Recovering The Spirit -N- Me

This past weekend, there was a conference in Winston Salem, NC which is similar to Carolinas Gender Odyssey. Recovering The Spirit -N- Me was presented by Church of the Holy Spirit Fellowship. I was invited to make a few remarks during Sunday worship. It was an honor to be in worship with those good people. Wonderful things are happening in that church and the community. Below is a photo with my dear friend Krista (left) and her partner, Terri.

A transgender person was murdered in Charlotte, NC April 3. Read about it here. These things happen all too often, almost to the point of being routine. I think we will learn she was a trans woman living fulltime. Whether this was a bias motivated hate crime, we still don't know. I have already expressed a concern about rushing to judgment before we know all the facts. I have my strong opinion, but until we know, we risk our future credibility being put into question.

That becomes a concern, 'future credibility'. Transgender people often do to each other, the very thing we abhor. We stereotype each other and are unable to honor the diversity which we claim to embrace.

In the weeks after the Tony Alston murder, there was a discussion locally about whether a fund raising event called a 'drag race' was appropriate. I get it. These fundraisers happen all the time. I do think it's not the best PR, but it is what it is. Within days, the issue became not about the fund raiser, but the right of respected transgender people to express a strongly felt opinion without without their integrity being called into question, or accused of making anti gay comments.

A lot of transgender people have been knocked around pretty hard in this world, as has the gay community. I  long ago lost count of the number of people who desire a position of leadership, but when crunch time came, they were unable to honor an opinion different from theirs. The result is always the same. If a person is not what they say they are, it always comes to the surface and is seen for what it is. We will always be judged by our actions. This is exactly as it should be.

The National Day of Silence - April 16, 2010

Friday, April 16th, is officially the National Day of Silence observance, a day set aside on high school and college campuses around the nation to pause in silence to remember those who have been the victim of bullying or hate crimes.

Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC had their observance yesterday and last night. I was invited to visit with members of GloBal, the Gay-Straight Alliance and it was everything I knew it would be. It was an honor to be with them when it was time to Break the Silence. There were laughter and tears and it's okay that some of the tears were mine. When I look in the eyes of these young men and women, I see the courage that is going to change the future. I like to say they are the people who are going to make the future become the present.

I find it ironic that when we have supposedly mature LGBT people still trying to decide how, or even whether, to come together as one real community, these people have already done it. When I was at Winthrop two years ago for the observance, the photo I took with the students became my favorite. Most of them have graduated, but the photo we took last night is again my favorite, not because I am in it, but who is in it with me. They said it was cool to put the photo on my blog and I appreciate that. I hope to see you all again soon! As always, click on the photo to enlarge.

While last night was with the university students at Winthrop, exactly 24 hours earlier I was at the second Gay & Gray Progressive Dinner sponsored by the Centralina Area Agency on Aging. Someone joked with me about the dichotomy between the two events. I see none at all. When you have people interested in advocacy for the marginalized, I do not see age as a criteria. As I said at both events, the time we have left is not the real issue. It is what we do with that time left. The concept is the same whether a person is 21 or 71.

I initially became involved with the Area Agency on Aging last April when I was the luncheon speaker at their conference. I have told them many times that day became more than an important speech. It opened my mind to the needs of LGBT seniors and issues we all will face as we age. They have some interesting events ahead and I'm thrilled whenever I can be with them. Linda, Debi and Marilyn have become good friends. Their compassion for a marginalized segment of an already marginalized community is more important than most of us even realize.

Afternoons with Joyce

There is a book titled 'Tuesdays With Morrie', the lessons learned by a former student as his professor battles ALS, I find myself thinking about someday writing 'Afternoons With Joyce'.

I met Joyce several months ago during one of my marathon days of coffee and writing. We struck up a conversation and became fast friends. Joyce is originally from London, survived The Blitz and is a wonderful conversationalist. Our topics range from world affairs to cooking, to child rearing. She either waits for me, or I wait for her, depending on who gets there first. She's older than I am, which is saying a lot. I find her intellect so refreshing. I've enjoyed getting to know her daughter and grandchildren.

She spends summers in Canada with her husband and will be leaving within the next couple weeks. We will keep in touch and I will do something special for her when she comes back to Charlotte next fall to spend winter with her daughter. She is healthy and I pray that continues well into the future

Certain things put life into perspective. I spent a lifetime planning my transition. There were all the years of planning and worry, the electrolysis, counseling, a number of surgeries and all the losses so many of us endure. Then I realized what it was all about, and it's really pretty simple. The 'Afternoons With Joyce' were all I ever wanted. I mean that in the sense of living a normal life, having friends, church activities and all the things that give life meaning. Has it been worth it? You betcha.


My good friend, and favorite hairdresser, Swooz Glenn, got to know Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx during her own outreach work. She had her photo made with His Honor this past Monday. I told her I wanted to put it in my blog and she said that was cool. If you are close to Charlotte and want a good hair stylist who is a wonderful person, let me know and I will connect you with Swooz.

I'm doing more public speaking events these days, something I dearly love. This past Friday, I did a presentation at the Southern Organization for Human Services conference in Charlotte. It's important to speak to the helping professionals on LGBT issues. Their attendance is indicative of their own commitment to diversity. A social worker often asks what to do if a client has LGBT issues. My answer is to remember the limitations of your own knowledge and to be aware of your resources. Many of us seek multiple therapists before finding someone who has even heard of the SOC or is knowledgeable in hormone therapy.

I don't take many photos these days. A common theme I have observed is that before going full time, we often take all the photos we can. It's sort of like a validation of who we are. Once post transition, that need for validation is no longer there. Living one's life is it's own validation. Anyway, I took a photo before the conference Friday. I'm not fond of it, but several friends said I seem so content and happy. When we are able to not worry how we look in each photo, life is much less stress filled. For what it's worth, the photo is below.

'You are who you are'

I have one particular coffee house where I go constantly. I joke with them that it's like Cheers, except you drive home wide awake. I've become very good friends there with Ronda, one of the employees. She gave me a poem titled, 'You are who you are for a reason'. It applies not only to the LGBT community, but to a world seeking answers. I want to repeat it here.

You are who you are for a reason. You're part of an intricate plan. You're a precious, perfect and unique design called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason. Our God made no mistake. He knit you together within the womb; you're just the person He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose, no matter how you may feel. They were custom designed with God's plan in mind and they bear The Master's seal.

Know that the trauma you faced was not easy, and God wept that it hurt you so. But it was allowed to shape your heart so that in His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason. You've been formed by The Master's hand. You are who you are, beloved, because there is a God!

Russell Keffer

I told Ronda I wanted to enter this in my blog. It speaks to the overwhelming depression that exists within the transgender and LGB community. I thought of Christine Daniels and the segment Bryant Gumbel did on HBO Real Sports this month. This is gut wrenching stuff. People have lost everything, only for the sake of being who they are.

But the reality is....we can join the ranks of the over comers by wrapping our minds around the concept that 'we are who we are for a reason'. Thanks, Ronda!

Carolinas Gender Odyssey and other events

During the weekend of June 3rd, the first event of it's kind is going to take place in the Carolinas, Carolinas Gender Odyssey. Take a look at our website and the list of events. Then don't forget to register.

A lot of people remember the Magnolia Ball that was held in Charlotte for many years. A different group was the sponsor and it drew people from all over the southeast and beyond. If the Magnolia Ball was all that took place that weekend, it would be huge. Factor in the Friday night talent show, Saturday workshops, art display, Sunday brunch and it's a monumental event.


I've written about the Gay & Gray events at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center which are sponsored by the Centralina Area Agency on Aging. They are beginning a series of Progressive Dinners this coming Tuesday.

If you live close to Charlotte and would like to join us, we'd love to have you. You don't have to be either gay (or transgender) or gray to attend. Friends and allies are welcome. Visit the website and the link will take you to complete information.

March 19, 2010

The last weekend in February was the Building a Welcoming Church workshop in Charlotte. This three day event is sponsored by the Institute For Welcoming Resources. I have often said I can think of no more important outreach. I had the privilege of doing a Saturday morning presentation on what it means to be transgender. The one hour session lasted longer than planned, but everyone seemed interested in learning.

The Charlotte Interfaith Connection is the result of the last workshop I attended in 2008. I can't wait to see what will come from this one. One of the best parts of the weekend is networking with like minded people from around the country.

Charlotte Interfaith Connection is beginning a cooperative effort with RAIN - Regional Aids Interfaith Network. There are a number of toiletries for the patients that are not covered by the various social programs. Our goal will be to fill this need by means of a well stocked pantry.

I had a phone call from the NC LGBT newspaper, Q-Notes, a few weeks ago. They said they were doing an article on the movers and shakers in the North Carolina LGBT community. My first question was why were they calling me? Anyhow, the article turned out okay and without any misquotes. I always worry about print interviews, but these are good people. I realized I'm past worrying about how I look in photos these days. You can read the article here.

Last weekend was my first board meeting with Equality NC. It is going to be a pleasure to serve with this organization. We had a meet & greet social downtown Friday evening which gave the new board members an opportunity to get to know each other and the other members. Stay tuned for some good stuff coming from this, particularly the Day of Action taking place May 25.

We're having a Community Roundtable at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center March 23. Our topic this month is LGBT and Reconciling Faith. We've invited a panel of leaders from a number of faith communities in Charlotte.

I said a couple months ago that I don't believe in burn out. I do believe in making best use of time. When I look at the calendar for the last few months and beyond, it's getting full, but I see a common theme of outreach. It all becomes inter connected, and that can only be a good thing.

Melanie had a rushed gall bladder operation last week. I don't use the word 'emergency', but it was pretty close. This surgery is often outpatient now but she was kept overnight and beyond. Her pain has left and she's almost back to normal. I spent the night on a couch in her room. Not only is my makeup the 24 hour kind, it went about 36 hours.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day always holds bittersweet memories, often leaning towards the 'bitter'; not as in angry, but melancholy. My marriage broke up ten years ago this day. I had already planned for a church related activity, but it also helped lighten my mood.

To my amazement, Facebook also lightens my mood. I never posted to these groups until the last few months. I must say, it's entertaining to read what acquaintances are doing hour by hour. I still can't see the lure of Farmville or the others. I woke up one morning and someone had tried to send me a supply of fuel for my tractor. Strange..


After all these years, I still see the same thread of conversation on some of the Yahoo groups. Specifically, how do we feel about other people seeing us as part of the LGB community, or even being considered 'transgender'.

The real question is not so much what uninformed people think of us, but who do we say we are? More importantly, are we really who we say we are? I speak not only in terms of gender identity, but integrity. With so many pressing issues facing us and our world, for the answer to be 'no', would be disastrous. Those of us involved in outreach and support will be judged not by what we say, but by what we do. It should be no other way.

The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center will present a Community Roundtable Thursday evening - the topic, 'Aging and the LGBT Community'. The Centralina Area Agency on Aging is hosting a series of Progressive Dinners beginning in March. This week is intended to be a segue to these dinners. I'm not sure the community in Charlotte realizes the importance of the Agency on Aging reaching out as yet. As we spread the word, I hope, and believe, we will raise awareness.


I'm going to have another hour or so of electrolysis. It's typical to see a little regrowth and I have a little on my neck. I can remember when I joked with my electrologist that I wouldn't live long enough to finish. Fortunately, I found someone who is top notch. I'm very selective about who I refer to her, but if you are near Charlotte and want a true professional, let me know. I'm a little protective of her in some ways, but you do that with friends.

February 4, 2010

I don't talk a lot about my personal life. I think a few acquaintances wonder if I even have a personal life. Actually I do.

As I read over previous posts, I have talked more than I realized about refocusing and redirection. I suspect that means this has been more important than I even knew.

I wrote a few months ago that I had joined Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. A church home has always been important to me and I thought I had already found one. It goes to show God has plans for us when we least expect them. By virtue of our Charlotte Interfaith Connection, I was led to Holy Trinity.

I do a fair amount of public speaking, mostly to university classes, civic groups and at the corporate level when the occasion arises. This coming Sunday I will be preaching in morning worship.

Our pastor told us that preparing for our sermon would be a transformative experience, and so it has been. This has become a form of worship for me personally and thus is very special. I realized very quickly after joining that my new church home was the catalyst for that new sense of direction and even energy. I get emotional when I try to explain how thankful I am for God's direction. But very thankful I am.


Not many people know I have two grown children and one grandson. I saw my grandson for the first and only time last year. During the last six months I've had to deal with a number of issues concerning my ex wife. It's such a common story you could almost insert different names and it would apply to many friends. That doesn't make it any easier. I learned long ago that if you do your best, it always works out for the best. It's one of those immutable laws that can't be broken. That's what I'm counting on anyway.


I once felt that not having a partner is the missing piece of my life puzzle. I see it differently now. I think all the pieces have come into place. We've had conversation on the gender listserv this week about family. I think it's like we've heard, there are two kinds of family. Sometimes the one you gather through life is quite sufficient. In any case, as with a new church home, God sends surprises when we least expect them. I joke with people that my biological clock is ticking.


Only a few friends know that I have a deep interest in the history of professional wrestling, the period beginning in the early 1900's and continuing into the mid 80's. This is a much more fascinating business than most people know. But I digress.

Former World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion, Jack Brisco, passed away three days ago at age 68. Jack had been in ill health following open heart surgery.

There are a few guys in the business who can actually wrestle. Jack was what we call a pure wrestler. He won the 1965 NCAA championship while at Oklahoma State Univ. His series of matches in the seventies against Dory Funk, Jr. remain classics to this day. I was fortunate to be at ringside for a number of those matches and often think of them 35 years later.

I was moved to tears when I heard of Jack's death. As time passes, the legends are becoming fewer, but the memories remain. Rest in peace, Jack.

Equality NC

I have often talked about the importance of maintaining a balance in life and recognizing what is important. I don't believe in burnout. I do believe in new focus when it is appropriate.

I was recently elected to, and have accepted, a position on the board of directors of Equality NC. This will most definitely provide an avenue of new focusing.

It is a privilege to have an opportunity to work with so many people whom I hold in the highest personal regard. I've been part of the ENC transgender task force for sometime now. To serve on the board is an exceptional honor. An overview of the ENC website is indicative of the organization's commitment to the cause of human dignity.

Our annual weekend retreat, coupled with a meet and greet, was scheduled this past weekend in Charlotte. Due to icy roads, the event was postponed until early March.

This is going to be an exciting year on a number of levels. As we say so often, good things sometimes come to people who least expect it. It's enough to make a person excited.

domestic violence and other issues

We have held a series of community roundtable discussions at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center. The purpose is to discuss issues pertaining to the community that seldom receive attention. Last night's topic was 'Domestic Violence and the LGBT Community'. Although this issue does not affect me personally, we heard stories of people who are affected. Approximately 1 in 4 LGBT people will be abused by an intimate partner. We know the victim often feels like the perpetrator which only continues the cycle. We are going to pursue this subject but if it touches your life, there is help. Visit Project Rainbow Net for further information.

It has been several months since the suicide of L.A. Times sportswriter, Christine Daniels. A portion of her eulogy has been uploaded to Youtube. You can watch it here. Her suicide happened one week after the Transgender Day of Remembrance. I often think of her coming out letter. "It took forty years and a million tears." So many of us can relate to that.

We've talked a lot about Amanda Simpson being the first transgender person to receive a presidential appointment. This is a wonderful for our community and there is no one more qualified or deserving than Amanda. Good things happen to good people.

David Letterman recently did a spot making fun of Amanda, which is pretty typical. Letterman has turned into an angry old man in the last few years, which is unfortunate for him. A lot of us were understandably upset over this bit, although I've seen much worse. However, some of us in the LGBT community have an issue with situational ethics.

There is seldom a night when Letterman doesn't rake Sarah Palin, or whoever happens to be the target du jour, over the coals. Our response to those routines is the sound of silence. If our community is to be taken seriously in the fight for human dignity, we need to understand that dignity applies to all.

We must wrap our minds around the fact that if someone disagrees with us, they are not necessarily evil or stupid. When we need it most, our integrity may be all we have left. Situational ethics not only causes us to appear disingenuous; we are.

Peace On Earth?

Below is a post I made three years ago today. In hindsight, I may change a word or two if I were to write it today. However, the message is the same as it has always been:


The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me".

I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire? As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace.

As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

Pamela Jones - 12/23/06

December 22, 2009

The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center will again be open Christmas Day for an open house/potluck. If you happen to be close to Charlotte, we'd love to have you. Send me an email for directions.

This is the beginning of a tradition that last year was an experiment. After dinner last Christmas, we realized our discussion had become a Community Roundtable. That led us to the monthly roundtable discussions which continue even now. This month's topic was 'Diversity, are we as accepted as we think?' January's topic will be 'Domestic violence within the LGBT community'.

Below is a photo of a few of us who came to Thanksgiving dinner. I love the diversity within our community. If this isn't it, I don't know what is.



There has been conversation within the last week about the lack of understanding of transgender people within the gay community. For me, these discussions become about family. I understand the broad issue, having witnessed it the last 40 years. We have not had a discussion in the listserv as to whether our gay friends and allies should be welcome at meetings. I would find such a discussion to be morally reprehensible. As I said last week, I get crazy when it comes to family, only one of whom is Melanie.

A series of essays written by Dr. Jillian Weiss is posted on Bilerco. These essays speak to the heart of the issue of trans inclusion. This is not light reading, but it's not a light subject. You realize you've been around awhile when you remember the Mattachine Society and the Gay Liberation Front. You can link to parts two and three from this essay.

It's during Christmas and other holidays when I miss my family the most. Tears come more easily this time of year and that's not a bad thing. I will be at our church's late night Christmas Eve service and will spend Christmas evening with Melanie and her family. All in all, it's a nice Christmas.

Having someone significant in my life remains the missing piece of the puzzle. I just had a conversation with a dear friend who reminded me when I least expect it, someone will come along. I somehow have a feeling that is not destined to be. Even so, life is still pretty amazing.

Christine Daniels (1957-2009)

Los Angeles Times sports writer, Christine Daniels is dead at age 52. The story is making it's rounds within the transgender community. You can read about it here.

Pastor Randy of MCC in Greenville, SC officiated at her wedding before leaving L.A. He was aware she was having problems. She had detransitioned and was using her old name in her byline.

She may have detransitioned in her presentation, but she remained who she already was.

When asked how she was getting along, her reply: "just trying to get through it" could have been said by many. Was her transition really "this daily random hardship of trying to figure out gender assignment"? I believe it was much more. It was a person finding life's purpose.

Donna Rose, a transgender activist for whom I have great respect, said coming out at work was the single most terrifying thing she ever did.

She was right. It was a moment I will never forget, but it had to be done. I said from the start they did their best. I will always have utmost respect for management in that company. If any of you read this, you know my feelings already.

A number of my coworkers had known me 19 years. Once they knew the real me, I wasn't suitable to sit with at Christmas dinner that year. With other people, it became a matter of not understanding what it means to be transgender, or why I would choose this lifestyle.

The answer lies in Christine Daniels' coming out letter, "it took forty years and a million tears". This can be an agonizing and gut wrenching decision. It literally becomes a matter of life and death. I chose life.

It's not only trans or LGB people, but a world that is searching for answers while "trying to get through it". Life has to be more than "getting through it", or it's not living. I'm not sure it's even surviving.

When the final counting is done, the goal of each of us is to say "I found my way". Thinking of this story and hundreds of others, I can say that. I know who I am but more importantly, I know Whose I am. That has made the difference.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Charlotte Gender Alliance hosted the Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center Friday, November 20th. I don't normally post my text of my remarks, but decided to make an exception.




As you have heard, ceremonies similar to this one were held around the world today and at this hour in Greensboro, Asheville and Charlotte. It is right and fitting for us to honor our sisters and brothers who have paid the ultimate price, only for being who they are.

These are more than names on a piece of paper. They are sons, daughters, friends and coworkers.

As we honor them, we honor anyone who has been stereotyped and marginalized. In the struggle for human dignity, our ultimate battle is for hearts and minds. The first victory lies within our own heart and mind.

As we seek a united LGBT community, we need to know that people can be different from us without being wrong. It is what we think of ourselves that controls our potential, not what others think we should be. We are today, the person we decided to be yesterday.

We see these names and may wonder, what defines a person’s life? Certainly our lives are not defined by sexual orientation or gender identity. The real measure of our life is what we do with our life.

You will notice the words on our banner, “Diversity will not only be respected; it will be honored.” This precept is at the heart of everything Charlotte Gender Alliance represents.

If there is to be a better future, we must disturb the present. If there is a crisis within the LGBT community, and I believe there is, it is a crisis of the heart. The task with which we are charged is to build bridges between those segments of society which have known only isolation and loneliness.

If we speak eloquently of the quest for human dignity but lack the courage to put words into action, aren’t they no more than empty words?

If we cannot grant others that dignity which we would claim for ourselves, do we not do an injustice to ourselves and others?

We may wake up each morning wondering if this is the day that our true self will become apparent and if we will be the next to be judged as worthy of violence.

There are people in this room who have lost everything they had in order to be all they were meant to be. The miracle is in learning that our own dignity is worth the price.

Many of us spend a lifetime trying conform to what others think we should be, rather than who we were intended to be. There eventually comes a time when the need to be a real person takes precedence over all else. There comes that defining moment when we must take off the mask and become genuine. Before we can give the world our best, we must first give ourselves our best. We learn that it really is okay to be who we are, no matter who we are.

It is in these defining moments when we learn how to live, rather than to merely survive, when we feel that spark of hope that lies within each of us and come to the realization that our lives have a higher purpose than we ever dreamed.

Tonight we stand upon the shoulders of those who have paved the way for us. Some day people will gather and speak of the progress we made, or the lack of it.

History will be our final judge but above all, may no person have reason to ask, “Why did you wait so long to live?”

November 18th, 2009

I have often said the face of the LGBT community in Charlotte has changed during the last two years. One factor in that change is the ongoing effort to bring the transgender community into the mainstream.

The Community Roundtable topic in October was, 'What would you like to know about transgender people?' This month's topic was 'violence and the LGBT community' and was an intentional segue into The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance November 20th. You can read about these and other events on the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center website.

I was invited to speak to a workshop at the annual Centralina Area Agency on Aging conference recently. Until you interact with the helping professionals, the issues facing LGBT people as they go into their senior years are not fully clear. It is always a pleasure to share with these people and it's a huge thing for them to reach out. I believe the Gay & Gray conference last April was the start of something big.

I have a friend who is a professor at Mitchell College in Statesville (near Charlotte). He organized a workshop on LGBT issues last week. He already knows how much I enjoyed this class.

My last post alluded to prioritizing. I joined Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this month. My home church and interacting with other faith communities are where I hope to find much of my focus. I remain convinced the chasm between the community and what they perceive as 'the church' is our most pressing problem.

The Community Roundtable last night was a case in point. As we discussed violence, the conversation gravitated to religion and politics. I suppose the difficulty in living our life while honoring someone else's life is fundamental to the human condition. The issues are not unique to our community. It is clear however, that we have our own issues to address. As I have said, the battle is for hearts and minds. We often must begin with our own heart.

Refocusing

It is no accident that I've not posted since August. I've been in one of those periods of reevaluation and setting priorities. It's not that I'm burnt out; I'm not so sure I even believe in burnout. I do think we have to continually consider where we can be most productive. Just to be clear, it's not that I'm an especially gifted person. Everyone has something to offer, including being a good listener. Having decided to put yourself out there to be all you can, word gets out.

One word I'm learning to say is 'no'. This is not an easy thing for me, but there comes a time, especially as we get older, that we need to put some priority on our own physical and emotional wellbeing.

I find I increasingly enjoy speaking to groups on not only the transgender condition, but the human condition. I remain convinced our biggest problem is a crisis of the spirit. Irrespective of sexual orientation or gender identity, so many of us limp through life, never learning the meaning of letting go the old fears. We let past hurts define our lives, rather than reaching for the unlimited possibilities of the future.

A part of that is the ostracism of the LGBT community and organized religion, which I believe falls into the crisis of the spirit category I spoke of. This is the area that will become my top priority. The Charlotte Interfaith Connection has much yet to accomplish. I'm joining Holy Trinity Lutheran Church this coming Sunday and have found much of what I was seeking.

I keep having the thought that someone may come into my life. I have to admit after being divorced so many years, I miss having a life partner. Friends tell me the right person will come along when I least expect it, and that may well be. So far it hasn't shown signs of happening.

I've thought a lot lately about my friends at the company where I worked almost 20 years. To those of you who read this, I think of you often and will always value our friendships.

In other news, Elke Kennedy was invited to The White House last week to be present when President Obama signed the Hate Crimes Bill into law. It was a sort of vindication for her and Jim for the work they've done since Sean's death. They are back to work already, as I knew they would be.

Insofar as the Charlotte transgender community, we have some amazing things taking place. Within a month are two Community Roundtable discussions dealing with transgender issues. Attorney, Connie Vetter is presenting a Transgender Law 101 at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center November 12th.

As last year, Charlotte Gender Alliance is presenting The Transgender Day of Remembrance observance at The Community Center November 20th at 7 PM. We will have a series of speakers followed by a candlelight service. It is a time of honoring those have lost their lives, but also a time to celebrate those who have had the courage to be who they are by 'paying it forward'. I often am in awe of the people I consider friends and associates.

definining ourselves

I read The Shack some months ago and subsequently passed it on to a friend who passed it to family members. Often when I visit my favorite coffee house, the conversation turns to matters of the heart.

I purchased a personal copy this weekend, one in which I will highlight the most thought provoking passages. I want to paraphrase the first one:

A bird is not defined by being grounded, but by it's ability to fly. Humans are not defined by their limitations but by the intentions God has for them; not by what they seem to be, but by everything it means to be created in His image.

Thank goodness for that basic truth. If I were defined by my weaknesses, and they are more than most people know, my life would be one of drifting, ever searching and never finding.

As a transsexual woman, I am not defined by my gender identity or a quest for sense of self. I learned long ago it was there along, only waiting to be claimed. I would hope my life is defined by how I treat others and the way I live my faith while respecting that of others.

Many of us in the transgender community, and society, misunderstand the difference between goals and life's purpose. For a transgender woman, electrolysis, facial surgery, hormone therapy or SRS (sex reassignment surgery) are only goals along the journey, not the journey's end.

Given the emotional turmoil many of us face, it becomes natural to say if we can only undergo SRS, our purpose will have been fulfilled. The reality, we already are the person we wish to be by claiming our right. My sense of self was claimed long ago. It was only by becoming vulnerable to the point I could grant myself the chance to fail that I was able to succeed.

Too many of us have the victim mentality. There comes a time when we must move from defining ourselves not as victims, but as victors.

Many of us are pushing for a trans inclusive Employment Non Discrimination Act this year. This is one of our moral imperatives. Legal protections are vital but to change the world, we must change our part of it. There is an analogy to be drawn with the civil rights movement of the sixties. It was when a community of people developed their own sense of self and a common purpose that they were able to act as one.

The purpose of the 'transgender community' will likely not be achieved in my lifetime. In truth, the ultimate purpose is the uplifting of human dignity on all levels. However, our purpose as individuals can be claimed in an instant.

I attended a Shabbat Celebration and Dinner with some Jewish friends recently. A passage from the prayer book jumped out; "Redemption will come when we grant others what we claim for ourselves". I will state it another way,'how could we insist upon equality for ourselves and not grant it to others'.

This is the crux of our problem. It lies deep within the LGBT community and also clouds the perception of many faith communities towards diversity. To ostracize a segment of the population because of who they are, defies logic. Unfortunately, we do it to each other and yet are appalled when faith communities to it to us.

The answer? Claim our victory, thus changing our part of the world, then grant others that which we claim for ourselves.

Pride and Prejudice

Even post Pride Charlotte, there is discussion about the protestors and their plans of last weekend. In a few blogs around the country, there was discussion Sunday about what happened in Charlotte Saturday.

I won't give the organization the courtesy of adding a potential Google search, but they had announced 1,000 protestors and outreach teams. Thursday evening, I learned they would be allowed inside the venue this year. As I posted earlier, it was a non issue and their numbers were small.

These organizations are skilled at writing press releases and publicity announcements. They are not good at doing what they say. I've seen repeated examples.

We cannot, and should not ignore those who would oppose us. We do grant them a certain legitimacy that is neither deserved nor earned. Our success will come to reality in focusing on what we do right, rather than what they are hoping to do.

When we know we are on the right side of history, and the future, nothing will stop us. We are, and nothing did.

the bookends

The last two weeks have been extraordinary for the Charlotte LGBT community, which means they have been extraordinary for the city of Charlotte.

Charlotte Black Gay Pride took place Saturday, July 18 and it was a well done event. We spent the entire day there, representing the Charlotte Interfaith Connection, Charlotte Gender Alliance and the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Community Center. It was a good time to network and meet some amazing people.

Two days earlier was the Town Hall meeting sponsored by Charlotte Black Gay Pride. There was some badly needed dialogue. If we do not begin to talk about the pressing issues of the day, nothing will ever happen.

Tuesday of last week was the Charlotte Gender Alliance transgender event at the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Community Center. We called it The Transgender Living Experience and Library. Mostly I sat and watched the talented people in our group do what they do best. Stephanie Marie did a wonderful job organizing. I have said so many times that our only real asset is our members. This event proved that fact.

Thursday evening last week was the second Community Roundtable at the Community Center. The topic was LGBT issues in the workplace and the turnout surprised even me. When people don't want to leave, we know we're doing the right thing. Some folks stayed an hour later and a few of us didn't leave until almost midnight. Attendance was way up over the first meeting. This will become a regular monthly event.

The bookends culminated in Pride Charlotte at Gateway Center Saturday, July 25. The Charlotte Observer estimated the crowd at 10,000 and it was easily that. Beyond a doubt, this was the largest and best organized Pride event I've been to.

We were concerned about protestors this year as a certain organization had supposedly organized 1,000 people for their 'outreach'. Their numbers were more like 450, if that, and they were mostly a non issue.

These days are always like coming home and meeting friends you may not have seen in a while. I was spread thin trying to spend time at Charlotte Gender Alliance, Sean's Last Wish, Charlotte Interfaith Connection and the Community Center Booth. It was worth every second of the time and the folks who did the real work were the Pride organizers and volunteers. For an event of this magnitude to take place while anticipating a mob of protestors is a huge achievement.

Also a huge achievement is the sense of unity I continue to see in Charlotte and North Carolina. We once thought of the transgender community as a separate entity and marginalized even by the LGBT community. Those days are gone.

The realization of the Charlotte Interfaith Connection is the result of what happens when people of passion come together. What was once only a dream is a vibrant organization dedicated to demonstrating to the LGBT community that there really are churches, temples and synogagues that welcome us with open arms. Our direct mail campaign several months ago was a major success.

We knew we would be reaching the churches and the community itself. We also reached out to each other. The support from our clergy, Pastor Nancy Kraft of Holy Trinity Lutheran Church and Rev. Ryusho Jeffus from the Buddhist Temple has shown the world first hand that we are what we say, open and inclusive. Our friends from Temple Beth El have invited us to a number of their events. We have only begun our work.

Elke Kennedy of Sean's Last Wish gave an impassioned speech clarifying the moral imperative of the Matthew Shepherd Hate Crimes Prevention Act.

I had the privilege of speaking at 4:15. My message is simple; the old days are past and now is the time for unity. There are two things we can do, something, or nothing. Together we can change the world.

Some of us have seen the future these past few months. I believe the future becomes the present through sheer will power. As I said elsewhere this morning, when you know you are on the right side of history and the future, nothing can stop you. We are, and nothing did.

What a fantastic week!

Pride month

When I look at the calendar for July, I wonder how it ever got so full. We have Charlotte Black Gay Pride July 18 and Pride Charlotte July 25. Between and around those two dates are a number of LGBT events.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is presenting The Transgender Living Experience and Library July 21 at The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center. A member, Stephanie Marie is organizing the event and I have no doubt it will be first class.

I've told some of the groups here that I came out 40 years ago this month, the exact time of the Stonewall Riots. I know we have a lot of progress to yet make but sometimes we need to stop and realize how far we've come.

I am convinced that Charlotte Gender Alliance has helped change the face of the LGBT community in Charlotte and thus, the city itself. Oh, I still have gay friends who say they don't understand transgender people. I totally respect that and some of us don't understand them. As always, the key is in listening to each other.

Speaking of listening to each other, the Community Roundtable last month was such a success that we're making it a regular event. The next roundtable will be July 23, two days before Pride. This year's Pride theme is 'Out is In'. Building upon that, this month's roundtable topic will be 'Out is in....in the workplace environment". I should add, 'or the lack of a workplace environment'. One of the ground rules will be that no labels are to be used. Our lives are not defined by being LGBT and I think we all have enough labels in our day to day lives. You can click here to visit the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center website.

The Charlotte Interfaith Connection continues to be a blessing. The purpose was to reach out to other faith communities and the LGBT community. We've also become friends with each other. I went to a July 4 cookout with some friends from Temple Beth El. Ryusho, priest at the Buddhist Temple in Charlotte has become a dear friend.

This organization has shown again that we not only need to think outside the box. We have to step outside the box and outside our comfort zone. As I say so often, we have to allow ourselves to fail before we can succeed. It took me a long time to learn that.