December 1, 2008

Today is World Aids Day. Two friends and I went downtown at noon to pay respects during the ceremony and reading of the names. A church service was held this evening.

Naturally I thought of The Transgender Day of Remembrance and our reading of names. If we are to become one community, and I believe we must, all segments of that community need to be supportive of each other.

Many years ago there was debate about the wisdom of the transgender community aligning with the LGB community. You still hear it occasionally. What I thought of that issue now or then d0es not matter. It's been done and we'd best realize we are eternally classified as one community. I guess you could say we are joined at the hip. We need to be joined at the heart.

We are certainly not at the forefront of that goal in NC, but I believe we are doing better. I found it noteworthy that we had more gay and straight allies attend our event than we did transgender people. I have to admit that gives me reason to think we have some work to do in motivating our own people.

Thanksgiving

It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is already over and Christmas season is here. This is positively my favorite time of the year.

I had Thanksgiving dinner with Melanie and her family, as we usually do. She always has a turkey and a ham, plus all the other side dishes. I wrote about her knee surgeries earlier this year. All the work getting ready for dinner didn't help her. She is in a lot of pain this evening.

I always liked going to the parade in Charlotte, which was sort of a mini version of Macy's. I watched on TV this year and it was actually well done. There was a lot of diversity which reflects the climate of our city. I thought of the diversity in our community and some things we could do in the way of future education and outreach, but that's another story.

Anyway, there was a Mariachi band in the line up. You know how they have a prearranged stop in front of the cameras. I swear, the trumpet player took a phone call during their prime time stop. It was one of those moments where you feel sorry for them missing their opportunity, but still comical in it's way.

After The Day of Remembrance ceremonies last week coming so close to the holidays, I've thought a lot about people in our community who are isolated. Especially in these economic times, there are people close by who have lost everything. I made a post elsewhere this week that, if you find yourself in crisis, do not hesitate to call someone. This is what the emergency people are trained to do and there is no shame in seeking help.

The names we read last week were the tip of the iceberg in terms of wrecked lives and suicide. The tragedy would be for one more life to not be all it could be. I just encourage anyone who needs help, don't be afraid to seek it. Do whatever it takes to survive, but above all else, survive.

It is not logical for a human being to be rejected only because of who they are, but it remains the reality for all too many. The murders this year were often due to someone's fear of anyone different from their version of normal.

In a sense, the same principle applies when LGBT people are rejected by family and coworkers. Why people find it hard to accept that which is different from them, I will never understand. I still maintain the answer lies in pride in who we are and the ultimate removal of the mask many of us are forced to wear. The thing about wearing a mask, people may not be able to see into the real you, but it prevents the real you from seeing out.

November 23, 2008

The Transgender Day of Remembrance is always emotional for me, but this year it was overwhelming. One of our members had a cake made with the names of the victims thus far in 2008, with special tribute to Sean Kennedy. I found myself thinking all day of people I knew years ago who are no longer with us.

After the speeches, including Elke Kennedy, we had an outdoor candlelight vigil followed by a reading of the names, accompanied by a chime after each name was read. Emotional does not describe it.

Special thanks go to the leaders at The Lesbian & Gay Community Center. Their cooperation was amazing and will not be forgotten. As I said Thursday evening, as far as I'm concerned, we're family.

Saturday was a women's business bazaar at the center. I met some nice people and got an idea or two about something I want to do in the future.

Two months ago, Elke had asked if I would serve on the board of directors of Sean's Last Wish. Naturally I told her I would be honored. There is so much important outreach to be accomplished and I can think of no one whom I would be more honored to stand beside.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance

The observance in Charlotte will be this evening at 7:30. I invite anyone who feels so led to watch the following videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s05LdQTUk6k&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUhZzvBiv4Y&feature=related

May there come a day when there will be no new names to be read.

November 16, 2008

Yesterday was an all day meeting of the S.C. Progressive network in Columbia. This is an organization comprised of 59 other activist groups. There were all day speakers on topics ranging from the environment, legal issues and LGBT rights.
Elke was presented the Thunder & Lightning award Saturday evening, which was well deserved.

At 1 PM, a number of us drove to the SC State Capitol for the demonstration against Prop 8. It's always good to feed off the energy from these events and this was no exception. There was a similar demonstration in Charlotte, but I've not figured how to be in two places at once yet.

Something occurred to me that has been discussed within the transgender community by a number of people I respect and admire. We are proud to stand with our gay friends in the cause for equal rights. As we approach The Transgender Day of Remembrance, the reality is that people in all segments of the LGBT community are being murdered out there.

There was a vigil in Memphis, TN today for Duanna Johnson, the most recent transgendered human being who was murdered. Read about it here. Her funeral was this past Friday.

Issues as basic as the right to exist, or the right to employment are on a par with equal marriage legislation. We are getting total support from the Gay & Lesbian Community Center in Charlotte. I personally view this as one of the more positive signs I've seen, perhaps ever. They are doing an email blast tomorrow to get the word out about our ceremony Thursday evening. Pretty awesome!

Until each of us comes to the realization that we have more commonalities than disparities, we will never reach our full potential either as individuals, or as a community.

Some say trans people don't 'get' gay people and vice versa. The needs are so great, we would do well to learn to 'get' each other. The answer is within us; it is we who chose our destiny and no one else.

Anyhow, I got home a little before midnight, in time to bake a casserole for a potluck lunch after church service this morning.

November 12, 2008

The Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies in Charlotte have been finalized. You can click on the flyer to enlarge.

Elke Kennedy will speak during the event. We are fortunate and honored to have her.

We will have another name to read that evening, Duanna Johnson of Memphis, TN was found murdered this past Sunday evening. She is the transgender woman who was victim of police brutality this past July. The video is not fun to watch. You can read about the murder here. The list of names was already far too long to even contemplate.

This past Saturday evening was the Fall Soiree of PFLAG Salisbury. Proceeds from the event went to their scholarship fund. This chapter has come to mean a lot to me and I'm a proud member. Elke, Jim and their friend Leslie came to Salisbury after their training. Elke was invited to speak and of course was as powerful as always.

Stop The Hate - Nov 7, 2008

This evening was the Matthew Shephard Stop The Hate concert at UNCC. Elke and Jim are in Charlotte several days for the training session. We had dinner last night; the concert was this evening.

The concert was to commemorate last month's tenth anniversary of Matthew Shephard's murder. Elke and Jim were recognized during the evening for their work in Sean's Last Wish. Even during the concert, people come up to Elke just to share a word or a hug. There is no way to calculate the number of lives she and Jim have touched in the last year and a half.

The purpose of the training sessions is to train the trainers as activists on college campuses and elsewhere. In 20-2o hindsight, I wish I had signed up for the training.

I'm just like anyone else, I get caught up in living my own life along with the accompanying daily drama, and my life has had it's share this year. I even find myself concerned about the drama in support groups, something that has absolutely no useful purpose I can think of.

Then I enjoy an evening at the Matthew Shephard concert, spend time networking with other like minded people and realize this and the people in the LGBT community who are persecuted only because of 'being' is all that really matters. My batteries must not have been too low because they are fully charged early on a Saturday morning.

November 5, 2008

Last night was our class at the university. We've been having a panel discussion with a human sexuality class for quite a number of years. It's been my pleasure to be coordinator the last several years. It's always good to bring people who are doing this the first time. No one has ever been sorry they came. This visit, one of our gentleman members attended. I was proud of Leigh for doing this. He, and everyone did a great job as always.

Weekend before last, I was invited to a wedding reception for Connie, one of the girls I worked with. It was good seeing her and Regina again. I've put up a photo we took. You can click to enlarge.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is planning our event for The Transgender Day of Remembrance November 20th. Details to follow, but this event should be well attended. The community center in Charlotte is working with us in a major way to promote this. I believe this will be a time of relationship building with them. I can easily envision our organization meeting there in the near future.

We are quickly outgrowing our current meeting place. The conference table was full this past Saturday evening, with people taking seats behind the table. We never expected this kind of growth, but it is of no surprise. As with anything worthwhile, you find a need and then fill it.

one year later

Tomorrow is exactly one year since my facial surgery. It has made life much easier, so I would definitely do it again. I have thought of posting photos the day after surgery, but I can't bring myself to do it. I never knew it was possible to feel so horrible for so long, although they said I did great. The chin implant has helped round out my face; at least I think it has. You know you look bad when you get up in the morning, the cat takes a look at you and promptly throws up. That did happen.

My friend Roberta was on a panel discussion at Queens University in Charlotte last week. There was a showing of 'For The Bible Tells Me So'. There was a panel discussion afterward on what the bible says about homosexuality. As always, being transgender would not have been mentioned until Roberta volunteered for the panel. She did a great job.

I'm doing a corporate presentation in a couple weeks. I enjoy events like this so much and always look forward to the event when the time comes. We have a planning session tomorrow.

Elizabeth Birch at UNCC

Former Human Rights Campaign director, Elizabeth Birch spoke at The University of North Carolina at Charlotte last evening. Her speech evidenced her devotion to the cause of human dignity and was well received.

As I was expecting, the subject of The Employment Non Discrimination Act (ENDA) came up. How could it not? She pointed out they were within one vote of passing ENDA in 1995.

During the post event reception, I was able to speak with her one on one. She is as appalled as anyone over the rift between HRC and the transgender community. Her comments about imploring Barney Frank to support a trans inclusive ENDA were interesting.

It would not serve well for me to make a lengthy commentary on ENDA. Donna Rose, a former HRC board member has done a better job of maintaining a timeline than anyone I know of.

Elke Kennedy has been interviewed by GLAAD. You can read the interview here. The energy and courage of this woman continue to amaze me. I'm proud to call her my friend.

If you go the GLAAD blog home page, another transgender woman was murdered in August. She passed away August 30th. Nakhia Williams will be another human being to be remembered on The Transgender Day of Remembrance next month.

my daughter's wedding

I don't write a lot about my personal life, except for the nut in the gas line last week. However, my daughter was married yesterday.

This was one of the more emotional times I've had this year, and I've already had a few. I had not seen either of my children in several years. I truly hope this is the start of a new relationship. There are a myriad of issues to discuss and begin to heal. The real healing will begin with only one word.......love.

Her husband is a fine young man, in the Army and will begin his second tour in Iraq October 17th. I thanked him for for what he has done for us and am proud for him to be my son in law.

My son's brother in law is a Marine, having joined the service earlier this year. As I spoke with him, the pride in his voice and his demeanor was palpable. These are people to be proud of.

My ex wife and I were cordial, which is no small thing. She probaby would not believe how I have worried about her, although I have.

I have to also admit I never knew I had so many tears to cry, but that's okay. Tears bring a healing in many ways.

I don't always agree with people in the transgender community why try to reconstruct their past. I respect their decision because this is an individual choice and we do what we must to survive. However, in my view, we are all the sum total of everything we have ever done or been. I will always be a father, and proudly so. It is part of who I am. Everyone changes as a person over time, some of us moreso than others, which is putting it mildly. This part of me will never change. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding we have always been who we are; only the outward appearance changes.

Nuts in Charlotte

The gas situation in the southeast is insane. More specifically, some folks in Charlotte are insane. I found fuel yesterday with only two people ahead in line. I thought, how cool is this? A guy in a Mercedes creeped out his door, moseyed over to the pump and suddenly realized he just might need his debit card.

He fumbled through his wallet and laid out all the cards on the trunk. Having found the treasured debit card, he realized he would need a PIN number. He fumbled a while longer while folks in line were running on fumes. You would have thought the guy was playng Solitaire on the top of that trunk lid. He finally got lucky and picked the right card, then gave me a smile.

I wondered to myself what he would say if I took out a baseball bat and asked him the eternal riddle: What happens when you hit a Mercedes with a ball bat? Answer -- The Mercedes Bends.

I gotta get in anger management.

Pride = Dignity

This was NC Pride weekend in Durham, NC, held on the campus of Duke University. I drove up with my friends Elke and Jim to help with their booth, Sean's Last Wish. Elke spoke at noon and was inspirational, as always. When she talks to people about her son, they are often moved to tears. No one can deliver the message the way a mother can.

It was a totally great day. As I've said, these events are unique in their own way with a certain energy about them. If my enthusiasm is low when I come, which it seldom is, these days always charge me up.

I met my friends Pastor Mike and Sister Katherine from The Church of The Painted Sky in Lumberton, NC. They joined our Carolina TLGB Christians online group the week it was formed. Their messages and prayers have meant a lot to us.

You always run into friends you haven't seen in a while. I met my dear friends Rachael, Victoria and her dear wife, Susan (Sunshine). Victoria and Susan will move home to Canada soon, but will aways be my friends. They have left a legacy in North Carolina with Durham Gender Alliance, which is growing weekly.

I had not planned to march in the parade, but I linked up with new friends from The United Church of Chapel Hill, NC. They are part United Church of Christ, so it was like coming home to friends I was meeting for the first time. They were so nice, they gave me one of their t-shirts. It was cool they were at the beginning of the parade. I got goose bumps as we marched along with crowds five people deep in some places waving and cheering. The parade itself was a half mile long. The march was a couple miles through downtown Durham.

As always, there was a block long row of protestors. I always enjoy looking them in the eye and giving them a word of encouragement. Mostly I don't get a friendly look back.

This takes me to the title of this post. I have uploaded a bunch of photos from the event. You can see them here. In photo #24, the banners say "Break the Cycle of Silence, Discrimination and Injustice by Living Your Truth". That one statement sums up the day. Pride = Dignity.

It will never cease to amaze me that people have a hard time accepting what they do not understand. There were people this weekend who did not completely get me, or perhaps I do not understand them. Yet, when you walk into the venue, you feel like you've come home.

This is why Elke Kennedy must fight for justice and tolerance. She lost her son only because of who he was. How many times in our day to day lives do we judge others or give only a tacit acceptance to others who are different from our perception of normal? Do we have to completely understand each other to accept each other?

The answer is, no we do not. This is one reason hatred exists within the LGBT community towards what they perceive as 'the church'. A protester yesterday held a sign that said, "You deserve hell". See photo #42. I have seen hatred before. I don't think I've seen it sink that low until yesterday. (You can click on the photos to enlarge)

We hear people ask why someone would choose such a lifestyle. Would anyone actually make a conscious decision to live a life in which they would be forced to hide who they are for a lifetime for fear of losing family, home, friends or career?

It is true the LGB community does not always 'get' the transgender segment and often vice versa, but this is the one thing we do have in common......the reality of the possibility of being stereotyped, marginalized and ostracized.....or subjected to violence only because of who we are.

Jenny Boylan said the one thing we have in common with the gay community is we get beaten up by the same people. There is certainly a grain of truth in that, but I think it goes much deeper. The Transgender of Day of Remembrance will be held November 20th. As long as the cycle of ignorance breeding fear, which breeds hatred which breeds violence exists, there will always be a need for a day of remembrance.

There will never be a shortage of hurting people to encourage one at a time, nor a shortage of causes for which to stand up. Nothing is more important.

Towards Building a Welcoming Church

The conference this past weekend on "Towards Building a Welcoming Church" was precisely what I needed. It was a time of worship, learning, networking and refocusing. I met some wonderful people, many of whom I want to get to know better.

The good people at Wake Forest Divinity School were gracious hosts. I might add their cafeteria is beyond awesome. Some of us agreed we could dine there every day.

It was an opportunity for me to focus on outreach outside the transgender community itself, valuable though that is. As I said earlier, so many churches have turned away the people it should be reaching out to in earnest. The days were rather long, but it was a totally unique experience. The worship time at the end of each day was very moving. You may want to visit The Institute For Welcoming Resources, sponsored by The Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

Unfortunately I had to miss the LGBT Healthfair Saturday morning which I was instrumental in organizing. Our CGA folks stepped up and handled the booth. We even picked up a new member as a result of this event.

I also had to miss The Farewell To Summer Party at The Van Landingham Estate. This is one of the major events of the year and I'm sure I would have met some amazing people there also. However the insight I gained Friday through Sunday at the conference overshadowed everything.


Most of my friends know by now I left my previous employer last month. It was on the very best of terms, but was also one of the more difficult events of my lifetime. It can never be an easy thing to leave people you have come to care about. It's impossible to work with so many people for so many years without developing a genuine respect and even love.

I especially have a profound respect for our management in this company. These are good people who will always have a special place in my heart. If you read this, you already know these things and that I wish each and every one of you the very best as you move forward in your own life journeys.

Crisis - the book

I meant to post a link earlier to a new book titled 'Crisis'. It details the lives of a number of victims of hate crimes and how their families dealt with the loss. There is a section on Sean Kennedy. If you are inclined to buy this book, a purchase through Sean's Last Wish will donate a portion of the proceeds to the foundation.

Speaking of which, I'm planning to drive to Pride Raleigh Sept. 27 with my friend Elke and her husband. We will leave Friday to be rested for a long day at the Pride event. Each of these events is unique. Elke has been given a speaking slot, as well she should. For me, this will be another time of charging my batteries and networking with a whole new group of people. I do enjoy these events so much. I'm sure I will see many acquaintances and friends from the Raleigh/Durham area.

I was given an opportunity to attend a conference titled 'On Becoming A Welcoming Church' this coming Friday through Sunday at the Wake Forest Divinity School in Winston Salem, NC.

Even though I will miss several events in Charlotte this weekend, this is a unique opportunity and one I do not want to miss. Our Charlotte Gender Alliance folks will handle our booth at the LGBT Healthfair Saturday. I wanted to attend the Farewell To Summer Party Saturday evening, but as I said, the conference must come first.

We hear so often about people who have been turned away by their own churches, it becomes easy to overlook those chuches that have had the courage to become Open & Affirming. So many in the LGBT community are ostracized by the very churches that should be welcoming. There is an increasing number of Open & Affirming churches. The courage of each church leader and congregation should be honored. The result of that courage will have a ripple effect through time. When any effort is made to educate and encourage, it must come before anything else. Nothing is more important. God loves each of us more than we can imagine; a hurting world needs that message.

The fact this conference will encourage other churches to become 'ONA' is an overwhelming thought.

Sept. 13, 2008

I've often thought a most unique act would be a transgender ventroliquist. I mean, how many have you seen? Actually there are a few.

Terri Rogers of Great Britain (1937-1999) was one of the best. You can view a clip of her on Youtube here. Excuse the somewhat salty language at the beginning. There just aren't many transgender ventriloquists

I've thought about doing a ventriloquist act at one of the Christmas parties this year. It would certainly go over better than my ABBA routine last year. I've already written an act that Melanie thinks is hilarious. I wonder if she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Nah, couldn't be that.


I know I've talked a lot about leadership and the meaning thereof. I have seen so many times over the years when people pay lip service to the cause of human dignity, yet let the message become about them and what they have done. I've seen good people whose passion has grown to the point it overwhelms a group and drains energy that could be used in other outreach efforts.

I found the following lines on inner peace which I would like to share here. In it's simplicity, it says volumes.

By Thomas Merton:

"It is useless to try to make peace with ourselves by being pleased with everything we have done. In order to settle down in the quiet of our own being we must learn to be detached from the results of our own activity. We must withdraw ourselves to some extent, from effects that are beyond our control and be content with the good will and the work that are the quiet expression of our inner life. We must be content to live without watching ourselves live, to work without expecting an immediate reward, to love without an instantaneous gratification, and to exist without any special recognition."

August 25, 2008

My birthday was yesterday. As a treat, Melanie took me to see Mama Mia this afternoon. Being the ABBA fan that I am, I thought this movie was absolutely wonderful.

As I listened to Meryl Streep singing Waterloo, I found myself wondering why my German rendition of Waterloo wasn't that big a hit at one of the Christmas parties last year. I asked myself if it could be a lack of talent, but of course I quickly realized what a silly thought that was.

There will be another name to remember during the Transgender Day of Remembrance November 20th. Angie Zapata was found murdered in her Greely, CO apartment last month. Donna Rose spoke at the vigil and wrote of it more eloquently than I possibly could. Read it here.

For every battered body, we will never know the number of battered souls who are bullied or harrassed. As I've written often, it's not only transgender or gay people. It's anyone who is harrassed for no reason other than who they are.

People sometimes talk about the transgender lifestyle, or the gay lifestyle or any lifestyle which deviates from the perceived 'norm', as though it were a choice. Would any sane person choose to live a life in which they have to hide the core of who they are from the rest of the world? Who would choose a life that could mean losing everyone they care about?

How ironic that to gain self respect, some must first lose everything. This is the reality for many in our community.

August 24, 2008

Melanie felt well enough to come to church this morning. She's missed lately due to all the surgery. Everyone was glad to have her back.

My good friend, Angela Brightfeather is vice president of Transgender American Veterans Association. I became very acquainted with the president, Monica Helms during Angela's Educational Initiative in Charlotte at the HRC gala this past February. Both these ladies are the real deal. They have my utmost respect.

There has been a White Paper prepared on the state of transgender veterans affairs for TAVA and the Palm Center at The University of California, Santa Barbara. Angela sent me a copy of this survey in pdf format last week. You can visit The Transgender American Veterans website and read the entire survey. For anyone so inclined, click on 'survey results' and you will see a link to the pdf file.

When we hear of veterans in general who are receiving neither the treatment nor the respect they deserve, it comes as no surprise transgender veterans would be no exception. HRC ran a 'backstory' piece on the survey which you can read here. Angela also let me know a copy of this survey has been placed in the hands of certain members of congress who will be on the floor at the Democratic National Convention in CO this coming week and are members of The House Committee on Veterans' Affairs.

Angela and I go back many years, more than we sometimes admit. We don't always agree, but we have agreed more than once the respect we share will never go away. When you have the common roots we do, it becomes almost like blood.

This survey shows us again there will never be a shortage of injustices or causes in the quest for human dignity. It becomes natural most of our focus is on transgender issues, but it goes far deeper than even that.

Human dignity is the one cause that must never take a back seat to any group or person. I get nuts when I see self promotion become more important than the common goal. Angela knows I was not speaking of her in my remarks on leadership in the previous post. If you happen to read this and wonder if I am talking about you, I probably am.

August 16, 2008

Melanie had surgery on her right knee this past Wednesday. I spoke with the surgeon and this one seems to have turned out better than the left knee on June 21. She's home resting, but feeling a lot of pain. The partial replacement of the left knee will likely happen soon. The poor girl is running out of knees.

My dear friend Lori Anne is again video blogging on Youtube. In view of the broken marriages and what often place between families and friends, this is worth viewing. Relationships do not have to dissolve merely because a person decided to become a whole person, rather than just walking through life. You can see it here.

There is occasional discussion in the community about leadership and activism. I think they have commonalities, but are not necessarily the same.

Is a leader not someone who sets an example for others by the way he/she treats others?

To be first, one must first become the least. To be looked up to, one must first be looked down upon. We speak of our abhorring labels. Yet, some of us may seek the label of 'leader', which is perhaps the least desired label of all. It is in embracing the term that we may become least effective as a genuine leader.

In large measure, it is part of the eternal conundrum. The greater our quest, whether through a misplaced sense of altruism or self promotion, the less our chance becomes of providing what our world needs, people who can lift up each other, rather than talking down to them; people who can look someone in the eye and tell them it really is okay to be who they are, rather than talking about their own accomplishments.

August 8, 2008

Anyone who has known me more than five minutes also knows my dear friend Melanie. Each of us has a thing for Wizard of Oz. Five years ago, during my divorce and other issues, she gave me a pair of Ruby Slippers, as a reminder that your dreams really can come true.

During dinner the other night, she had a surprise, a Dorothy watch for each of us. On the face is Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road and a little ruby slipper charm hanging from the face. It's totally beyond cool. Not that anyone would necessarily want to, but you can see it here.

Melanie is having surgery on her right knee this coming Wednesday, after having surgery on the left knee last month. Even though she's home right now, people are still drawn to her for encouragement. It's quite amazing.

This coming September 20th in Charlotte is an LGBT Healthair sponsored by HRC. It will be an all encompassing event for the community. From a transgender perspective, we have a laser technician, an electrologist (some people think they are the same), a medical doctor and a psychologist. There are simultaneous events taking place in Greensboro and Raleigh.

I'm already taking a lot of criticism for working with HRC, even on the local level. A number of these people are my friends and I will always work with them.

There are so many pressing issues in the community. I understand about the HRC/ENDA debacle, but I see people using certain forums to advance their personal agenda. HRC seems to have become the topic du jour. I think it's to the point some people are playing a one note symphony. Maybe it's time to get the rest of the sheet music.

Charlotte Gender Alliance this past Saturday was one of the more energy filled meetings I've ever attended. We had 25 people for the meeting and 14 for dinner. As the group grows, we are going to need a larger meeting space and perhaps consider splitting into two groups, taking a break halfway through and then mingling into two new groups. That way everyone interacts with everyone else. This is not a problem or, if it is, it's the kind we like to have.

Pride Charlotte

Saturday was a wonderful day. We had plenty of volunteers for our Charlotte Gender Alliance booth. I uploaded some photos in my webshots albumn. You can see them here. I have to admit it really got to me when I saw our newer people handing out flyers and engaging in outreach themselves. They were looking people in the eye and telling them you are welcome to meet with us no matter who you are. Pretty awesome!

I spoke around 12:30. I always spend a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts before I speak. A friend who is virtually a professional photographer took the above photo with a telephoto lens. I think I like this photo because it shows me actually thinking for a change. You can click on it to enlarge.

My dear friend, Elke Kennedy spoke at 1PM. As usual, it was an honor to be in the same venue with her. You have seen me write of her often. She is the founder of Sean's Last Wish. If anyone charges my batteries, Elke definitely does.

I've changed my normal protocol and decided to post the text of my remarks from Saturday. Each word was carefully chosen, including my reference to self promotion at the expense of others. You can read the text here.

July 24, 2008

A transwoman is filing suit after being terminated from her job with the Georgia General Assembly. Read about it here. She has about as much chance winning that suit as the Panthers do the Super Bowl this year.

This is the reality in our world and is why a trans inclusive ENDA is so important. Many have, and continue to fight long and hard. It is not lost on many of us that Barney Frank said last fall that more education is needed. So far, we mostly have a lot of sniping back and forth within the transgender community about who was, or was not at fault.

The immediate task is to let society see TG people are just like anyone else who wants no more than to be who they are. Events like Pride Saturday give us a chance to educate our own 'community'. How ironic in many ways.

July 22, 2008

Tomorrow evening is the transgender event for Pride Charlotte Week. There is a showing of the motion picture, Southern Comfort . This is a documentary which chronicles the last days of Robert Eades, a transman living in Georgia. His goal was to live long enough to speak at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta. He achieved his goal.

Dinner is being served, followed by a group discussion. We already have nine members of Charlotte Gender Alliance attending this showing.

July 20, 2008

Next weekend is Pride Charlotte. Charlotte Gender Alliance is in the process of lining up volunteers to work the booth in two hour shifts. Considering the heat, even two hours may be a stretch. One of our members created a 6' long, 2' high banner. I was moved to tears when I saw this, as it incuded our diversity statement which captures the essence of who we are as an organization, and hopefully of my life as an individual. If you click on the photo above, it will enlarge. I thought it was totally awesome.

This years' theme is 'Live, Love, Be', my three favorite subjects. I have written about the rate of hate crime violence many times. The rate of depression, suicidal ideation and even suicide itself is astronomical in the transgender community. It does not have to be. My message will be very simplistic, it's okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. The thing about love, you first must love yourself as you were created in order to share it with others.

As always, our task is that of education, both the gays inside the venue and the protestors outside. If the two ladies I met last year happen to read this, please do stop by and see us. My respect for you is greater than I can convey. I'm sure you already know that.

I'm scheduled to speak at 12:20. Elke Kennedy is speaking at 1PM, followed by my a civil war costume presentation by my friend, Stephanie Marie.

Today was a puppet show for the children at church. It was a lot of fun doing this. The topic of our presentation was 'courage', which is one of my overriding issues these days.

After service, we had a ground breaking ceremony for the new building addition, followed by a pot luck lunch. It was a wonderful day.

Yesterday was the Kappa Beta support group meeting in Charlotte. I was torn between going to this meeting and driving to Asheville for an event there. I am honored to have a friend in Elke Kennedy, Sean Kennedy's mother. She was attending, along with my friends from PFLAG Salisbury.

I mostly needed some extra sleep yesterday morning, so I stayed in Charlotte for the meeting. I will see them at Pride next Saturday. I plan to work both the Charlotte Gender Alliance and PFLAG booth at various times Saturday.

I wrote some time ago about an outreach effort to a large NC based corporation. Last month, they wrote non harrassment based upon gender identity into their EEO statement. I have now learned they are within two weeks of adding gender identity into their EEO statement. This is major! The importance could not be overstated! It will impact many areas of the southeast and will literally be life changing to both the employees and the communities they serve. They will be driven to the top echelon of the HRC Employer Index.

I told them I woud not make the announcement until all the vice presidents have signed off, but the commitments are in place. This outreach began in February 2007 and has been ongoing. The good thing about outreach, you not only accomplish important goals, you make some real friends. If my friends happen to read this, you know how proud I am of you. I will see you at your Pride booth next Saturday as well.

I have mentioned Elke Kennedy a number of times. There was a memorial service in Greenville, SC for her son on May 16, the first anniversary of his murder. Anniversary is such a poor choice of words.

After Elke's remarks at a park in downtown Greenville, we walked across a foot bridge and tossed daisys in the river below as a memorial to Sean. During he ceremony, Elke saw a white dove fly by, which seems quite significant.

After the event, I lingered on the bridge watching the sunset. I saw the picnickers below and wondered if they realized a woman was up here who had lost her son only because of who he was. I looked at the wide chasm between the two sides of the river. It made me think again of the chasm that exists between the LGBT community and the church. So many people are ostracized from the very institutions which should be most supportive. To that end, we have created an online group called TLGB Christians. We had considered being transgender inclusive only, but then we would doing the very thing against which we preach, leaving others out. Thus, everyone is welcome. This may be the most important group of all. A secular support group can change people during this life. Accepting our Savior will save us for eternity.

I mention this because I was asked this morning if I would take the position of Open and Affirming Coordinator within our church. Of course I will, but the depth of the need is so great, I'm not sure any of us is fully aware.

Lots going on this last month. I still wonder if anyone actually reads this blog, but I do need to make regular updates. I keep saying that, but living a life takes so much time.

May 2008

A friend and I went to the Charlotte Roller Girls roller derby bout this month. It was a lot of fun and the girls let fans come down to the floor after the bout for autographs and photos. You can click on the photo to enlarge. I'm sure we'll be going back.

There's a lot of things about me that my friends don't know. That should be a good attention grabber.

I have an obsession with the history of professional wrestling. I don't mean the stuff we see these days, but beginning in the early 1900's, through the carnival days and up to around 1984. And yes, I know how it all works and all the terms. I've considered writing a book on the subject. But I digress.

Penny Banner was a top female wrestler for several decades. I was fortunate to become acquainted with her during her retirement years. Penny passed away two weeks ago after a long fought battle with cancer. I had transferred some old Super 8 movies I had to video tape for her. She added some footage of her wrestling in Madison Square Garden, along with an interview. It's one of my prized possessions. Her real name was Mary Ann. To me, she will always be Penny. http://www.bannerdays.com/

Charlotte Gender Alliance is one year old. This time last year, we had no idea we would be the group we are today. We knew something like this was needed and we were proven right. A lot of our success comes from a number of non TG supporters. They know who they are and we appreciate them.

May 10, 2008

Lots going on these last couple weeks. Elke Kennedy, mother of Sean Kennedy spoke at CGA last weekend. Rather than for me to inadequately try and find words, you can visit their website, Sean's Last Wish There are certain people with whom I am honored to be in the same room. Elke is one of those people. There will be a candlelight vigil May 16 in Greenville, SC to honor Sean's life. I plan to be there.

The first time I heard Elke speak was the day of the HRC dinner in Charlotte this past February. We had a session with the Campus Pride men and women. That evening, she was presented with the Human Rights Campaign Equality Award.

This is one of those cases when from the most horrific tragedy imaginable, can come an outreach that lasts beyond a lifetime. The rate of violence against the LGBT community has been escalating in recent months. That cycle of ignorance breeding hatred can only be stopped by us.

The week prior was the NC/SC PFLAG conference in Salisbury, NC. It was a long day, but I learned a lot and met some good people. One of the presentations on chapter building showed me some things we can apply to CGA.

It's time to start planning ahead for Pride Charlotte July 26. CGA will have a table. I'm hoping we can be close to the rear entrance of Starbucks that was such a lifesaver in August last year. I am invited to be one of the speakers. The event last year was a time of meeting acquaintances I hadn't seen in ages. It was like a day long hugfest. I expect this year to be the same. We have a number of CGA folks who will be there.

This is the way we put a face on the transgender community. As I've said, most of the gay community doesn't really get us. Certainly mainstream society doesn't understand us. That's not to say things have not gotten better with the movies and talk shows. The way to gain acceptance is to meet people and let them hear our stories. This is what we are doing, not only at Pride, but other venues.

I talked with my son last week for the first time in almost two years. He's getting married this coming Tuesday. It will be a small ceremony, but I'm hoping guests will be invited, and I will be one of them. There is still a mountain to climb there, but at least I found the mountain.

The National Day of Silence

Tomorrow is the official observance of The National Day of Silence.

Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC held their observance yesterday. I was invited to speak during the ceremonies at 8PM. I always enjoy speaking at events. Each is special in it's own way, as was this one.

This photograph is going to be one of my favorites, not because I am in it, but because of who is in it with me. You can click to enlarge the photo. These are the leaders of Campus Pride at Winthrop University. They invited me to their off campus home for dinner at 5:30 PM. I had met a few of these young people during the HRC gala in February, but these couple hours gave me time to become better acquainted.

I write a lot on this blog about courage and the quest for human dignity. These young men and women have a courage and maturity that many of us older folks would do well to develop.

As much as I enjoyed speaking at the event, spending time with them on a more personal level overshadowed anything else. I have thought all day about the courage it takes to come out in view of the horrific amount of hate crime violence we have seen these last few months.

We talk about being true to yourself and reaching out. These men and women have already learned the lesson. I thought to myself today, they already get it when many of us are still trying to figure it out. I hope my words reflect my admiration for them. I also hope I have an opportunity to see them again. They definitely charged my batteries last night, although some friends think I'm a little too over charged already. I don't think that's a bad thing.

Something else happened last night. There was another speaker who had to cancel at the very last minute. My friend, Stephanie Marie stepped up and got there in plenty of time for the ceremonies. She did an amazing job of impromptu speaking. She was actually quite amazing.

The Campus Pride leaders will probably read this. Thanks to you all for the lessons you teach us old timers.

I don't think I will need physical therapy for my neck after the accident at work. The concussion was apparantly mild because I'm mostly conscious again of what I'm doing, although a couple friends disagree on that. The neck pain is getting better gradually.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is growing faster than I woud have imagined. Our meeting in April was perhaps our best yet. I have reason to believe the May 3rd meeting will be equally powerful.

As I have said, our situation in Charlotte is somewhat unique in that we have two transgender support groups which are mutually supportive of each other. I am a member of Kappa Beta as are many of the folks in Charlotte Gender Alliance. It is often asked if there will ever be real TG Unity, specifically NC TG Unity. I honestly believe we have it in Charlotte. It's pretty awesome.

April 10, 2008

I saw my personal physician this week for a second opinion on the injury I wrote about earlier. As I knew, there is no permanent damage to my noggin, but it's still nice to hear another doctor say it.

I will begin physical therapy for the sprained neck and shoulder. I'm still not where I need to be, but as I told a friend, I've never been where I need to be. It's all relative.

I went to new The Charlotte Gay and Lesbian Community Center open house this evening. Charlotte Gender Alliance has an opportunity for this to be our permanent meeting site. I think it will be perfect, but a group of us will look at it before making a decision.

We are growing to the point our current space, cozy though it is, is getting a little cramped. Not a problem there, we planned to grow and plan to continue.

One of the cool things about these events, you always meet people you have met at other functions. Our guest last week from HRC was also there. It was good seeing her again.

April 6, 2008

Our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting last night was perhaps our most important ever. We had a larger turnout, which is fine, but the energy in the room was amazing.

We invited two local members of HRC. The dialogue we had showed me again we all want the same thing, the right to be who we are. Their participation was more valuable than they may realize. I hope they come back soon.

For anyone who has read previous posts on this and especially other blogs, the ENDA situation is clear. Everyone who knows me, also knows how I feel about unity. It is sitting down with each other over dinner that will enable us to, as the saying goes, 'Be The Change'. I feel stronger about that than ever.

It was not lost on me that along with the two HRC members, we also had two members of the Kappa Beta board of directors present.

We are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way. The unity we had last night sort of got to me. I mean, two support groups in the same city, no competition or dissention, only support......two HRC members being as supportive of us as we were them. I have to admit it was pretty darned cool.

What was not cool was an event at work last Thursday. The bottom section of a roll up door broke off and hit me in the head. I went to the E.R. where they did a CAT scan. The results showed no permanent damange. The E.R. doctor says I have a neck sprain and possible mild concussion.

I'm still having headaches and neck pain. I guess that's no surprise since it's only been four days. I will call my personal physician tomorrow and see how it goes day by day.

April 1, 2008

This past Saturday, a number of transgender people were invited to Greensboro, NC to meet the board members of Equality North Carolina for dialogue. They were very nice people and I really enjoyed meeting them.

I might add I also met some transgender leaders in NC for the first time. This in itself was a good thing. We also began dialogue with each other.

The discussion was pointed at times, but always respectful. Feelings continue to run deep over what took place with HRC, ENDA and a host of other issues.

It would be difficult to reach a concensus on anything in three hours. The one thing in agreement is the need for education, getting to know each other and focusing on our commonalities rather than our differences.

One course we all agreed on would be for board members to visit support groups around NC as they are able. This would put a face on the community and let them hear our stories. The fact is, this is good for any well meaning people and is something we are going to focus on in Charlotte Gender Alliance. Our potential for outreach is unlimited.

I spoke at PFLAG Salisbury last month. I'm going back to join this month, with a few friends coming along with me. This will give them an opportunity to meet two other ENC board members. I think we're off to a pretty good start.

As I said, feelings run very deep over ENDA and HRC. It's no secret to anyone, including the HRC people at the local level. I recently met one of local HRC members, a very nice lady. We have invited her to our meeting this coming Saturday evening.

The bottom line to all this, we speak of embracing diversity. We talk about inclusion and not exclusion. We hand out reams of paper during Pride week about accepting each other. I personally preach being happy with who you are, no matter who you are. Some people are probably tired of hearing it.

I think we're at the point where the rubber meets the road. Either what we preach is true, or it's not. If we are truly open, we will meet with our LGB friends, and also our so called 'straight' allies at every opportunity. They will learn about us and vice versa.

We aren't going to change the world, but we can begin by changing our own outlook. You also meet some pretty cool people doing this.

Speaking of cool people, if the two ladies I dialogued with during Pride and met at the HRC debate happen to read this, I would love to hear from you. You have no idea how much I respect you.

March 25, 2008

A gay person was assaulted with a knife late last week in reasonably close proximity to the venue in which one of our support groups meets. I hear people say any crime is a hate crime.

However, when a hate crime is thus categorized, the opportunity exists to break the cycle of ignorance breeding fear, which breeds hatred, which breeds violence.

This was a gay person. He was still a person. It could as easily have been a trans person.....or any person. We've talked in our group this week about watching out for each other. There already are enough people to be honored on the days set aside.

I'm invited to the board meeting this Saturday of Equality, North Carolina. As I told the people I have spoken with, I'm more a survivor than a leader. In any case, hopefully we can each contribute something to the cause of this organization. Their work is valuable beyond anything we can now realize.

I was talking with friends the other day about possible alternate career paths. One thought is to work with a non profit organization in which diversity is honored. I am also considering laser technician training and training to sit for licensing as a certified nail technician. All these ideas have merit.

Good Friday

I often wonder how many people actually read this blog. In any case, I've spoken a few times recently concerning the ever widening chasm between the LGBT community and what is perceived as 'the church'.

So many people are cut off from the very resources that should be there to help them. Fortunately, an increasing number of churches have made the decision to become all inclusive.

As I read posts on many online groups, the chasm seems to be widening. My friend, Roberta and I have considered an online group for transgender Christians. We realized to be only trans inclusive would be to ostracize the rest of our community.

To that end, we have created Carolina TLGB Christians. The only requirement for joining is to be respectful and have a genuine desire to either listen to the dialogue, or share your own stories and concerns as you feel led. We used 'Carolina', but the inclusivity extends beyond our own borders.

Last Sunday was our church's week to participate in Room In The Inn. This is a time when eight neighbors are invited from the Charlotte Urban Ministry. Each city has such an outreach. There is no greater cause. Wherever you are, your center is deserving of support.

Being who you are

I've talked a lot recently about addressing the perceived rift between the transgender community and the LGB segment. I've talked a lot about addressing the very real rift between the LGBT community and the church.

As the murders continue and bullying is a fact of life for so many in our world, we must realize we have more commonalities than we do disparity. So many wake up each morning wondering if this is the day they will be judged as unacceptable. The murder of Lawrence King in California last month was one more name added to an evergrowing list of people for us to honor.

Let's be honest; transgender people do have commonalities with the LGB community. The fundamental issue is survival. Ellen addressed the Lawrence King murder on a recent program. Please view this segment here.

What she says is very important. Essentially, it is okay to be who you are, no matter who you are. Why that salient fact is not understood, I will never know. Until it is understood, those of us who are able are charged with continuing the education which a number of people in high places think is still necessary.

Ellen DeGeneres response to Sally Kern

Several days ago, Okahoma State Representative Sally Kern expressed her views regarding the so called 'gay agenda'.

I, and others have written reams about the fact gay people in the LGBT community generally do not 'get' transgender people. Barney Frank says 'people of transgender' need to do more education. Thousands of people I honor are doing exactly that.

I believe our pressing need is to address the chasm that exists not only between the Transgender community and the rest of the world (including the church - another issue I will begin addressing soon), but within the LGBT community.

Most of my friends, the finest people I have known in a lifetime, are gay. Ms. Kern is telling us my friends are more dangerous than terrorists

Ellen DeGeneres responded yesterday. Listen to her segment here.

Does anyone think it was easy for Ellen DeGeneres to come out? This woman risked everything to be able to look at herself in the mirror each morning.

One of my closest friends on earth has done more outreach to the elderly and homeless than one could imagine. For her to be addressed as more dangerous than a terrorists brings a simultaneous anger and sadness I cannot even put into words.

Nope, as I said last night, compromise must be forever and absolutely unacceptable.

Charlotte - Mecklenburg School System

This past Tuesday, the Charlotte - Mecklenburg Co. Board of Education approved anti bullying legislation. Read the new policy here.

Do you see anything in this so called new rule about special rights for LGBT students? I see inclusivity. I see it expressed that people have the right to be who they are, no matter who they are. How can they not understand it is about simply being included?

It is incredible some of the speakers that evening equate human dignity with indoctrination. It is sad when a special meeting must be held to provide that which is a fundamental human right.......the right to BE.

We have grown accustomed to hatred and prejudice being a continued reality as we move forward into the 21st century. The lessons of history continue to be abundantly clear. People fear that which they do not understand. People also fear that which they fear becoming.

You may read The Charlotte Observer article here.

Ignorance breeds fear........ which breeds hatred. This is the sole purpose behind every Educational Initiative and any other form of outreach. The cycle of hatred must be broken and that can only begin with each of us.

There have been too many funerals recently for people murdered for simply 'being'. The National Day of Silence next month and The Transgender Day of Remembrance in November should not be necessary.

As long as these days are necessary, compromise is unacceptable.

March 11, 2008

There's not a lot left to say about the HRC/ENDA controversy. The HRC dinner was held in Charlotte Feb. 16. My activist friends Angela Brightfeather and Monica Helms held an Educational Initiative the day of the dinner. We spoke to Campus Pride Saturday morning. After the dinner, we handed out leafelets to the guests as they left. I hear it was a lovely event. This photo was made after we spoke to the Campus Pride group.

This weekend I will attend a laser workshop sponsored by Candela Corporation. I attended a similar event last year and earned a certificate of completion. I am looking at this as one possible answer to the career change I am seeking.

This past Saturday, I was invited to speak to the PFLAG Salisbury/Rowan Co, NC chapter. The good people were nice enough to listen to me for an hour without falling asleep. You can visit their website here. I was very taken with their devotion to the cause of human dignity. I plan to join and become a regular attendee.

Next Sunday our church participates in Room In The Inn. This is an outreach sponsored by Urban Ministry of Charlotte. Eight neighbors are invited to the church for an evening. Melanie and I will prepare an entree and help serve Sunday evening. There is no place I would rather be.

HRC debate Feb. 14, 2008

There was a debate in Charlotte Thursday evening, Feb 14, 2008:

"MEDIA ADVISORY:
Human Rights Campaign to Participate in GLBT Faith Debate
HRC Religion and Faith Director to speak on equality and acceptance
WASHINGTON – The Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, will participate in a dialogue on the Bible, faith and the experience of GLBT Christians and their families. The debate, “A Christian Response to Homosexuality," will include Harry Knox, director of HRC’s Religion and Faith Program, and Dr. Michael Brown, director of the Coalition of Conscience. Knox will bring a message of hope to people of faith and their families by speaking about God's love for all of us in a setting traditionally hostile to GLBT people."


My friend, Roberta and I attended the debate. Actually, it was more a dialogue which was respectfully done and well organized.

The transgender community was not heavily discussed. When it was, it was mostly by Dr. Michael Brown of The Coalition for Conscience. He referred to Gender Identity Disorder, which was of no surprise. If the opportunity had arisen, I would have pointed out that many of us do not consider ourselves trapped, or suffering from a disorder. People have to admit to 'gender identity disorder' to meet the WPATH Standards of Care in order to qualify for hormone therapy and surgery. But I digress. You will note they do not directly allude to the transgender community in their media advisory.

Harry Knox, the HRC representative apologized at the end for not discussing his transgender brothers and sisters more than he did. I don't think they were expecting transgender people to even be there. I'm sure no minds were changed, but a round of applause was offered at the end to the fact these issues were discussed peacefully and respectfully.

Something did happen that took me by surprise. When I worked the NCTGUNITY booth at Pride Charlotte last August, I had the opportunity to dialogue with two ladies of differing opinions than most people there. I won't refer to them as protestors because they were too nice. That has a negative connotation which does not apply to them. The really cool thing, they were at the debate that evening and recognized me. They made their way over to say hi. We had a nice chat and hugged before they left. I gave them my card with the hope we can keep in touch. If they read this post, they know how much I respect them, and that respect is sincere.

I've often thought of the following points; education can take many forms. Most times, it's simply living our lives and being proud of ourselves. We can also make more headway by treating others like we wish to be treated. It's merely a case of keeping human dignity first and foremost in our minds.

Additionally, during Pride Day, most of the people inside the venue also did not fully understand transgender issues. The fact that even our own community doesn't quite get us is at the core of the ENDA controversy. More on that later.

Sometimes I think there are people traveling life's journey parallel to ours. We occasionally come into each others' lives for a reason. In the case of my meeting these two ladies, perhaps it was to show each of us that we have more commonalities than we do differences. We were all there for one reason, we are Christians.

One last observation, walking back to our car, I remarked to Roberta that when I was a kid, I picked up the newspaper one morning and read about a gender variant person who was arrested for wearing clothing of the opposite sex in public...... ..on the very spot we were standing. I understand we have a long ways to go, but we absolutely.. .... positively come a long way since those days. Some of us remember it very personally.


It's happened again. A transgender youth was killed for no other reason than who she is. Read about it here She is one more person to honor next November 20th on The Transgender Day of Remembrance. She is one more person who will be added to Gwen Smith's Remembering Our Dead.

So the madness continues. This story has gotten very little press compared to other crimes in recent days. The divisiveness within the community and personal agendas must take a back seat to the fact that another life will not reach it's full potential.

January 1, 2008

This article in The Wall Street Journal by Naomi Schaefer Riley has generated a lot of conversation in our Charlotte Gender Alliance group. This was one of the usual slanted pieces full of misinformation regarding what it means to be transgender. At least it has people thinking and talking.

Ms. Riley generated discussion not only in the United States, but obviously around the world. I found a particularly interesting response in a blog entry by Zoe Brain in Canberra, Australia.

She links to a 70's song by Melanie (the singer, not my friend) that moved me, Lay down, lay down or Candles in the Rain
I remember the song, but never thought of it in the context of support groups.

"So raise the candles high'
Cause if you don't we could stay black against the night
Oh raise them higher again
And if you do we could stay dry against the rain."

"We were so close,
there was no room.
We bled inside,
each other's wounds"

Lyrics (c) Copyright 1970 by Kama Rippa Music, Inc. and Melanie Music, Inc.1650 Broadway, New York, New York 10019.

The last line got to me. We talk so much about the lack of TG Unity, not only in NC, but everywhere. If we felt that close to our brothers and sisters......... imagine all we could accomplish.

December 30th, 2007

As I look upon the last year, it's been full of surprises. I never thought I would have surgery twice in one year, once for a torn tendon in my arm, then facial surgery. The latter was optional, of course. I'm still marinating on when I will have the second procedure. I am thinking of sooner, rather than later.

Charlotte Gender Alliance has proved to be all we hoped. At this moment, we have 57 members on our Yahoo Group. Not that many will be able to attend a meeting, but if we provide the support and education only one person needs, it will have been worth the effort.

I had cordial contact with my ex wife for the first time in years. I sent her a Christmas Card with a small gift. She called to thank me and wished me well. It is impossible to spend years with a person and not have a concern for their welfare. I wish her the best and I think she knows that.

I have to admit a relationship is a missing piece of life's puzzle. I have some awesome friends and a good life. I also need someone special in my life. If it happens, that will be wonderful. If not, the journey will continue anyway.

I had no contact with my children again this year. I don't know if I have grown numb to that fact, or have learned to let go. Perhaps it's a combination of the two.

I mentioned an important outreach effort at the corporate level. That took place December 20th and went very well. In several online groups, the topic of education is a priority. The fact Barney Frank said more education is needed on behalf of the transgender community is a statement not lost on many of us.

However we may disagree with his actions regarding a non TG inclusive ENDA, the misconceptions of what it means to be transgender remain prevalent. I believe there will be some exciting outreach events taking place in 2008. I hope to be a part of a few of those. Let's get on with it.

Peace On Earth

I've been learning a bit of german recently. I found a german version of my favorite Christmas Carol: Stille Nacht It is very simple, but is a beautiful rendition.


There is a piece I posted on my website one year ago today. This was written long before Charlotte Gender Alliance came into being. In view of our world as it remains, I believe it is still appropriate:

12/23/06

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me". I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire?

As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace. As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 17, 2007

I was thinking today how enjoyable this holiday season has been. Christmas is my favorite time of year, with all the little gatherings and the music in church.

Two weekends ago was a holiday social at Lisa's home. She's a very TG knowledgeable therapist I met several years ago. It was good meeting her clients and getting to know everyone.

Church is always nice during Christmas. Melanie and I lit the Advent Candles Sunday before last, which is something rather emotional.

This past Saturday night was the Kappa Beta Christmas party. I said last night I was happy I had the facial surgery. It's good I was able to time it when I did, especially with the chin implant which took more time to heal. The purpose was to make my face rounder and less angular. The recovery time let me be back to normal in time for the holidays. I did a few songs from ABBA Saturday evening, which let me show once again how little talent I have. It's all meant to be fun anyway, which it sure was.

Thanks also to my friend Swooz for the new hairstyle. This girl is beyond awesome. She came to the party and did a little number herself.

This coming Thursday, I have a major outreach opportunity with a large NC based corporation. Our dialogue has been going on almost a year and I'm very excited about how this has progressed. My hope is we can put a positive face on what it means to be transgender. I may share more about this in the weeks to come.

December 15, 2007

Now and then, I see someone I know on the talkshows. Last week, Kassandra was on Maury. We've met a couple times. I thought it was awesome that she had the courage to appear on a talk show and share her story.

I'm almost completely healed from my facial surgery. If you had asked me about a week post op, I would have said I wish I hadn't done it. Now that it's over, I'm glad I did this. It has made life so much easier. There is one minor surgery I may have early next year. I will decide within the next couple months. I thought for a fleeting moment about posting photos after the surgery. It was not a pretty sight.

This year is the 30th anniversary of one and only ABBA tour of Australia. There is a show this evening in Sydney in the theater where the ABBA movie premiered 30 years ago yesterday.

How is this important you ask? I guess it's not really, but I think it's pretty cool. Sometimes I think I'm stuck in the seventies. I'm not sure I even want to leave.

The furor over ENDA has mostly died down. The reality has set in that the TG community was thrown to the curb. What happened to the premise that people have a right to be who they are, no matter who they are? It is the old politics of expediency.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

As I thought today of the lives that ended all too soon, I thought of so many others, some of whom I have known personally, whose lives never reached full potential.

The rate of suicide, depression and suicidal ideation in the transgender community is astronomical. Especially, I think each day of a close friend of mine. She made her first suicide attempt in 1996. There were three subsequent suicide attempts, leaving her confined to a wheelchair to this day. The last time I saw her, she showed me the scars on her wrists.

I have thought a thousand times of how I should have picked up the warning signs; was there something I could have done and did not? Most probably, yes. She was such a brilliant woman, yet she never found the happiness she craved.

When any life is not given a chance to bloom, it is a loss for each of us. As has been said, we light candles this evening for our transgendered brothers and sisters. In reality, the candles are lit for anyone who is persecuted because of who they are.

My candle is also lit for this dear friend. I think of you often, I miss you and wish I had been there for you!

Day of Remembrance

Our Day of Remembrance

Tuesday, November 20 is The Transgender Day Of Remembrance. It is a day set aside to commemorate those transgender men and women who have been victims of the ultimate act of violence.

This event began in 1998 to commemorate the murder of Rita Hester in Boston, MA from multiple stab wounds. Her murder remains unsolved. Unfortunately, she was not the last. It is fitting and proper those of us in the transgender community would pause and remember those among us who's life journey was all too short.

As we pause tomorrow, let us remember that when anyone, anywhere is persecuted because of who they are, it must forever remain unacceptable.

We have had much discussion on ENDA, we engage in outreach at the social level and we speak of pride in ourselves at the personal level. At the core of all forms of outreach is the fundamental issue of human dignity.

May we develop a renewed respect for the dignity of others who are different from ourselves. May we also develop a renewed sense of self respect. In doing so, we are able to offer compassion to those around us who are hurting and in need. It's the very least we can do for our fellow human beings......and ourselves.

This link to a short video by Rev. Erin Swinson sums the day far more eloquently than I could.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzDGzbZICA0

For anyone incined, this link is to Gwen Smith's moving site, "Remembering Our Dead".
http://www.gender.org/remember/index.html#

Halloween and ENDA the month

This blog could have become like a radio station, 'all ENDA, all the time'. For several weeks, our Charlotte Gender Alliance online group was mostly ENDA related. The subject warranted the time spent. As I have seen so often, much of the problem is the fact the gay community does not fully understand the issues faced by Transgender people. Congressman Frank made that clear when he said there still needs to be education on the behalf of the T- community.

The final debate will take place at a later date. I think many were surprised by the outpouring of support from many non TG groups. I also believe time will heal the misunderstanding between HRC and the TG leaders who have worked for inclusivity. Perhaps both sides will have learned from the experience.

I would have been ready for any trick or treaters tonight. I'm home recovering from facial surgery on 10/23. I did not have FFS in the sense it is practiced by Drs. Osterhout and Alter. Essentially I had a face/neck lift. As of this evening, I look like a still shot from Rocky I, but I'm healing. The staples were removed from my head this past Monday. I go back next week for removal of the remaining sutures.

I only told a few close friends what I had done. I have wondered how many people actually read this blog. I suspect not many, but perhaps I will soon find out.

ENDA the line

The last week has been tumultuous regarding the Employment Non Discrimination Act. There was hope the HRC would change it's stance and continue to support a transgender inclusive bill. That hope did not come to pass.

Certain friends of mine here in North Carolina have worked long and hard with HRC for this effort, and others. For them to tender their resignation to HRC was a heart wrenching decision. They had the courage they always have and did the right thing.

A number of people from NC, along with others, protested outside the HRC dinner this past Saturday evening while Nancy Pelosi made her keynote address. To her credit, she acknowledged the protestors and stated her support for a trans inclusive ENDA. She did this irrespective of the fact she and Congressman Frank rewrote the bill from it's original form to a separate bill for transgender rights.

The last three years, Donna Rose has been the one transgender face on the HRC board of directors at the national level. She has done a lot for our community. You can read her statement on the HRC decision.

As things evolve, the concensus is growing that HRC was forced to compromise to get any bill at all through congress. The reality is the bill has little to no chance of passage during the next year. As with most legislation involving human rights, the wheels turn slowly. Foundations must be laid before the final structure goes up. It would seem this is taking place as we watch.


My friend Nancy Wichmann redesigned our CGA website. Nancy is very good at this and I appreciate what she did for us. Charlotte Gender Alliance continues to grow. We knew we were filling a need at the right time.

ENDA

I realized the day I worked the NC TG UNITY table at Pride Charlotte, I have as many gay friends as I do TG. With that in mind, the following piece does not apply to my dear friends. I am speaking in the sense of 'community'. They will understand what I'm saying. Many of us have discussed the following issues.

Several decades ago, there was endless discussion as to whether the already ostracized transgender community had made a tactical error in aligning with the gay and lesbian movement. It was said we share the same problems, including discrimination, violence, employment issues etc.

It has been ironic to me that, in many ways, the gay community doesn't really get us. We are charged with educating the very community of which we are supposedly a part.

In 2007, it is clear the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Employment Non Discrimination Act, ENDA is coming to a congressional vote, probably next Friday.

ENDA has had the support of the Human Rights Campaign, along with other lobbying groups. HRC director Joe Solmonese made a speech at Southern Comfort earlier this month, pledging HRC's unwavering support.

As it became clear the bill was in trouble, Speaker Pelosi and Congressman Barney Frank rewrote the bill to exclude gender identity. This move has been now supported by HRC, contrary to what was said in front of the largest gathering of TG people in the country. Barney Frank wrote a rambling statement as to his motives. HRC has issued a statement attempting to explain their throwing the transgender community to the curb.

A number of TG people, including someone in NC whom I greatly respect are visiting the HRC dinner in Washington next week. Inasmuch as we were thrown on the curb, they will meet at the curb and picket this dinner.

It seems to me we were thrown under the bus. The right of any human being to earn a living is where the rubber meets the road. Many good people, some I know personally and some I only know of, worked hard for this bill. Let us hope they planted seeds that will eventually take root. I hope we are around to see it happen.

Jenny Boylan once said the only thing we have in common with the gays and lesbians is "we get beaten up by the same people". When it was expedient to include the transgender community for fundraising and support issues, they were happy to have us. When it became expedient to dump us to achieve their own agenda, there was no hesitation.

As a friend said, there comes a time when compromise is no longer an option.

September 18, 2007

There have been lots of things taking place recently, all of which are good.

Last week was the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta. This past Friday was an event unique to the conference and our community, a Transgender Career Expo day. There were representatives from a number of Fortune 500 companies. I had planned to drive down from Charlotte for the day, but a sprained foot changed my mind. This expo is one more sign of the progress that continues to be made in public awareness of who we are as individuals. The Charlotte Observer published a story on the event yesterday.

Saturday, August 25th was Pride Charlotte. I was able to work the NCTGUNITY booth for the entire day. Even in the 99 degree heat, it was a totally remarkable day . I don't recall a time when I have seen so many old friends from the past, or had more hugs. A few photos are posted in my online webshots. One saving grace was our table was less than 20 feet from the back door of Starbucks. When I saw that door, I knew I woud survive the heat.

Naturally, we had the usual protestors. It's ironic that not only are we charged with educating the GLB segment of the community, we also deal with the same protestors which bedevil them. Many disagree, but I don't think they are bad people. A GG friend and I followed two protestors into Starbucks and engaged them in dialogue. I won't go into the verbage, but it was mutually respectful. Both of us had goosebumps when we left them. We did the right thing.

My hairdresser visited Kappa Beta in August for presentation on facial shapes and a styling demonstration. I think everyone enjoyed it. I know she enjoyed it so much, she's coming to our Christmas party.

Our Charlotte Gender Alliance is growing more rapidly than I would have dreamed. Our September meeting was well attended and the discussion intense. This is precisely what we were hoping for.

Things are not perfect, but life is great with much more to take place in the near future. More on that later.

August 15, 2007

My son's birthday was August 13. He is 27 years old. I called to wish him Happy Birthday, but got his voice mail and left a message to let him know I love him. I've gotten no response. I have to admit it leaves a rather empty feeling.

I'm not the only one who deals with these issues. However, as everyone knows, it is small comfort to know there are others in your situation.

Lots of people are talking about the Larry King interview with transgender guests this past Friday evening. The guests did a wonderful job of presenting themselves and representing the community.

But you would think Larry would have done enough of these interviews that he would know more about the subject by now. Someone said towards the end, if you didn't know better, you would think he was doing a comedy routine. He asked former Largo, FL City Manager, Susan Stanton if she was a crossdresser since she's not had surgery. Next, he asked if she stood up or sat down to use the rest room. I could almost hear groans going up from all over. He even coined a new word, "transgenderite", as if we didn't have enough labels already.

I suppose exposure such as this is better than none at all, especially considering the calbire of the guests. You just do get tired of the same irrelevant questions from a supposedly intelligent host. I must say, I did like his suspenders.

The following quotation is from Equality NC:

"House Bill 1366, the School Violence Prevention Act, is on the calendar for Tuesday, July 24, in the Senate Judiciary II Committee.

This bipartisan bill would require schools systems to adopt strong policies against bullying and harassment, including harassment against students based on their sexual orientation and gender identity."

End quote.

No child should endure the bullying that we know goes on in the school systems in our nation. It remains incredible to me that a person in the 21st century, youth or adult, would endure harrassment because of who they are.

It rather ties in with the below video someone shared with me the other day. As I have often said, everything we do is about human dignity. In the grand scheme of things, nothing else matters. This segment is worth viewing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJdS0rTt2ps

I began phsyical therapy last week to regain mobility in my right arm. I never thought holding my hand straight and turning my wrist would bring beads of sweat, but it surely did. If something as minimal as this can be so hard, it's difficult to even comprehend what some people have to endure in rehab. It makes me realize how lucky I've been, and am.

Last night was our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting (http://charlottegender.tripod.com/)
I am very enthused about this effort and our format. So many gender variant men and women must endure stress and hardship. One of the most stressful can be the feeling of isolation. We have all known the feeling to one degree or another.

A discussion group with this format ensures participation by everyone present. Each person becomes a coequal sum of all the parts, no matter where their place on the gender path may be. This is something whose time has come. This is the time and we are the people.

I wasn't my usual self physically, but I felt better when I got to our meeting. It's beyond cool.

July 1, 2007

If it's true that bad things tend to come in threes, I should be in great shape now. The Friday before Memorial Day, my home was flooded by a burst pipe while I was at work. The carpet had to be replaced and I spent the weekend in a hotel with Girl (my cat). That's another story in itself.

A situation at work has made it clear it's time to begin looking for new employment, not an easy thing since life changes never come easily and I've made very few changes during my work years. Even so, once we accept change, it becomes easier to pursue.

I had surgery June 22nd to repair a torn tendon in my right arm. The splint was taken off and the sitches removed this past Friday. It's a matter now of regaining mobility and reducing pain. I begin physical therapy this coming Thursday. My right arm will be in a sling a few more weeks, although I can rest my arm on a pillow and type. Being offline for a week was a major bother.

The surgery forced me to miss our Kappa Beta meting last weekend. This meeting was a special tribute to one of our senior members. A friend read my piece for me. I know I missed a rather emotional gathering.

This coming weekend is our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting. I'm excited about the contribution we will be able to make to both the TG community in the Charlotte area and our community as a whole. A lot of input has made this possible. This is going to be a worthwhile effort.

I was hoping to hear from my children on Fathers' Day, but it didn't happen. This is not a unique situation to many of us, but still brings a certain sadness. As I have said, no matter what the future holds, I will always be proud to be their father. I shall remain open to them.

Even with the not so good things coming threes, I realize more than ever how much my friends and family mean. Many others are not nearly as well off as I am. Life is still good.