Pride Charlotte

Saturday was a wonderful day. We had plenty of volunteers for our Charlotte Gender Alliance booth. I uploaded some photos in my webshots albumn. You can see them here. I have to admit it really got to me when I saw our newer people handing out flyers and engaging in outreach themselves. They were looking people in the eye and telling them you are welcome to meet with us no matter who you are. Pretty awesome!

I spoke around 12:30. I always spend a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts before I speak. A friend who is virtually a professional photographer took the above photo with a telephoto lens. I think I like this photo because it shows me actually thinking for a change. You can click on it to enlarge.

My dear friend, Elke Kennedy spoke at 1PM. As usual, it was an honor to be in the same venue with her. You have seen me write of her often. She is the founder of Sean's Last Wish. If anyone charges my batteries, Elke definitely does.

I've changed my normal protocol and decided to post the text of my remarks from Saturday. Each word was carefully chosen, including my reference to self promotion at the expense of others. You can read the text here.

July 24, 2008

A transwoman is filing suit after being terminated from her job with the Georgia General Assembly. Read about it here. She has about as much chance winning that suit as the Panthers do the Super Bowl this year.

This is the reality in our world and is why a trans inclusive ENDA is so important. Many have, and continue to fight long and hard. It is not lost on many of us that Barney Frank said last fall that more education is needed. So far, we mostly have a lot of sniping back and forth within the transgender community about who was, or was not at fault.

The immediate task is to let society see TG people are just like anyone else who wants no more than to be who they are. Events like Pride Saturday give us a chance to educate our own 'community'. How ironic in many ways.

July 22, 2008

Tomorrow evening is the transgender event for Pride Charlotte Week. There is a showing of the motion picture, Southern Comfort . This is a documentary which chronicles the last days of Robert Eades, a transman living in Georgia. His goal was to live long enough to speak at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta. He achieved his goal.

Dinner is being served, followed by a group discussion. We already have nine members of Charlotte Gender Alliance attending this showing.

July 20, 2008

Next weekend is Pride Charlotte. Charlotte Gender Alliance is in the process of lining up volunteers to work the booth in two hour shifts. Considering the heat, even two hours may be a stretch. One of our members created a 6' long, 2' high banner. I was moved to tears when I saw this, as it incuded our diversity statement which captures the essence of who we are as an organization, and hopefully of my life as an individual. If you click on the photo above, it will enlarge. I thought it was totally awesome.

This years' theme is 'Live, Love, Be', my three favorite subjects. I have written about the rate of hate crime violence many times. The rate of depression, suicidal ideation and even suicide itself is astronomical in the transgender community. It does not have to be. My message will be very simplistic, it's okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. The thing about love, you first must love yourself as you were created in order to share it with others.

As always, our task is that of education, both the gays inside the venue and the protestors outside. If the two ladies I met last year happen to read this, please do stop by and see us. My respect for you is greater than I can convey. I'm sure you already know that.

I'm scheduled to speak at 12:20. Elke Kennedy is speaking at 1PM, followed by my a civil war costume presentation by my friend, Stephanie Marie.

Today was a puppet show for the children at church. It was a lot of fun doing this. The topic of our presentation was 'courage', which is one of my overriding issues these days.

After service, we had a ground breaking ceremony for the new building addition, followed by a pot luck lunch. It was a wonderful day.

Yesterday was the Kappa Beta support group meeting in Charlotte. I was torn between going to this meeting and driving to Asheville for an event there. I am honored to have a friend in Elke Kennedy, Sean Kennedy's mother. She was attending, along with my friends from PFLAG Salisbury.

I mostly needed some extra sleep yesterday morning, so I stayed in Charlotte for the meeting. I will see them at Pride next Saturday. I plan to work both the Charlotte Gender Alliance and PFLAG booth at various times Saturday.

I wrote some time ago about an outreach effort to a large NC based corporation. Last month, they wrote non harrassment based upon gender identity into their EEO statement. I have now learned they are within two weeks of adding gender identity into their EEO statement. This is major! The importance could not be overstated! It will impact many areas of the southeast and will literally be life changing to both the employees and the communities they serve. They will be driven to the top echelon of the HRC Employer Index.

I told them I woud not make the announcement until all the vice presidents have signed off, but the commitments are in place. This outreach began in February 2007 and has been ongoing. The good thing about outreach, you not only accomplish important goals, you make some real friends. If my friends happen to read this, you know how proud I am of you. I will see you at your Pride booth next Saturday as well.

I have mentioned Elke Kennedy a number of times. There was a memorial service in Greenville, SC for her son on May 16, the first anniversary of his murder. Anniversary is such a poor choice of words.

After Elke's remarks at a park in downtown Greenville, we walked across a foot bridge and tossed daisys in the river below as a memorial to Sean. During he ceremony, Elke saw a white dove fly by, which seems quite significant.

After the event, I lingered on the bridge watching the sunset. I saw the picnickers below and wondered if they realized a woman was up here who had lost her son only because of who he was. I looked at the wide chasm between the two sides of the river. It made me think again of the chasm that exists between the LGBT community and the church. So many people are ostracized from the very institutions which should be most supportive. To that end, we have created an online group called TLGB Christians. We had considered being transgender inclusive only, but then we would doing the very thing against which we preach, leaving others out. Thus, everyone is welcome. This may be the most important group of all. A secular support group can change people during this life. Accepting our Savior will save us for eternity.

I mention this because I was asked this morning if I would take the position of Open and Affirming Coordinator within our church. Of course I will, but the depth of the need is so great, I'm not sure any of us is fully aware.

Lots going on this last month. I still wonder if anyone actually reads this blog, but I do need to make regular updates. I keep saying that, but living a life takes so much time.

May 2008

A friend and I went to the Charlotte Roller Girls roller derby bout this month. It was a lot of fun and the girls let fans come down to the floor after the bout for autographs and photos. You can click on the photo to enlarge. I'm sure we'll be going back.

There's a lot of things about me that my friends don't know. That should be a good attention grabber.

I have an obsession with the history of professional wrestling. I don't mean the stuff we see these days, but beginning in the early 1900's, through the carnival days and up to around 1984. And yes, I know how it all works and all the terms. I've considered writing a book on the subject. But I digress.

Penny Banner was a top female wrestler for several decades. I was fortunate to become acquainted with her during her retirement years. Penny passed away two weeks ago after a long fought battle with cancer. I had transferred some old Super 8 movies I had to video tape for her. She added some footage of her wrestling in Madison Square Garden, along with an interview. It's one of my prized possessions. Her real name was Mary Ann. To me, she will always be Penny. http://www.bannerdays.com/

Charlotte Gender Alliance is one year old. This time last year, we had no idea we would be the group we are today. We knew something like this was needed and we were proven right. A lot of our success comes from a number of non TG supporters. They know who they are and we appreciate them.

May 10, 2008

Lots going on these last couple weeks. Elke Kennedy, mother of Sean Kennedy spoke at CGA last weekend. Rather than for me to inadequately try and find words, you can visit their website, Sean's Last Wish There are certain people with whom I am honored to be in the same room. Elke is one of those people. There will be a candlelight vigil May 16 in Greenville, SC to honor Sean's life. I plan to be there.

The first time I heard Elke speak was the day of the HRC dinner in Charlotte this past February. We had a session with the Campus Pride men and women. That evening, she was presented with the Human Rights Campaign Equality Award.

This is one of those cases when from the most horrific tragedy imaginable, can come an outreach that lasts beyond a lifetime. The rate of violence against the LGBT community has been escalating in recent months. That cycle of ignorance breeding hatred can only be stopped by us.

The week prior was the NC/SC PFLAG conference in Salisbury, NC. It was a long day, but I learned a lot and met some good people. One of the presentations on chapter building showed me some things we can apply to CGA.

It's time to start planning ahead for Pride Charlotte July 26. CGA will have a table. I'm hoping we can be close to the rear entrance of Starbucks that was such a lifesaver in August last year. I am invited to be one of the speakers. The event last year was a time of meeting acquaintances I hadn't seen in ages. It was like a day long hugfest. I expect this year to be the same. We have a number of CGA folks who will be there.

This is the way we put a face on the transgender community. As I've said, most of the gay community doesn't really get us. Certainly mainstream society doesn't understand us. That's not to say things have not gotten better with the movies and talk shows. The way to gain acceptance is to meet people and let them hear our stories. This is what we are doing, not only at Pride, but other venues.

I talked with my son last week for the first time in almost two years. He's getting married this coming Tuesday. It will be a small ceremony, but I'm hoping guests will be invited, and I will be one of them. There is still a mountain to climb there, but at least I found the mountain.

The National Day of Silence

Tomorrow is the official observance of The National Day of Silence.

Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC held their observance yesterday. I was invited to speak during the ceremonies at 8PM. I always enjoy speaking at events. Each is special in it's own way, as was this one.

This photograph is going to be one of my favorites, not because I am in it, but because of who is in it with me. You can click to enlarge the photo. These are the leaders of Campus Pride at Winthrop University. They invited me to their off campus home for dinner at 5:30 PM. I had met a few of these young people during the HRC gala in February, but these couple hours gave me time to become better acquainted.

I write a lot on this blog about courage and the quest for human dignity. These young men and women have a courage and maturity that many of us older folks would do well to develop.

As much as I enjoyed speaking at the event, spending time with them on a more personal level overshadowed anything else. I have thought all day about the courage it takes to come out in view of the horrific amount of hate crime violence we have seen these last few months.

We talk about being true to yourself and reaching out. These men and women have already learned the lesson. I thought to myself today, they already get it when many of us are still trying to figure it out. I hope my words reflect my admiration for them. I also hope I have an opportunity to see them again. They definitely charged my batteries last night, although some friends think I'm a little too over charged already. I don't think that's a bad thing.

Something else happened last night. There was another speaker who had to cancel at the very last minute. My friend, Stephanie Marie stepped up and got there in plenty of time for the ceremonies. She did an amazing job of impromptu speaking. She was actually quite amazing.

The Campus Pride leaders will probably read this. Thanks to you all for the lessons you teach us old timers.

I don't think I will need physical therapy for my neck after the accident at work. The concussion was apparantly mild because I'm mostly conscious again of what I'm doing, although a couple friends disagree on that. The neck pain is getting better gradually.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is growing faster than I woud have imagined. Our meeting in April was perhaps our best yet. I have reason to believe the May 3rd meeting will be equally powerful.

As I have said, our situation in Charlotte is somewhat unique in that we have two transgender support groups which are mutually supportive of each other. I am a member of Kappa Beta as are many of the folks in Charlotte Gender Alliance. It is often asked if there will ever be real TG Unity, specifically NC TG Unity. I honestly believe we have it in Charlotte. It's pretty awesome.

April 10, 2008

I saw my personal physician this week for a second opinion on the injury I wrote about earlier. As I knew, there is no permanent damage to my noggin, but it's still nice to hear another doctor say it.

I will begin physical therapy for the sprained neck and shoulder. I'm still not where I need to be, but as I told a friend, I've never been where I need to be. It's all relative.

I went to new The Charlotte Gay and Lesbian Community Center open house this evening. Charlotte Gender Alliance has an opportunity for this to be our permanent meeting site. I think it will be perfect, but a group of us will look at it before making a decision.

We are growing to the point our current space, cozy though it is, is getting a little cramped. Not a problem there, we planned to grow and plan to continue.

One of the cool things about these events, you always meet people you have met at other functions. Our guest last week from HRC was also there. It was good seeing her again.

April 6, 2008

Our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting last night was perhaps our most important ever. We had a larger turnout, which is fine, but the energy in the room was amazing.

We invited two local members of HRC. The dialogue we had showed me again we all want the same thing, the right to be who we are. Their participation was more valuable than they may realize. I hope they come back soon.

For anyone who has read previous posts on this and especially other blogs, the ENDA situation is clear. Everyone who knows me, also knows how I feel about unity. It is sitting down with each other over dinner that will enable us to, as the saying goes, 'Be The Change'. I feel stronger about that than ever.

It was not lost on me that along with the two HRC members, we also had two members of the Kappa Beta board of directors present.

We are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way. The unity we had last night sort of got to me. I mean, two support groups in the same city, no competition or dissention, only support......two HRC members being as supportive of us as we were them. I have to admit it was pretty darned cool.

What was not cool was an event at work last Thursday. The bottom section of a roll up door broke off and hit me in the head. I went to the E.R. where they did a CAT scan. The results showed no permanent damange. The E.R. doctor says I have a neck sprain and possible mild concussion.

I'm still having headaches and neck pain. I guess that's no surprise since it's only been four days. I will call my personal physician tomorrow and see how it goes day by day.

April 1, 2008

This past Saturday, a number of transgender people were invited to Greensboro, NC to meet the board members of Equality North Carolina for dialogue. They were very nice people and I really enjoyed meeting them.

I might add I also met some transgender leaders in NC for the first time. This in itself was a good thing. We also began dialogue with each other.

The discussion was pointed at times, but always respectful. Feelings continue to run deep over what took place with HRC, ENDA and a host of other issues.

It would be difficult to reach a concensus on anything in three hours. The one thing in agreement is the need for education, getting to know each other and focusing on our commonalities rather than our differences.

One course we all agreed on would be for board members to visit support groups around NC as they are able. This would put a face on the community and let them hear our stories. The fact is, this is good for any well meaning people and is something we are going to focus on in Charlotte Gender Alliance. Our potential for outreach is unlimited.

I spoke at PFLAG Salisbury last month. I'm going back to join this month, with a few friends coming along with me. This will give them an opportunity to meet two other ENC board members. I think we're off to a pretty good start.

As I said, feelings run very deep over ENDA and HRC. It's no secret to anyone, including the HRC people at the local level. I recently met one of local HRC members, a very nice lady. We have invited her to our meeting this coming Saturday evening.

The bottom line to all this, we speak of embracing diversity. We talk about inclusion and not exclusion. We hand out reams of paper during Pride week about accepting each other. I personally preach being happy with who you are, no matter who you are. Some people are probably tired of hearing it.

I think we're at the point where the rubber meets the road. Either what we preach is true, or it's not. If we are truly open, we will meet with our LGB friends, and also our so called 'straight' allies at every opportunity. They will learn about us and vice versa.

We aren't going to change the world, but we can begin by changing our own outlook. You also meet some pretty cool people doing this.

Speaking of cool people, if the two ladies I dialogued with during Pride and met at the HRC debate happen to read this, I would love to hear from you. You have no idea how much I respect you.

March 25, 2008

A gay person was assaulted with a knife late last week in reasonably close proximity to the venue in which one of our support groups meets. I hear people say any crime is a hate crime.

However, when a hate crime is thus categorized, the opportunity exists to break the cycle of ignorance breeding fear, which breeds hatred, which breeds violence.

This was a gay person. He was still a person. It could as easily have been a trans person.....or any person. We've talked in our group this week about watching out for each other. There already are enough people to be honored on the days set aside.

I'm invited to the board meeting this Saturday of Equality, North Carolina. As I told the people I have spoken with, I'm more a survivor than a leader. In any case, hopefully we can each contribute something to the cause of this organization. Their work is valuable beyond anything we can now realize.

I was talking with friends the other day about possible alternate career paths. One thought is to work with a non profit organization in which diversity is honored. I am also considering laser technician training and training to sit for licensing as a certified nail technician. All these ideas have merit.

Good Friday

I often wonder how many people actually read this blog. In any case, I've spoken a few times recently concerning the ever widening chasm between the LGBT community and what is perceived as 'the church'.

So many people are cut off from the very resources that should be there to help them. Fortunately, an increasing number of churches have made the decision to become all inclusive.

As I read posts on many online groups, the chasm seems to be widening. My friend, Roberta and I have considered an online group for transgender Christians. We realized to be only trans inclusive would be to ostracize the rest of our community.

To that end, we have created Carolina TLGB Christians. The only requirement for joining is to be respectful and have a genuine desire to either listen to the dialogue, or share your own stories and concerns as you feel led. We used 'Carolina', but the inclusivity extends beyond our own borders.

Last Sunday was our church's week to participate in Room In The Inn. This is a time when eight neighbors are invited from the Charlotte Urban Ministry. Each city has such an outreach. There is no greater cause. Wherever you are, your center is deserving of support.

Being who you are

I've talked a lot recently about addressing the perceived rift between the transgender community and the LGB segment. I've talked a lot about addressing the very real rift between the LGBT community and the church.

As the murders continue and bullying is a fact of life for so many in our world, we must realize we have more commonalities than we do disparity. So many wake up each morning wondering if this is the day they will be judged as unacceptable. The murder of Lawrence King in California last month was one more name added to an evergrowing list of people for us to honor.

Let's be honest; transgender people do have commonalities with the LGB community. The fundamental issue is survival. Ellen addressed the Lawrence King murder on a recent program. Please view this segment here.

What she says is very important. Essentially, it is okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. Why that salient fact is not understood, I will never know. Until it is understood, those of us who are able are charged with continuing the education which a number of people in high places think is still necessary.

Ellen DeGeneres response to Sally Kern

Several days ago, Okahoma State Representative Sally Kern expressed her views regarding the so called 'gay agenda'.

I, and others have written reams about the fact gay people in the LGBT community generally do not 'get' transgender people. Barney Frank says 'people of transgender' need to do more education. Thousands of people I honor are doing exactly that.

I believe our pressing need is to address the chasm that exists not only between the Transgender community and the rest of the world (including the church - another issue I will begin addressing soon), but within the LGBT community.

Most of my friends, the finest people I have known in a lifetime, are gay. Ms. Kern is telling us my friends are more dangerous than terrorists

Ellen DeGeneres responded yesterday. Listen to her segment here.

Does anyone think it was easy for Ellen DeGeneres to come out? This woman risked everything to be able to look at herself in the mirror each morning.

One of my closest friends on earth has done more outreach to the elderly and homeless than one could imagine. For her to be addressed as more dangerous than a terrorists brings a simultaneous anger and sadness I cannot even put into words.

Nope, as I said last night, compromise must be forever and absolutely unacceptable.

Charlotte - Mecklenburg School System

This past Tuesday, the Charlotte - Mecklenburg Co. Board of Education approved anti bullying legislation. Read the new policy here.

Do you see anything in this so called new rule about special rights for LGBT students? I see inclusivity. I see it expressed that people have the right to be who they are, no matter who they are. How can they not understand it is about simply being included?

It is incredible some of the speakers that evening equate human dignity with indoctrination. It is sad when a special meeting must be held to provide that which is a fundamental human right.......the right to BE.

We have grown accustomed to hatred and prejudice being a continued reality as we move forward into the 21st century. The lessons of history continue to be abundantly clear. People fear that which they do not understand. People also fear that which they fear becoming.

You may read The Charlotte Observer article here.

Ignorance breeds fear........ which breeds hatred. This is the sole purpose behind every Educational Initiative and any other form of outreach. The cycle of hatred must be broken and that can only begin with each of us.

There have been too many funerals recently for people murdered for simply 'being'. The National Day of Silence next month and The Transgender Day of Remembrance in November should not be necessary.

As long as these days are necessary, compromise is unacceptable.

March 11, 2008

There's not a lot left to say about the HRC/ENDA controversy. The HRC dinner was held in Charlotte Feb. 16. My activist friends Angela Brightfeather and Monica Helms held an Educational Initiative the day of the dinner. We spoke to Campus Pride Saturday morning. After the dinner, we handed out leafelets to the guests as they left. I hear it was a lovely event. This photo was made after we spoke to the Campus Pride group.

This weekend I will attend a laser workshop sponsored by Candela Corporation. I attended a similar event last year and earned a certificate of completion. I am looking at this as one possible answer to the career change I am seeking.

This past Saturday, I was invited to speak to the PFLAG Salisbury/Rowan Co, NC chapter. The good people were nice enough to listen to me for an hour without falling asleep. You can visit their website here. I was very taken with their devotion to the cause of human dignity. I plan to join and become a regular attendee.

Next Sunday our church participates in Room In The Inn. This is an outreach sponsored by Urban Ministry of Charlotte. Eight neighbors are invited to the church for an evening. Melanie and I will prepare an entree and help serve Sunday evening. There is no place I would rather be.

HRC debate Feb. 14, 2008

There was a debate in Charlotte Thursday evening, Feb 14, 2008:

"MEDIA ADVISORY:
Human Rights Campaign to Participate in GLBT Faith Debate
HRC Religion and Faith Director to speak on equality and acceptance
WASHINGTON – The Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, will participate in a dialogue on the Bible, faith and the experience of GLBT Christians and their families. The debate, “A Christian Response to Homosexuality," will include Harry Knox, director of HRC’s Religion and Faith Program, and Dr. Michael Brown, director of the Coalition of Conscience. Knox will bring a message of hope to people of faith and their families by speaking about God's love for all of us in a setting traditionally hostile to GLBT people."


My friend, Roberta and I attended the debate. Actually, it was more a dialogue which was respectfully done and well organized.

The transgender community was not heavily discussed. When it was, it was mostly by Dr. Michael Brown of The Coalition for Conscience. He referred to Gender Identity Disorder, which was of no surprise. If the opportunity had arisen, I would have pointed out that many of us do not consider ourselves trapped, or suffering from a disorder. People have to admit to 'gender identity disorder' to meet the WPATH Standards of Care in order to qualify for hormone therapy and surgery. But I digress. You will note they do not directly allude to the transgender community in their media advisory.

Harry Knox, the HRC representative apologized at the end for not discussing his transgender brothers and sisters more than he did. I don't think they were expecting transgender people to even be there. I'm sure no minds were changed, but a round of applause was offered at the end to the fact these issues were discussed peacefully and respectfully.

Something did happen that took me by surprise. When I worked the NCTGUNITY booth at Pride Charlotte last August, I had the opportunity to dialogue with two ladies of differing opinions than most people there. I won't refer to them as protestors because they were too nice. That has a negative connotation which does not apply to them. The really cool thing, they were at the debate that evening and recognized me. They made their way over to say hi. We had a nice chat and hugged before they left. I gave them my card with the hope we can keep in touch. If they read this post, they know how much I respect them, and that respect is sincere.

I've often thought of the following points; education can take many forms. Most times, it's simply living our lives and being proud of ourselves. We can also make more headway by treating others like we wish to be treated. It's merely a case of keeping human dignity first and foremost in our minds.

Additionally, during Pride Day, most of the people inside the venue also did not fully understand transgender issues. The fact that even our own community doesn't quite get us is at the core of the ENDA controversy. More on that later.

Sometimes I think there are people traveling life's journey parallel to ours. We occasionally come into each others' lives for a reason. In the case of my meeting these two ladies, perhaps it was to show each of us that we have more commonalities than we do differences. We were all there for one reason, we are Christians.

One last observation, walking back to our car, I remarked to Roberta that when I was a kid, I picked up the newspaper one morning and read about a gender variant person who was arrested for wearing clothing of the opposite sex in public...... ..on the very spot we were standing. I understand we have a long ways to go, but we absolutely.. .... positively come a long way since those days. Some of us remember it very personally.


It's happened again. A transgender youth was killed for no other reason than who she is. Read about it here She is one more person to honor next November 20th on The Transgender Day of Remembrance. She is one more person who will be added to Gwen Smith's Remembering Our Dead.

So the madness continues. This story has gotten very little press compared to other crimes in recent days. The divisiveness within the community and personal agendas must take a back seat to the fact that another life will not reach it's full potential.

January 1, 2008

This article in The Wall Street Journal by Naomi Schaefer Riley has generated a lot of conversation in our Charlotte Gender Alliance group. This was one of the usual slanted pieces full of misinformation regarding what it means to be transgender. At least it has people thinking and talking.

Ms. Riley generated discussion not only in the United States, but obviously around the world. I found a particularly interesting response in a blog entry by Zoe Brain in Canberra, Australia.

She links to a 70's song by Melanie (the singer, not my friend) that moved me, Lay down, lay down or Candles in the Rain
I remember the song, but never thought of it in the context of support groups.

"So raise the candles high'
Cause if you don't we could stay black against the night
Oh raise them higher again
And if you do we could stay dry against the rain."

"We were so close,
there was no room.
We bled inside,
each other's wounds"

Lyrics (c) Copyright 1970 by Kama Rippa Music, Inc. and Melanie Music, Inc.1650 Broadway, New York, New York 10019.

The last line got to me. We talk so much about the lack of TG Unity, not only in NC, but everywhere. If we felt that close to our brothers and sisters......... imagine all we could accomplish.

December 30th, 2007

As I look upon the last year, it's been full of surprises. I never thought I would have surgery twice in one year, once for a torn tendon in my arm, then facial surgery. The latter was optional, of course. I'm still marinating on when I will have the second procedure. I am thinking of sooner, rather than later.

Charlotte Gender Alliance has proved to be all we hoped. At this moment, we have 57 members on our Yahoo Group. Not that many will be able to attend a meeting, but if we provide the support and education only one person needs, it will have been worth the effort.

I had cordial contact with my ex wife for the first time in years. I sent her a Christmas Card with a small gift. She called to thank me and wished me well. It is impossible to spend years with a person and not have a concern for their welfare. I wish her the best and I think she knows that.

I have to admit a relationship is a missing piece of life's puzzle. I have some awesome friends and a good life. I also need someone special in my life. If it happens, that will be wonderful. If not, the journey will continue anyway.

I had no contact with my children again this year. I don't know if I have grown numb to that fact, or have learned to let go. Perhaps it's a combination of the two.

I mentioned an important outreach effort at the corporate level. That took place December 20th and went very well. In several online groups, the topic of education is a priority. The fact Barney Frank said more education is needed on behalf of the transgender community is a statement not lost on many of us.

However we may disagree with his actions regarding a non TG inclusive ENDA, the misconceptions of what it means to be transgender remain prevalent. I believe there will be some exciting outreach events taking place in 2008. I hope to be a part of a few of those. Let's get on with it.

Peace On Earth

I've been learning a bit of german recently. I found a german version of my favorite Christmas Carol: Stille Nacht It is very simple, but is a beautiful rendition.


There is a piece I posted on my website one year ago today. This was written long before Charlotte Gender Alliance came into being. In view of our world as it remains, I believe it is still appropriate:

12/23/06

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me". I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire?

As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace. As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 17, 2007

I was thinking today how enjoyable this holiday season has been. Christmas is my favorite time of year, with all the little gatherings and the music in church.

Two weekends ago was a holiday social at Lisa's home. She's a very TG knowledgeable therapist I met several years ago. It was good meeting her clients and getting to know everyone.

Church is always nice during Christmas. Melanie and I lit the Advent Candles Sunday before last, which is something rather emotional.

This past Saturday night was the Kappa Beta Christmas party. I said last night I was happy I had the facial surgery. It's good I was able to time it when I did, especially with the chin implant which took more time to heal. The purpose was to make my face rounder and less angular. The recovery time let me be back to normal in time for the holidays. I did a few songs from ABBA Saturday evening, which let me show once again how little talent I have. It's all meant to be fun anyway, which it sure was.

Thanks also to my friend Swooz for the new hairstyle. This girl is beyond awesome. She came to the party and did a little number herself.

This coming Thursday, I have a major outreach opportunity with a large NC based corporation. Our dialogue has been going on almost a year and I'm very excited about how this has progressed. My hope is we can put a positive face on what it means to be transgender. I may share more about this in the weeks to come.

December 15, 2007

Now and then, I see someone I know on the talkshows. Last week, Kassandra was on Maury. We've met a couple times. I thought it was awesome that she had the courage to appear on a talk show and share her story.

I'm almost completely healed from my facial surgery. If you had asked me about a week post op, I would have said I wish I hadn't done it. Now that it's over, I'm glad I did this. It has made life so much easier. There is one minor surgery I may have early next year. I will decide within the next couple months. I thought for a fleeting moment about posting photos after the surgery. It was not a pretty sight.

This year is the 30th anniversary of one and only ABBA tour of Australia. There is a show this evening in Sydney in the theater where the ABBA movie premiered 30 years ago yesterday.

How is this important you ask? I guess it's not really, but I think it's pretty cool. Sometimes I think I'm stuck in the seventies. I'm not sure I even want to leave.

The furor over ENDA has mostly died down. The reality has set in that the TG community was thrown to the curb. What happened to the premise that people have a right to be who they are, no matter who they are? It is the old politics of expediency.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

As I thought today of the lives that ended all too soon, I thought of so many others, some of whom I have known personally, whose lives never reached full potential.

The rate of suicide, depression and suicidal ideation in the transgender community is astronomical. Especially, I think each day of a close friend of mine. She made her first suicide attempt in 1996. There were three subsequent suicide attempts, leaving her confined to a wheelchair to this day. The last time I saw her, she showed me the scars on her wrists.

I have thought a thousand times of how I should have picked up the warning signs; was there something I could have done and did not? Most probably, yes. She was such a brilliant woman, yet she never found the happiness she craved.

When any life is not given a chance to bloom, it is a loss for each of us. As has been said, we light candles this evening for our transgendered brothers and sisters. In reality, the candles are lit for anyone who is persecuted because of who they are.

My candle is also lit for this dear friend. I think of you often, I miss you and wish I had been there for you!

Day of Remembrance

Our Day of Remembrance

Tuesday, November 20 is The Transgender Day Of Remembrance. It is a day set aside to commemorate those transgender men and women who have been victims of the ultimate act of violence.

This event began in 1998 to commemorate the murder of Rita Hester in Boston, MA from multiple stab wounds. Her murder remains unsolved. Unfortunately, she was not the last. It is fitting and proper those of us in the transgender community would pause and remember those among us who's life journey was all too short.

As we pause tomorrow, let us remember that when anyone, anywhere is persecuted because of who they are, it must forever remain unacceptable.

We have had much discussion on ENDA, we engage in outreach at the social level and we speak of pride in ourselves at the personal level. At the core of all forms of outreach is the fundamental issue of human dignity.

May we develop a renewed respect for the dignity of others who are different from ourselves. May we also develop a renewed sense of self respect. In doing so, we are able to offer compassion to those around us who are hurting and in need. It's the very least we can do for our fellow human beings......and ourselves.

This link to a short video by Rev. Erin Swinson sums the day far more eloquently than I could.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzDGzbZICA0

For anyone incined, this link is to Gwen Smith's moving site, "Remembering Our Dead".
http://www.gender.org/remember/index.html#

Halloween and ENDA the month

This blog could have become like a radio station, 'all ENDA, all the time'. For several weeks, our Charlotte Gender Alliance online group was mostly ENDA related. The subject warranted the time spent. As I have seen so often, much of the problem is the fact the gay community does not fully understand the issues faced by Transgender people. Congressman Frank made that clear when he said there still needs to be education on the behalf of the T- community.

The final debate will take place at a later date. I think many were surprised by the outpouring of support from many non TG groups. I also believe time will heal the misunderstanding between HRC and the TG leaders who have worked for inclusivity. Perhaps both sides will have learned from the experience.

I would have been ready for any trick or treaters tonight. I'm home recovering from facial surgery on 10/23. I did not have FFS in the sense it is practiced by Drs. Osterhout and Alter. Essentially I had a face/neck lift. As of this evening, I look like a still shot from Rocky I, but I'm healing. The staples were removed from my head this past Monday. I go back next week for removal of the remaining sutures.

I only told a few close friends what I had done. I have wondered how many people actually read this blog. I suspect not many, but perhaps I will soon find out.

ENDA the line

The last week has been tumultuous regarding the Employment Non Discrimination Act. There was hope the HRC would change it's stance and continue to support a transgender inclusive bill. That hope did not come to pass.

Certain friends of mine here in North Carolina have worked long and hard with HRC for this effort, and others. For them to tender their resignation to HRC was a heart wrenching decision. They had the courage they always have and did the right thing.

A number of people from NC, along with others, protested outside the HRC dinner this past Saturday evening while Nancy Pelosi made her keynote address. To her credit, she acknowledged the protestors and stated her support for a trans inclusive ENDA. She did this irrespective of the fact she and Congressman Frank rewrote the bill from it's original form to a separate bill for transgender rights.

The last three years, Donna Rose has been the one transgender face on the HRC board of directors at the national level. She has done a lot for our community. You can read her statement on the HRC decision.

As things evolve, the concensus is growing that HRC was forced to compromise to get any bill at all through congress. The reality is the bill has little to no chance of passage during the next year. As with most legislation involving human rights, the wheels turn slowly. Foundations must be laid before the final structure goes up. It would seem this is taking place as we watch.


My friend Nancy Wichmann redesigned our CGA website. Nancy is very good at this and I appreciate what she did for us. Charlotte Gender Alliance continues to grow. We knew we were filling a need at the right time.

ENDA

I realized the day I worked the NC TG UNITY table at Pride Charlotte, I have as many gay friends as I do TG. With that in mind, the following piece does not apply to my dear friends. I am speaking in the sense of 'community'. They will understand what I'm saying. Many of us have discussed the following issues.

Several decades ago, there was endless discussion as to whether the already ostracized transgender community had made a tactical error in aligning with the gay and lesbian movement. It was said we share the same problems, including discrimination, violence, employment issues etc.

It has been ironic to me that, in many ways, the gay community doesn't really get us. We are charged with educating the very community of which we are supposedly a part.

In 2007, it is clear the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Employment Non Discrimination Act, ENDA is coming to a congressional vote, probably next Friday.

ENDA has had the support of the Human Rights Campaign, along with other lobbying groups. HRC director Joe Solmonese made a speech at Southern Comfort earlier this month, pledging HRC's unwavering support.

As it became clear the bill was in trouble, Speaker Pelosi and Congressman Barney Frank rewrote the bill to exclude gender identity. This move has been now supported by HRC, contrary to what was said in front of the largest gathering of TG people in the country. Barney Frank wrote a rambling statement as to his motives. HRC has issued a statement attempting to explain their throwing the transgender community to the curb.

A number of TG people, including someone in NC whom I greatly respect are visiting the HRC dinner in Washington next week. Inasmuch as we were thrown on the curb, they will meet at the curb and picket this dinner.

It seems to me we were thrown under the bus. The right of any human being to earn a living is where the rubber meets the road. Many good people, some I know personally and some I only know of, worked hard for this bill. Let us hope they planted seeds that will eventually take root. I hope we are around to see it happen.

Jenny Boylan once said the only thing we have in common with the gays and lesbians is "we get beaten up by the same people". When it was expedient to include the transgender community for fundraising and support issues, they were happy to have us. When it became expedient to dump us to achieve their own agenda, there was no hesitation.

As a friend said, there comes a time when compromise is no longer an option.

September 18, 2007

There have been lots of things taking place recently, all of which are good.

Last week was the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta. This past Friday was an event unique to the conference and our community, a Transgender Career Expo day. There were representatives from a number of Fortune 500 companies. I had planned to drive down from Charlotte for the day, but a sprained foot changed my mind. This expo is one more sign of the progress that continues to be made in public awareness of who we are as individuals. The Charlotte Observer published a story on the event yesterday.

Saturday, August 25th was Pride Charlotte. I was able to work the NCTGUNITY booth for the entire day. Even in the 99 degree heat, it was a totally remarkable day . I don't recall a time when I have seen so many old friends from the past, or had more hugs. A few photos are posted in my online webshots. One saving grace was our table was less than 20 feet from the back door of Starbucks. When I saw that door, I knew I woud survive the heat.

Naturally, we had the usual protestors. It's ironic that not only are we charged with educating the GLB segment of the community, we also deal with the same protestors which bedevil them. Many disagree, but I don't think they are bad people. A GG friend and I followed two protestors into Starbucks and engaged them in dialogue. I won't go into the verbage, but it was mutually respectful. Both of us had goosebumps when we left them. We did the right thing.

My hairdresser visited Kappa Beta in August for presentation on facial shapes and a styling demonstration. I think everyone enjoyed it. I know she enjoyed it so much, she's coming to our Christmas party.

Our Charlotte Gender Alliance is growing more rapidly than I would have dreamed. Our September meeting was well attended and the discussion intense. This is precisely what we were hoping for.

Things are not perfect, but life is great with much more to take place in the near future. More on that later.

August 15, 2007

My son's birthday was August 13. He is 27 years old. I called to wish him Happy Birthday, but got his voice mail and left a message to let him know I love him. I've gotten no response. I have to admit it leaves a rather empty feeling.

I'm not the only one who deals with these issues. However, as everyone knows, it is small comfort to know there are others in your situation.

Lots of people are talking about the Larry King interview with transgender guests this past Friday evening. The guests did a wonderful job of presenting themselves and representing the community.

But you would think Larry would have done enough of these interviews that he would know more about the subject by now. Someone said towards the end, if you didn't know better, you would think he was doing a comedy routine. He asked former Largo, FL City Manager, Susan Stanton if she was a crossdresser since she's not had surgery. Next, he asked if she stood up or sat down to use the rest room. I could almost hear groans going up from all over. He even coined a new word, "transgenderite", as if we didn't have enough labels already.

I suppose exposure such as this is better than none at all, especially considering the calbire of the guests. You just do get tired of the same irrelevant questions from a supposedly intelligent host. I must say, I did like his suspenders.

The following quotation is from Equality NC:

"House Bill 1366, the School Violence Prevention Act, is on the calendar for Tuesday, July 24, in the Senate Judiciary II Committee.

This bipartisan bill would require schools systems to adopt strong policies against bullying and harassment, including harassment against students based on their sexual orientation and gender identity."

End quote.

No child should endure the bullying that we know goes on in the school systems in our nation. It remains incredible to me that a person in the 21st century, youth or adult, would endure harrassment because of who they are.

It rather ties in with the below video someone shared with me the other day. As I have often said, everything we do is about human dignity. In the grand scheme of things, nothing else matters. This segment is worth viewing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJdS0rTt2ps

I began phsyical therapy last week to regain mobility in my right arm. I never thought holding my hand straight and turning my wrist would bring beads of sweat, but it surely did. If something as minimal as this can be so hard, it's difficult to even comprehend what some people have to endure in rehab. It makes me realize how lucky I've been, and am.

Last night was our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting (http://charlottegender.tripod.com/)
I am very enthused about this effort and our format. So many gender variant men and women must endure stress and hardship. One of the most stressful can be the feeling of isolation. We have all known the feeling to one degree or another.

A discussion group with this format ensures participation by everyone present. Each person becomes a coequal sum of all the parts, no matter where their place on the gender path may be. This is something whose time has come. This is the time and we are the people.

I wasn't my usual self physically, but I felt better when I got to our meeting. It's beyond cool.

July 1, 2007

If it's true that bad things tend to come in threes, I should be in great shape now. The Friday before Memorial Day, my home was flooded by a burst pipe while I was at work. The carpet had to be replaced and I spent the weekend in a hotel with Girl (my cat). That's another story in itself.

A situation at work has made it clear it's time to begin looking for new employment, not an easy thing since life changes never come easily and I've made very few changes during my work years. Even so, once we accept change, it becomes easier to pursue.

I had surgery June 22nd to repair a torn tendon in my right arm. The splint was taken off and the sitches removed this past Friday. It's a matter now of regaining mobility and reducing pain. I begin physical therapy this coming Thursday. My right arm will be in a sling a few more weeks, although I can rest my arm on a pillow and type. Being offline for a week was a major bother.

The surgery forced me to miss our Kappa Beta meting last weekend. This meeting was a special tribute to one of our senior members. A friend read my piece for me. I know I missed a rather emotional gathering.

This coming weekend is our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting. I'm excited about the contribution we will be able to make to both the TG community in the Charlotte area and our community as a whole. A lot of input has made this possible. This is going to be a worthwhile effort.

I was hoping to hear from my children on Fathers' Day, but it didn't happen. This is not a unique situation to many of us, but still brings a certain sadness. As I have said, no matter what the future holds, I will always be proud to be their father. I shall remain open to them.

Even with the not so good things coming threes, I realize more than ever how much my friends and family mean. Many others are not nearly as well off as I am. Life is still good.

June 3, 2007

I've been listening to a lot of ABBA recently. I like music from that genre and ABBA has always been a favorite. "I Have A Dream" never made top of the charts, but when I listened the other day, I found it carried a poignant message for me personally. There are a number of versions, but this one is my favorite. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R3JAruiWm0


We visited our regular class at the university last week. The students are always a lot of fun. The Q&A is the part we look forward to. This time, we were asked a question that had not been discussed to the degree we did this week. A lady asked what God must think of what we do. The discussion became rather involved. Needless to say I told her God loved me so much He made me this way. I hope we at least let her leave with a more open mind.

Another question was totally unique. A young female student wanted to know if we could give her advice on how to become a judge in drag queen contests. That has been one of her dreams. I've known drag queens who are friends, but not being one myself, I and the others were not a lot of help. I thought of a t-shirt that might read, "I earned a four year degree and all I got to do was judge this lousy drag queen contest".


I don't normally talk a lot about my personal life in this blog. However, I think I have a hint of what it may have been like on The Titanic. I came home from work Friday before Memorial Day and water was outside the door. I opened the door to find a flooded apartment. A pipe had burst during the day and it was a disaster. The resident manager put me up in a hotel while they dried things out. They laid new carpet last week. Fortunately, I had minimal personal damage.

That evening, he came by to check on how things were. He's only been on this site a few weeks, but began talking to me about his partner and how they had been looking for domestic partner benefits, and found them here.

I shared with him some of the things I do with the 'T' part of the GLBT community. It was an interesting conversation. Something occurred to me. As a gay person, he is able to be out to the point he can apply for career positions and be open about very core of who he is. Domestic partner benefits is an obvious example. Things are not perfect, but their level of acceptance has taken major leap forward in recent years.

On the other hand, as transgender people, we have not reached that level of acceptance. Susan Stanton and a host of others are examples of that fact.

I believe the transgender community is at a singular point in time. Virtually every week the last few months, we have had positive press, a major talk show, the transgender character on All My Children, Susan Stanton and her dignified way of handling her situation, the recent article in Newsweek on the subject of gender and others.

It is my belief that one does not need to be an activist, as we normally define the term, to make a contribution. Each person has something to offer. I hope history will show this was our time to make that quantum leap forward.

May 3, 2007

I have spoken often of my fond memories of The Washington-Baltimore Alliance, formerly The National Alliance. I received the email last week that I was afraid would soon come.

The WBA has officially disbanded as of the end of April. In one sense, it's the end of an era. Logically, we know all things change and evolve. The area is well served by TGEA and other groups. Of course, logic does not always determine how the heart feels.

I have a file cabinet full of letters and newsletters from that era of community development. They just became a lot more valuable to me personally. The former leaders of WBA will leave the website active with occasional postings of community events. I'm glad I was able to maintain contact with them as my own journey continued.
http://www.transgender.org/wba/

The Zoe character has not been on All My Children the past week. I heard the actor's contract ran out, although Zoe is still shown in the promos. I continue to DVR the program to watch in the evening. I'm only watching to see when Krystal finds her baby. It's not like I'm hooked on it, or anything. heh heh

Last weekend was one of the more interesting I've had in some time. I took part in an all day Saturday workshop presented by the leading manufacturer of laser technology. I am familiar with the principles of electrolysis, but much of laser theory is new to me.

The series of lectures were extremely interesting, and presented from the standpoint of those already in the field. Thus, it was an opportunity for education from a different perspective than I may normally be afforded.

Late in the day, we participated in hands on demonstrations. Laser is much more than hair removal, although it is naturally the focus of interest for most in the TG community. Certain machines serve different purposes. I was extremely impressed with the treatment of spider veins, as well as a skin tightening technique that is on a par with Thermage. Neither is equal to a surgical facelift, but for someone with no advanced signs of aging, it could be economically and aesthetically beneficial.

Insofar as hair removal, I remain with the opinion that electrolysis is more effective for the long term. As many know, the debate is sometimes heated. It has become clear that laser is here to stay. I found myself wondering how the technology will evolve during the next decade.

April 15, 2007

Former City Manager of Largo, FL, Susan Stanton was interviewed by Larry King Friday evening. The promos had said she had a significant announcement.

She said exactly what I was hoping she would, that she would NOT file suit against the city of Largo, FL for unlawful termination, even though her case was strong. She said "this is about education, not litigation". I thought to myself, "she gets it!".

With that statement, she demonstrated this is not about self promotion, money or fame. Like so many in our world, she came to the realization that to go on pretending to be something you are not will eventually take an ultimate toll. She also realized she cannot continue pretending to not be something she is.

Due to the unasked for visibility of her situation, Susan Stanton is in a unique position to educate the public not only about what it means to be transgendered, but to also demonstrate the message of forgiveness.

She has come to that point in life at which it is necessary to let go of certain situations and even people. She will no doubt find an infinitely broad array of situations to latch onto that will bring her the happiness she deserves.

I hope the day will come when I have the opportunity to shake her hand.

Easter Sunday

The last week has been filled with sadness in Charlotte, NC. Last Saturday evening, two Charlotte police officers were slain in the line of duty. There was a funeral Thursday and Good Friday.

Church was lovely this morning, as I knew it would be. While listening to the sermon and then partaking in communion, I thought back to the professor's words two weeks ago, "from ignorance comes fear, and from fear comes hatred.

This will remain one of the realities in a fallen world. From where then, do we find love? The answer lies in the message of Christ's resurrection. As with the Christmas message, once we accept our redemption, our view of ourselves and our world is forever changed.

The title of our pastor's sermon this morning was, 'Life Begins From Death'. Alleluia!

March 31, 2007

This past Tuesday evening, Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel spoke in Charlotte, NC. His topic: 'Against Indifference'.

At that hour, our small group was giving our semester presentation at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. In his opening remarks, the professor made reference to the fact that ignorance breeds fear, which breeds hate.

Largo city manager Steve/Susan Stanton was officially fired last week by the town council. Her years of exemplary service meant nothing once her true self became manifest.

Within the past two weeks, a transgender woman was murdered in San Francisco. Syndicated talk show host, Michael Savage called this woman a freak. He went on to say the students who commited the Columbine shootings, wearing black trench coats were influenced by Dr. Stanley Biber's medical practice in Trinidad, CO., which had become the 'sex change capitol of the United States'. As most know, Dr. Biber has passed away and Dr. Marci Bowers is now practicing in Trinidad, CO.

I read what Mr. Savage had said, but would not believe it until I heard it myself. I listened to the clip this evening. He said all that, and even worse. To link to his audio would give credence to a man who does not deserve credence.

It is being charitable to simply say this is a man whose ignorance has led to hate. It's unfortunate for him and for anyone who may take him seriously.

There is so much darkness in our world. What is to be done? Each of us can stand up for what we believe and perhaps most importantly, accept each other in the way we desire to be accepted.

3/18/07

Following up on the transgendered character introduced on All My Children, ABC has posted a look behind the scenes. A clip of an interview with Jenny Boylan is included. You must let the 30 second commercial play before getting to the heart of it. This is show biz, after all.

http://abc.go.com/fsp/index.html?channel=AMCPodcast

The WBA

No, the WBA does not stand for 'World Boxing Association'. In the body of my website, there is a link to The Washington-Baltimore Alliance. This is where I got my frst measure of support all those many years ago. The name may have changed a couple times and the people are different, but the purpose remains. I receive their monthly newsletter and am able to continue to keep up with what's taking place in the group.

There is an interesting article in today's issue of The Baltimore City Paper with certain members of the WBA interviewed. We may have a long ways to go, but the closet doors have definitely opened, or more accurately, been forced open by courageous people. Below is the link.

http://www.citypaper.com/news/story.asp?id=13393

March 11, 2007

I suppose I was destined to begin watching a soap opera. The transgendered character recently introduced on All My Children has begun her transition in earnest. I set my DVR to record all the programs. Thank goodness for the fast forward button to zip past the commercials.

The TG character, Zoe attended her first support group meeting this past Friday. Aside from the actor playing Zoe, the support group members are all transgendered men and women. The group is facilitated by Jenny Boylan, author of 'She's Not There'. When I learned Jenny Boylan would be a regular, I knew it would be well done. It's good to see a program presenting the community in a positive way. As I watched, it reminded me of some groups I've been part of. Incidentally, the one transman in the group had a small part in the movie 'Transamerica'.

I did think Zoe was a bit overly dramatic when the endocrinologist explained possible side effects of hormones. Then I reminded myself, it's a soap opera; it's supposed to be overly dramatic. So I suppose a certain allowance must be made.


Everyone in the TG community has heard about the events of the last couple weeks in Largo, FL. For those reading this who are are not aware, Steve Stanton, city manager of the city came out as transsexual and announced his plans to transition. After a tumultuous meeting, the city council voted to fire him.

Events like this one drive home the point that much work remains to be done in gaining the acceptance each individual deserves. Someone described this situation as a lightning rod for transgender rights. That is well stated.

The irony is Susan Stanton has been well respected for her competency. Only when she allowed her true self to become manifest, was she ostracized. Many activists are converging on this city. There could be both pros and cons to that, but suffice it to say, this will have lasting repercussions.

What really makes some of us crazy is the fact a local Baptist minister made the statement that, "if Jesus was here, I guarantee, He would want him terminated". That is so asinine as to deserve neither comment nor attention. I mention it because his statement was carried by the media. Perhaps that is a good thing, in that it shows the ignorance and prejudice that continues to exist in this world.

For the latest on this, visit http://www.savestanton.com/home

Christmas

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. Today seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me".

I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know peace will only come upon our final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire? As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will only come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of the world, and ourselves is forever changed. At the very least, there can be "pockets of peace".

As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 19, 2006

This is the time of year when a project called Room In The Inn is quite active. Various churches, including ours, take in homeless neighbors for a night to provide a good meal and a warm bed. For those who prepare a meal, or act as servers, it's a small contribution which probably has as much meaning to the volunteer as it does the recipient.

It was good to hear a local television station is taking part by collecting donations.

During a recent cold snap, the Charlotte Urban Ministry was short 1000 beds. A local church opened it's doors and took in 200 women.

Clearly, the need remains greater than the resources. The effort gets most attention in winter months, especially around Christmas. The problem is year round.



Last night was the Time Out Youth meeting, which included GenderSpace. I have said before how the young folks impress me, so I won't belabor the point. They are too cool.



Our support group Christmas party was this past Saturday night and a whole lot of fun. My GG friends, Melanie and Stephanie attended again this year. They always enjoy meeting my other friends. It's fun when your friends from two parts of life have an opportunity to say hello to each other.


I don't vent very often, so this will be as close as I come. It has eternally bothered me when people in the TG community have an elevated perception of their importance to the community. I am not speaking of anyone in my immediate circle of friends, nor my support group. Now and then we see people who, in each conversation, feel compelled to recite their resume'. It is not new.

In my view, the greatest contributions are made by those who live their lives in such a way as to be an example to others, or who show their care for others in any number of ways. I am priveleged to know several of those people now, to have knowledge of others and to be aware there are others whose names will never be known. To those good people, each of us is indebted.

odds & ends

I must be in the spirit of Christmas. I'm finally enjoying 'Holly Jolly Christmas' by Burl Ives. That's a sure sign for me.

I probably won't see my children this year. I haven't seen my daughter since last year. She got what she wanted financially and hasn't seen fit to visit since last Christmas. I called my son, but haven't heard from him...yet. I will read again what I say about letting go.

I made a bit of a mistake last night. I decided to look at some very old photographs of my family. These go back many years. I found one of my ex holding my six month old son in the back yard. It got to me in a major way. I won't be doing that again for a while. My emotions are running rampant these days.

Last Monday evening was the Time Out Youth potluck social. It was at a coffee house and a lot of fun. Some of the young folks performed original poetry and musical compositions. I read the piece I wrote on The Transgender Day of Remembrance in November. Some of the people seem to appreciate it, which makes me feel good.

I'm one of the volunteers, but I think I'm the one who gets the most benefit. The maturity of these young people is in stark contrast to my life as a teen. I told them I know people who have spent a lifetime trying to find their way. They have already done it.

There is a new transgendered character introduced on 'All My Children'. I've set the DVR a few times to get a feel for it. So far, I am underwhelmed. I have not seen a lot of depth to this character so far. There truly is no pun intended there.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

This past Monday, November 20 was The Transgender Day of Remembrance. I was afforded the opportunity to take part in a panel discussion, followed by the lighting of candles.

It was somewhat emotional for me to do this. I think each day about people I have known in years past. While they were not subjected to violence, they were victimized emotionally.

It is amazing to me that in the 21st century, people would hate someone because they are different. It's reality.

A sure sign of Christmas happened locally the day after Thanksgiving. Some people at a mall were trampled in a mad stampede to be the first at something or the other. I'm sure this happens in other places, but it's another of the oddities of life I fail to understand. It occurred to me these folks probably had their car radio tuned to music hoping for peace on earth, but woe be unto someone who stands in the way of the new X-Box. Beats the heck out of me.

change of seasons

I realized I've not updated my blog in several months and two changes of seasons have taken place.

I am still in awe of how good life can be sometimes. I have been able to do a small amount of volunteering at Time Out Youth, although not enough. These young folks amaze me. I told the group a couple months ago that I've known people who live a lifetime and never really get in touch with their 'true selves'. It is I who learn from them.

Fathers' Day came and went, as did a birthday, without a call from my daughter. I did hear from my son and have seen him, which means more than can be put into words.

I thought a lot about Fathers' Day this year. I have known some people who attempt to sever their ties to the past and shun the label of father, brother or son. I would not critize anyone for their decisions, but I will always be proud to be a father to my children. It is the past that has shaped who we are today. Anyhow, this is only my opinion.

I never cease to be amazed at the bickering that goes on within what are supposed to support groups. I am watching it happen now in more than one group. The groups and the names don't matter. The outcome is the same. When we spend our energy and time in flame wars over personal slights, whether real or perceived, we take away from the good that can be accomplished by the larger number. It is just so easy to get caught up with 'self' that the needs of others fall by the wayside. Each of us is guilty to some extent, this writer included, I am certain.

We had our semester visit to The University of North Carolina at Charlotte last week. This outreach continues to be one of the more satisfying efforts for me personally, and I believe for the others who attend.

It occurred to me during last week's class that someone with courage began this outreach 17 years ago. There are three classes per year, which is 51 classes. Assuming 30 students per class (there are usually more) that is 1,530 people who have seen a positive image of TG people from varying points on the spectrum.

I would wonder how many of those people were questioning their own gender identity. Societal norms tell us a certain percentage would be. The rest may be more open to friends or relatives whom they may learn are questioning. It's a pretty cool thought in those terms.

Visit to UNCC

Yesterday was our once per semester visit to the Unversity of North Carolina at Charlotte sociology class. This was my third occasion to attend and, as always, we were treated with respect and asked some extremely insightful questions. These classes are always a positive and uplifting experience. Four of us went and two were making their first visit, which I thought was wonderful.

This outreach was begun over 16 years ago and continues now. I often wonder how many young people who are struggling with TG issues may have been touched during these years and so many visits. I have a feeling it is more than a few.

Southeast Regional Time Out Youth Conference

May 12th and 13th, I had the opportunity to attend the Time Out Youth Conference held in Charlotte, NC. A group of four from my church took part in a workshop led by our pastor. I also was able to attend the various workshops as they took place both days.

A couple things struck me very quickly. Young people these days seem so much more intelligent than I remember us being in our teens. Perhaps it's this group and the sense of focus they possessed. I don't know, but if they are indicative of the mainstream, our future will be in good hands.

The number of teens who identified as being transgendered was relatively small, which I believe reflects the overall percentage we think of in society as a whole. What did surprise me was that the majority of the young people who identified as transgendered were F2M. I only recall one young person who identified as M2F, although there were perhaps others.

Again, whether this is indicative of this particuar conference, or reflects the norm, I do not know. What I do know is these young people have the same challenges and issues to over come that each of us did, irrespective or our age or place on the transgender continuum.

As I have said so often, all each of us is seeking is to 'find our way' in life. It was gratifying to see people at such a young age who are well on the way to finding their way.

The keynote speaker for Saturday was Kate Bornstein, well known author, lecturer, and performance artist. It was a pleasure to meet her in person.

April 29, 2006

Last weekend, I was afforded the opportunity to attend a Saturday morning seminar presented by the Electrology Association of N.C. (EANC) A presenter was Susan Anderer of the Illinois School of Electrology. Her primary lecture topic was a new technique known as the "Sequential Inverted Micro-Pulse Led Energy Technique". Obviously, I am speaking as a non professional, but this is an approach using a series of electrical pulses, as opposed to one longer continuous pulse. These pulses last 1/1000 of a second, the blink of an eye. Typically, there are a series of nine pulses, depending upon the coarsness of the hair, or the stage of the growth at which the follicle happens to be. She experimented with as few as six pulses.

I was the subject of a demonstration for the electrologists present, using this technique. This was because I still have what are known as "terminal" hairs. No, this does not mean they grew at the airport. (S'cuse the humor!) Additionally, these follicles were in anagen (growth) stage. It would not be proper for me to judge the effectiveness of this approach, being a layperson. Suffice it to say, the 90 minute presentation, and subsequent demonstration were extremely educational.

Someone thanked me for being the subject. I told them I'm like someone looking for a handout. I'll go anywhere to get a few hairs zapped. Incidentally, Ms Anderer is lecturing at "Be All" in Chicago this June. http://www.be-all.org/


Lastly for now, anyone who knows me also knows I am a Seinfeld fan, which is putting it mildly. I saw 'Capote' recently. I was probably one of the few people yet to see the movie. I wanted to judge for myself if Philip Hoffman deserved his Oscar for best actor. He definitely did. He was awesome. In any case, the actor who played the role of Truman Capote's agent also played the Seinfeld role of Russel Dalrymple, the president of NBC when Jerry and George were pitching their pilot.

I may be wrong on this one, but I could almost swear Perry Smith, one of the killers was the guy who played the Puerto Rican waiter whom George caused to be fired at a restaurant in one episode. George and Kramer went to his apartment and accidently let the guy's cat out. I've googled this one and still can't be certain, but it looked like him.

Then, I had my nails done the other day. This is a salon I've been to a few times and the ladies are quite nice. There was a wonderfully done Seinfeld episode which took place in a chinese restaurant. The gang could not be seated and when they asked how long it would be, the host always said, "oh....five, ten minutes". I swear, the owner, Luan came over and said, "it be......five, ten minutes". True to the script, it was more like twenty minutes. Granted, she was not chinese, but it was close enough. Hey, you take humor in life wherever you can find it.

life's humor, then lows

I was in the library again the other day and found a couple books I wanted to check out. It occurred to me I'd not gotten a library card yet in my name, which is something I need to take care of.

Anyway, I told the librarian this was 'my husband's card'. She scanned in the computer and said, "it looks like he has a $.20 overdue fine". All I had was a ten, so she said, "he can pay it next time he's in".

I thought of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates a girl he thinks is too much like him. He says, "I've found who I've been looking for..me. Now I've swept myself off my feet!" Life can be a hoot sometimes.


Then life has it's low points. I wrote at Christmas how excited I was that my daughter and son came over for a visit, after not seeing them in several years. I was hoping my daughter had not come only because she wanted financial help. Unfortunately, the last several months have proved this was the case. It adds sadness to an otherwise wonderful life. She hung up the phone on me the other night, after using not very nice words.

I need to read again what I wrote about letting go, and take my own advice. Not an easy thing to do where your children are concerned....but it's reality.

I went back to that place where my two friends were refused service. Those two young men are either no longer there, or are not working when I go in. As I said, discrimination in any form is unacceptable and must not go unchallenged.

Synchronicity

Sometimes I think things happen in sequence to send us a little message here and there. One of my favorite simple pleasures is to spend time with coffee and some reading in Starbucks.

The other day I was enjoying my hour of coffee, and reading a womens' daily devotional Melanie gave me. The title is "Woman, Thou Art Loosed", by Bishop T. D. Jakes. It contains a lot of meaningful faith based messages which I find inspirational.

In any case, you don't see books of this genre, or by this author just every day. When I left Starbucks, I stopped by the library to check new releases. The first new book that met my eye was another by Bishop T. D. Jakes. The title, "God's Message for the Single Woman". I suppose it's appropriate, and perhaps a bit of synchronicity. As I think back over time, there are many such small events, and this is probably true for all of us.

Individual Rights

Even with the positive media exposure our community has received lately, and the increased acceptance we like to believe exists, things still happen to let us know there is a long way to go.

A couple weeks ago, two friends went to a fast food restaurant and were refused service by two employees. As they patiently waited at the counter to place their order, the two male cashiers went to the rear of the restaurant, turned their back and intentionally ignored them. Eventually, a female worker came to the front and took their order. Big whoop de do!

It normally takes a lot to get my dander up, but this one did. I mean, come on now, Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that "we are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".

Um, excuse me! Having a sandwich and coffee in our chosen gender role is one of the ways a number of us pursue happiness.

I personally went back to this place a few days ago. Apparantly, these two young men were not working that day. I am normally a very retiring person. I have to say when I walked in there, I felt like Clint Eastwood. I wanted to say "go ahead punk, make my day". I am anything but confrontational, but I had a right to sit in a booth and enjoy my iced tea, which I did.

In this day and age in America, discrimination in any form is simply unacceptable. I don't believe this one is over yet.


Back again to the Oscars this past Sunday, I find it to be a commentary on the state of Hollywood, and the world, when a 'song' about a pimp and his hookers won 'Best Song'. But hey, that's just me.

March 8, 2006

I watched the Oscars Sunday evening for the first time ever. Of course, I had an ulterior motive in hoping Felicity Huffman would win 'best actress' for 'Transamerica'. Although I was hoping she would, I was not surprised she didn't.

That fact does not diminish the impact this motion picture has in portraying a transsexual as simply a person who is seeking happiness. As Dolly Parton sings, "questions I have many, answers but a few". How true that is, and applies to all of us. (although oftentimes we won't admit we have more questions than answers)

The impact of this movie was demonstrated by the Larry King show a couple weeks ago, in which there were a number of transsexual panelists. There have been others. It may not be an overstatement to say we took a quantum leap in outreach.


With my change in employment, there is only one of the old 'gang' with whom I'm keeping in touch. We spoke today and will meet for lunch one day soon.

'Getting on with it'

In my post of January 1st, I spoke of the new year as the end of the beginning. I didn't know the future would come upon me so quickly.

After Christmas, I wrote of Melanie caring for Jean, an elderly lady whom she met at a senior center. Jean became very ill Feb. 1st. Melanie kept her vow to Jean and stayed by her side in the hospital. As I watched Jean's life slip away, I emotionally relived my own mother's death six years ago, as did Melanie. Jean's room was only a few doors from mom's room.

In those days and hours, there is time for personal reflection. Melanie whispered in Jean's ear that it was okay to 'let go'. The dear woman did let go the morning of Feb. 4th.

It occurred to me that 'letting go' can have many meanings throughout a lifetime. There are times when we must 'let go' friends, family, possessions, careers and eventually, even life itself. In 'letting go' we often gain much more than we have lost. I have no doubt that in 'letting go', Jean is now with our Heavenly Father.

I underwent a job change in the month of February. I had been in an extremely stressful situation the last several years. During the evening of Feb. 2nd, in the darkened hospital room, I realized the old saying about the 'final straw' was gradually taking shape at my workplace. I thought of the lessons of 9/11, of which I speak so often; time is such a precious commodity and it is incumbent upon each of us to live life to it's fullest. I realized in those wee hours that it was time for me to 'let go'.

The next morning, I tendered my resignation. I was able to take a month off work and have arranged new employment.

Today as I was leaving church, I asked myself if life could get any better for me than it is right now. I have no doubt I made the right decision, irrespective of change never being easy for me. I do believe life will get even better. There are goals yet to be achieved.


The evening of January 31st, I and three other members of Kappa Beta, a support group, visited a sociology class at The University of North Carolina at Charlotte. This continues a tradition begun by another member 15 years ago. In his opening remarks, the professor spoke of a phone call he received almost 16 years ago. The caller asked the professor if he was versed on transgender issues. In the last 15 years, countless students know a great deal more about a subject which remains an enigma to so many.

During those remarks, I found myself wondering how many students have been shown we are not what you see on Jerry Springer. I wondered how many young people were dealing with the very issues of guilt and self doubt that we have, and were given hope.

I probably too often use the analogy that 'we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us'. It happens to be true. That phone call by Bobbi Renee, almost 16 years ago, began an outreach that continues today.

The class visit probably meant more to us than it did to most of the students. There are countless others in our community doing infinitely more in the way of education and outreach than we did. The level of acceptance we enjoy today is sum total of effort by many unsung men and women. It is an awesome feeling to be even a small part of that sum total.

Each of us gave a short presentation on our lives, followed by a question and answer session with the students. We were extremely well received and were able to visit personally with several students after class.

Go Panthers!

Only a personal note this evening, Go Panthers! I had a bad feeling about the Giants going into the game yesterday, but John Fox had the guys ready. Only two games away from the Super Bowl!

The End of the Beginning

2005 was a good year for me. It was a time of new friendships, reconciliation with family members and a realization of the things in life that count most. The year was not without a good portion of disappointments, but no life is without failure and stumbling. Without these valleys, we would not appreciate the peaks.

When my separation took place in 2001, Melanie gave me a plaque that simply stated "if we cannot find peace within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elswhere". I feel an inner peace which was not there at this time last year. It is a feeling life is on the right course. It is a good feeling.

I have never made new years resolutions. I never keep them anyway, and they are largely forgotten by the middle of January.

Rather, as I reflect on the past year, and the things for which I am thankful, the course becomes clear for the coming year.

There is much to appreciate. I have some of the most amazing friends a person could hope for. I had a thorough physical last spring, including a stress test. The results were perfect, allowing me to make some definitive plans for the continuation of life's journey.

I made a quantum leap in electrolysis in '05. I truly believe I have found the premier electrologist on this planet, perhaps even the universe......if electrolysis is even necessary elsewhere in the universe. She has the URL to my website, so if she should read this, she already knows how much she is appreciated.

A church home is very important to me. After much searching, I recently joined the United Church of Christ. The motto of UCC, "God Is Still Speaking", is very relevant. As I said in a previous post, I have come to the realization that if I live my life as a Christian first, and a transexual secondly, those things which are right and good will be achieved......and there is much to be achieved.

I view new years eve as 'the end of the beginning'. Life until this day is the beginning. Now the beginning has ended, and the future is at hand.

Let's get on with it.

"Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."
Helen Keller