Los Angeles Times sports writer, Christine Daniels is dead at age 52. The story is making it's rounds within the transgender community. You can read about it here.
Pastor Randy of MCC in Greenville, SC officiated at her wedding before leaving L.A. He was aware she was having problems. She had detransitioned and was using her old name in her byline.
She may have detransitioned in her presentation, but she remained who she already was.
When asked how she was getting along, her reply: "just trying to get through it" could have been said by many. Was her transition really "this daily random hardship of trying to figure out gender assignment"? I believe it was much more. It was a person finding life's purpose.
Donna Rose, a transgender activist for whom I have great respect, said coming out at work was the single most terrifying thing she ever did.
She was right. It was a moment I will never forget, but it had to be done. I said from the start they did their best. I will always have utmost respect for management in that company. If any of you read this, you know my feelings already.
A number of my coworkers had known me 19 years. Once they knew the real me, I wasn't suitable to sit with at Christmas dinner that year. With other people, it became a matter of not understanding what it means to be transgender, or why I would choose this lifestyle.
The answer lies in Christine Daniels' coming out letter, "it took forty years and a million tears". This can be an agonizing and gut wrenching decision. It literally becomes a matter of life and death. I chose life.
It's not only trans or LGB people, but a world that is searching for answers while "trying to get through it". Life has to be more than "getting through it", or it's not living. I'm not sure it's even surviving.
When the final counting is done, the goal of each of us is to say "I found my way". Thinking of this story and hundreds of others, I can say that. I know who I am but more importantly, I know Whose I am. That has made the difference.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Transgender Day of Remembrance
Charlotte Gender Alliance hosted the Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center Friday, November 20th. I don't normally post my text of my remarks, but decided to make an exception.
As you have heard, ceremonies similar to this one were held around the world today and at this hour in Greensboro, Asheville and Charlotte. It is right and fitting for us to honor our sisters and brothers who have paid the ultimate price, only for being who they are.
These are more than names on a piece of paper. They are sons, daughters, friends and coworkers.
As we honor them, we honor anyone who has been stereotyped and marginalized. In the struggle for human dignity, our ultimate battle is for hearts and minds. The first victory lies within our own heart and mind.
As we seek a united LGBT community, we need to know that people can be different from us without being wrong. It is what we think of ourselves that controls our potential, not what others think we should be. We are today, the person we decided to be yesterday.
We see these names and may wonder, what defines a person’s life? Certainly our lives are not defined by sexual orientation or gender identity. The real measure of our life is what we do with our life.
You will notice the words on our banner, “Diversity will not only be respected; it will be honored.” This precept is at the heart of everything Charlotte Gender Alliance represents.
If there is to be a better future, we must disturb the present. If there is a crisis within the LGBT community, and I believe there is, it is a crisis of the heart. The task with which we are charged is to build bridges between those segments of society which have known only isolation and loneliness.
If we speak eloquently of the quest for human dignity but lack the courage to put words into action, aren’t they no more than empty words?
If we cannot grant others that dignity which we would claim for ourselves, do we not do an injustice to ourselves and others?
We may wake up each morning wondering if this is the day that our true self will become apparent and if we will be the next to be judged as worthy of violence.
There are people in this room who have lost everything they had in order to be all they were meant to be. The miracle is in learning that our own dignity is worth the price.
Many of us spend a lifetime trying conform to what others think we should be, rather than who we were intended to be. There eventually comes a time when the need to be a real person takes precedence over all else. There comes that defining moment when we must take off the mask and become genuine. Before we can give the world our best, we must first give ourselves our best. We learn that it really is okay to be who we are, no matter who we are.
It is in these defining moments when we learn how to live, rather than to merely survive, when we feel that spark of hope that lies within each of us and come to the realization that our lives have a higher purpose than we ever dreamed.
Tonight we stand upon the shoulders of those who have paved the way for us. Some day people will gather and speak of the progress we made, or the lack of it.
History will be our final judge but above all, may no person have reason to ask, “Why did you wait so long to live?”
As you have heard, ceremonies similar to this one were held around the world today and at this hour in Greensboro, Asheville and Charlotte. It is right and fitting for us to honor our sisters and brothers who have paid the ultimate price, only for being who they are.
These are more than names on a piece of paper. They are sons, daughters, friends and coworkers.
As we honor them, we honor anyone who has been stereotyped and marginalized. In the struggle for human dignity, our ultimate battle is for hearts and minds. The first victory lies within our own heart and mind.
As we seek a united LGBT community, we need to know that people can be different from us without being wrong. It is what we think of ourselves that controls our potential, not what others think we should be. We are today, the person we decided to be yesterday.
We see these names and may wonder, what defines a person’s life? Certainly our lives are not defined by sexual orientation or gender identity. The real measure of our life is what we do with our life.
You will notice the words on our banner, “Diversity will not only be respected; it will be honored.” This precept is at the heart of everything Charlotte Gender Alliance represents.
If there is to be a better future, we must disturb the present. If there is a crisis within the LGBT community, and I believe there is, it is a crisis of the heart. The task with which we are charged is to build bridges between those segments of society which have known only isolation and loneliness.
If we speak eloquently of the quest for human dignity but lack the courage to put words into action, aren’t they no more than empty words?
If we cannot grant others that dignity which we would claim for ourselves, do we not do an injustice to ourselves and others?
We may wake up each morning wondering if this is the day that our true self will become apparent and if we will be the next to be judged as worthy of violence.
There are people in this room who have lost everything they had in order to be all they were meant to be. The miracle is in learning that our own dignity is worth the price.
Many of us spend a lifetime trying conform to what others think we should be, rather than who we were intended to be. There eventually comes a time when the need to be a real person takes precedence over all else. There comes that defining moment when we must take off the mask and become genuine. Before we can give the world our best, we must first give ourselves our best. We learn that it really is okay to be who we are, no matter who we are.
It is in these defining moments when we learn how to live, rather than to merely survive, when we feel that spark of hope that lies within each of us and come to the realization that our lives have a higher purpose than we ever dreamed.
Tonight we stand upon the shoulders of those who have paved the way for us. Some day people will gather and speak of the progress we made, or the lack of it.
History will be our final judge but above all, may no person have reason to ask, “Why did you wait so long to live?”
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
November 18th, 2009
I have often said the face of the LGBT community in Charlotte has changed during the last two years. One factor in that change is the ongoing effort to bring the transgender community into the mainstream.
The Community Roundtable topic in October was, 'What would you like to know about transgender people?' This month's topic was 'violence and the LGBT community' and was an intentional segue into The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance November 20th. You can read about these and other events on the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center website.
I was invited to speak to a workshop at the annual Centralina Area Agency on Aging conference recently. Until you interact with the helping professionals, the issues facing LGBT people as they go into their senior years are not fully clear. It is always a pleasure to share with these people and it's a huge thing for them to reach out. I believe the Gay & Gray conference last April was the start of something big.
I have a friend who is a professor at Mitchell College in Statesville (near Charlotte). He organized a workshop on LGBT issues last week. He already knows how much I enjoyed this class.
My last post alluded to prioritizing. I joined Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this month. My home church and interacting with other faith communities are where I hope to find much of my focus. I remain convinced the chasm between the community and what they perceive as 'the church' is our most pressing problem.
The Community Roundtable last night was a case in point. As we discussed violence, the conversation gravitated to religion and politics. I suppose the difficulty in living our life while honoring someone else's life is fundamental to the human condition. The issues are not unique to our community. It is clear however, that we have our own issues to address. As I have said, the battle is for hearts and minds. We often must begin with our own heart.
The Community Roundtable topic in October was, 'What would you like to know about transgender people?' This month's topic was 'violence and the LGBT community' and was an intentional segue into The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance November 20th. You can read about these and other events on the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center website.
I was invited to speak to a workshop at the annual Centralina Area Agency on Aging conference recently. Until you interact with the helping professionals, the issues facing LGBT people as they go into their senior years are not fully clear. It is always a pleasure to share with these people and it's a huge thing for them to reach out. I believe the Gay & Gray conference last April was the start of something big.
I have a friend who is a professor at Mitchell College in Statesville (near Charlotte). He organized a workshop on LGBT issues last week. He already knows how much I enjoyed this class.
My last post alluded to prioritizing. I joined Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this month. My home church and interacting with other faith communities are where I hope to find much of my focus. I remain convinced the chasm between the community and what they perceive as 'the church' is our most pressing problem.
The Community Roundtable last night was a case in point. As we discussed violence, the conversation gravitated to religion and politics. I suppose the difficulty in living our life while honoring someone else's life is fundamental to the human condition. The issues are not unique to our community. It is clear however, that we have our own issues to address. As I have said, the battle is for hearts and minds. We often must begin with our own heart.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Refocusing
It is no accident that I've not posted since August. I've been in one of those periods of reevaluation and setting priorities. It's not that I'm burnt out; I'm not so sure I even believe in burnout. I do think we have to continually consider where we can be most productive. Just to be clear, it's not that I'm an especially gifted person. Everyone has something to offer, including being a good listener. Having decided to put yourself out there to be all you can, word gets out.
One word I'm learning to say is 'no'. This is not an easy thing for me, but there comes a time, especially as we get older, that we need to put some priority on our own physical and emotional wellbeing.
I find I increasingly enjoy speaking to groups on not only the transgender condition, but the human condition. I remain convinced our biggest problem is a crisis of the spirit. Irrespective of sexual orientation or gender identity, so many of us limp through life, never learning the meaning of letting go the old fears. We let past hurts define our lives, rather than reaching for the unlimited possibilities of the future.
A part of that is the ostracism of the LGBT community and organized religion, which I believe falls into the crisis of the spirit category I spoke of. This is the area that will become my top priority. The Charlotte Interfaith Connection has much yet to accomplish. I'm joining Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this coming Sunday and have found much of what I was seeking.
I keep having the thought that someone may come into my life. I have to admit after being divorced so many years, I miss having a life partner. Friends tell me the right person will come along when I least expect it, and that may well be. So far it hasn't shown signs of happening.
I've thought a lot lately about my friends at the company where I worked almost 20 years. To those of you who read this, I think of you often and will always value our friendships.
In other news, Elke Kennedy was invited to The White House last week to be present when President Obama signed the Hate Crimes Bill into law. It was a sort of vindication for her and Jim for the work they've done since Sean's death. They are back to work already, as I knew they would be.
Insofar as the Charlotte transgender community, we have some amazing things taking place. Within a month are two Community Roundtable discussions dealing with transgender issues. Attorney, Connie Vetter is presenting a Transgender Law 101 at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center November 12th.
As last year, Charlotte Gender Alliance is presenting The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Community Center November 20th at 7 PM. We will have a series of speakers followed by a candlelight service. It is a time of honoring those have lost their lives, but also a time to celebrate those who have had the courage to be who they are by 'paying it forward'. I often am in awe of the people I consider friends and associates.
One word I'm learning to say is 'no'. This is not an easy thing for me, but there comes a time, especially as we get older, that we need to put some priority on our own physical and emotional wellbeing.
I find I increasingly enjoy speaking to groups on not only the transgender condition, but the human condition. I remain convinced our biggest problem is a crisis of the spirit. Irrespective of sexual orientation or gender identity, so many of us limp through life, never learning the meaning of letting go the old fears. We let past hurts define our lives, rather than reaching for the unlimited possibilities of the future.
A part of that is the ostracism of the LGBT community and organized religion, which I believe falls into the crisis of the spirit category I spoke of. This is the area that will become my top priority. The Charlotte Interfaith Connection has much yet to accomplish. I'm joining Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this coming Sunday and have found much of what I was seeking.
I keep having the thought that someone may come into my life. I have to admit after being divorced so many years, I miss having a life partner. Friends tell me the right person will come along when I least expect it, and that may well be. So far it hasn't shown signs of happening.
I've thought a lot lately about my friends at the company where I worked almost 20 years. To those of you who read this, I think of you often and will always value our friendships.
In other news, Elke Kennedy was invited to The White House last week to be present when President Obama signed the Hate Crimes Bill into law. It was a sort of vindication for her and Jim for the work they've done since Sean's death. They are back to work already, as I knew they would be.
Insofar as the Charlotte transgender community, we have some amazing things taking place. Within a month are two Community Roundtable discussions dealing with transgender issues. Attorney, Connie Vetter is presenting a Transgender Law 101 at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center November 12th.
As last year, Charlotte Gender Alliance is presenting The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Community Center November 20th at 7 PM. We will have a series of speakers followed by a candlelight service. It is a time of honoring those have lost their lives, but also a time to celebrate those who have had the courage to be who they are by 'paying it forward'. I often am in awe of the people I consider friends and associates.
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