

I had no contact with my children again this year. I don't know if I have grown numb to that fact, or have learned to let go. Perhaps it's a combination of the two.

I mentioned an important outreach effort at the corporate level. That took place December 20th and went very well. In several online groups, the topic of education is a priority. The fact Barney Frank said more education is needed on behalf of the transgender community is a statement not lost on many of us.

However we may disagree with his actions regarding a non TG inclusive ENDA, the misconceptions of what it means to be transgender remain prevalent. I believe there will be some exciting outreach events taking place in 2008. I hope to be a part of a few of those. Let's get on with it.

Peace On Earth

2007-12-23T01:51:00.000-05:00

I've been learning a bit of german recently. I found a german version of my favorite Christmas Carol: Stille Nacht It is very simple, but is a beautiful rendition.

There is a piece I posted on my website one year ago today. This was written long before Charlotte Gender Alliance came into being. In view of our world as it remains, I believe it is still appropriate:

12/23/06

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me". I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire?

As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace. As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 17, 2007

2007-12-17T20:50:00.000-05:00

I was thinking today how enjoyable this holiday season has been. Christmas is my favorite time of year, with all the little gatherings and the music in church.

Two weekends ago was a holiday social at Lisa's home. She's a very TG knowledgeable therapist I met several years ago. It was good meeting her clients and getting to know everyone.

Church is always nice during Christmas. Melanie and I lit the Advent Candles Sunday before last, which is something rather emotional.

This past Saturday night was the Kappa Beta Christmas party. I said last night I was happy I had the facial surgery. It's good I was able to time it when I did, especially with the chin implant which took more time to heal. The purpose was to make my face rounder and less angular. The recovery time let me be back to normal in time for the holidays. I did a few songs from ABBA Saturday evening, which let me show once again how little talent I have. It's all meant to be fun anyway, which it sure was.

Thanks also to my friend Swooz for the new hairstyle. This girl is beyond awesome. She came to the party and did a little number herself.

This coming Thursday, I have a major outreach opportunity with a large NC based corporation. Our dialogue has been going on almost a year and I'm very excited about how this has progressed. My hope is we can put a positive face on what it means to be transgender. I may share more about this in the weeks to come.