New Years Eve

Congratulations to Angela Brightfeather on being named Q-Notes Person of the Year.

People with both passion and compassion will not always agree on every issue. I will always stand either beside or behind Angela, a time that may come sooner rather than later. More on that to follow.

2008 was an amazing year, as they all are, but this year was one of more changes than ever. The cool thing about change, one leads to another....and another.

Each New Years Eve, I listen to this ABBA tune from 12/31/79. You can listen here if you'd like.

Happy new year to everyone, including those dear friends I will not see in '09.

Walkin' In Memphis

It may be time to rewrite the lyrics to that song because transgender people are quite wary of 'Walkin' in Memphis' these days.

Leeneshia Edwards, a transgender woman was shot in the face Christmas Eve in Memphis, bringing the total to three for the year in that city and four in the last four years. She remains in critical condition and they are seeking the assailant. You can read about it here.

This is on the heels of Duanna Johnson's murder in November, which followed an incident of police brutality during the summer. The lawsuit is still pending for the family on that one. The two officers in question have been discharged. The video is not fun to watch.

No doubt we will hear Ms Edwards defined by her ethnicity or personal life circumstance. As in the past, the inference may be that she put herself in a bad situation and deserved what she got. People actually do say that. My transgender friends who read this know what's going on. I'm writing for benefit of any non TG people who may read this.

We had to read the names of far too many murdered human beings November 20th. Any transperson could be on that list, me or anyone I know. It remains a fact people are stereotyped by preconceived ideas, many times by what they see on Jerry Springer. Thankfully, there are enough people putting themselves out there to the point people are learning we are quite the opposite.

The Matthew Shepherd Hate Crimes Prevention Act is so vitally important. President Elect Obama has stated this to be one of his priorities. Let us hope.

Post Christmas

Christmas was unique in many ways this year. I did not see any of my family, which is something that brings sadness to all of us who are in this situation. I sincerely hope that changes. I did have email contact with my daughter, with the plan for us to have dinner soon.

Our Christmas Day open house at the LGBT Community Center was a major success. There were lots of people I met for the first time. I had an RSVP from the priest at a Buddhist Temple in Charlotte. He wanted to come and support our community. He was most welcome and a very nice gentleman to talk with. I hope we see him again soon.

The cool thing, and what we wanted was for people of differing faiths and orientation to come together to enjoy each other's company. It was a good thing to do and I'm sure we will do it again.

Christmas Eve I had lunch with Linda, a dear friend I had not seen in a while. In the evening we had a chili supper, then the Candlelight Service at church. It's always one of the more special times of Christmas and this year was no exception.

Melanie is having problems with her knees still, so we got together Christmas night. Otherwise she would have been at the open house Christmas day. All in all, a wonderful Christmas.

The Day Before Christmas Eve

Below is a piece I posted two years ago today. I believe it is still pertinent in so many ways. Sometimes I need to search my heart and turn my own words into action.

12/23/06

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. This day seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me". I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know lasting peace will remain elusive until the final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire?

As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of our world, and ourselves is forever changed. A changed heart will be the source of our peace. As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 21, 2008

Last night was a little holiday party, which always reminds me how much I enjoy Christmas. Unfortunately there are so many others who are not enjoying the season, whether due to the economy, job loss, family loss or a combination of these things. As I have said so often, the peace we seek is already right there just waiting for us.

Here in Charlotte, we have decided to open the LGBT Community Center Christmas Day from 1 PM until 6 PM. There will be plenty of food and a time to meet some nice folks. If you live near Charlotte, or will be passing through that day, we would love to have you. It is not necessary to RSVP unless someone wants to let me know if they are bringing a dish. I'm keeping a list to be sure we have enough variety. It is also not necessary to RSVP to break bread with us. Send me an email if you need information or directions.

The really cool thing is we will always embrace diversity. Some straight allies are coming, along with a some folks who don't celebrate Christmas. We really can get together under one roof, no matter who we are, and enjoy each other's company. There will be music on the keyboard, which leads me to say I promised to not sing. That in itself should boost attendance.

Charlotte Gender Alliance will be moving into The Center on a permanent basis beginning with the January 3rd meeting. This will afford us so many more amenities and flexibility in our meetings. Most of all, it is a step towards a united LGBT community. It's not a quantum leap in unity but it's pretty cool.

Interfaith Coalition

In September I attended a three day conference at Wake Forest Divinity School on 'Towards Building a Welcoming and Inclusive Church'. I've written at length on the importance of this, and addressing the chasm that exists between the LGBT Community and 'the church'.

A number of us from the conference have kept in touch since then. The folks in Winston Salem have organized an Interfaith Coalition. I joined them for last night's meeting. It is always good seeing old friends again and making new ones. There were representatives from the Methodist, Episcopalian, Pentecostal, MCC and United Church of Christ denominations.

Most importantly is the focus of the effort. Once we know our purpose, which had already been clearly stated, the next step is to define our goals. I heard some excellent ideas, one of which is group bible study to focus on our own innate prejudice. In other words, how can we ask a church to be Open & Affirming until we have searched our own hearts?

No one is perfect and each of us has personal issues. No one is exempt, especially me. To that end, it was suggested we have a series of bible study sessions to help us better deal with ourselves.

The churches which have had the courage to make an O&A statement should be honored. A lot of progress has been made in the faith community, but all you have to do is attend a Pride event to see how far we have to go. Someone last night remembered the protestor at NC Pride in Durham who carried a sign, 'you deserve hell'.

Unfortunately, some Christians are strident with their message to the point they drive a wedge between people. This is true in general, but especially where the LGBT community is concerned. That is an understatement of the highest magnitude.

As someone said last night, we carry signs in the Pride parade saying 'What would Jesus do? We would do well to ask ourselves that question. It's time we did.

Christmas party

Last evening was the Kappa Beta Christmas party. I intentionally don't talk a lot about myself in this blog because it would be boring, but I was given the greatest honor I've had in a long time.

A Kappa Beta member, Dyana Lea passed away this year. She was well past eighty years old and was active until the end. She was an inspiration to anyone who knew her.

The Kappa Beta Board of Directors presented me the first 'Dyana Lea Memorial for Outstanding Service to the Transgender Community'. Above is a photo of my dear friend Nancy presenting the award. I was almost speechless; note the 'almost'. You can click to enlarge

Real achievements are never accomplished by one person. Rather, each organization or outreach is but the sum of all the parts. Our success or failure is dependant upon each other.

If a group member touches one life by listening to someone in need, they may have accomplished as much as any activist. In a large sense, each of us is a representative of our community. Activism takes many forms.

I often wonder how many people read this blog, but if you are contemplating visiting a support group, you will be a valuable addition wherever you live.

I attended a laser workshop last week. I am seriously considering laser aesthetics as a new career. There will always be the debate between laser and electrolysis as to which is most effective. Each has it's place in the right situation and perfomed properly.

December 7, 2008

Yesterday morning we had a Sean's Last Wish board meeting in Greenville, SC at 8:30 AM, followed by a volunteer meeting at 2 PM. I think there were 9 new volunteers which is a wonderful show of passion and support.

A videographer taped The Day of Remembrance ceremonies in Charlotte which we viewed during the volunteer meeting. I swear I got as emotional watching this as I did during the event. It's just such an overwhelming feeling when you think about all the people we don't know about who are suffering abuse.

Incidentally, if you are looking for a unique Christmas gift which will make an impact on the life of the giftee, I would encourage you to consider the book, 'Crisis' by Mitchell Gold. Sean's story is this book, as well as that of certain men and women who are quite well known. If you purchase through the website, profits go to the foundation. There is still time before Christmas.

I got back to Charlotte in time for our Charlotte Gender Alliance meeting at 7 PM. It was a busy day, but filled with events which are vitally important.

December 1, 2008

Today is World Aids Day. Two friends and I went downtown at noon to pay respects during the ceremony and reading of the names. A church service was held this evening.

Naturally I thought of The Transgender Day of Remembrance and our reading of names. If we are to become one community, and I believe we must, all segments of that community need to be supportive of each other.

Many years ago there was debate about the wisdom of the transgender community aligning with the LGB community. You still hear it occasionally. What I thought of that issue now or then d0es not matter. It's been done and we'd best realize we are eternally classified as one community. I guess you could say we are joined at the hip. We need to be joined at the heart.

We are certainly not at the forefront of that goal in NC, but I believe we are doing better. I found it noteworthy that we had more gay and straight allies attend our event than we did transgender people. I have to admit that gives me reason to think we have some work to do in motivating our own people.

Thanksgiving

It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is already over and Christmas season is here. This is positively my favorite time of the year.

I had Thanksgiving dinner with Melanie and her family, as we usually do. She always has a turkey and a ham, plus all the other side dishes. I wrote about her knee surgeries earlier this year. All the work getting ready for dinner didn't help her. She is in a lot of pain this evening.

I always liked going to the parade in Charlotte, which was sort of a mini version of Macy's. I watched on TV this year and it was actually well done. There was a lot of diversity which reflects the climate of our city. I thought of the diversity in our community and some things we could do in the way of future education and outreach, but that's another story.

Anyway, there was a Mariachi band in the line up. You know how they have a prearranged stop in front of the cameras. I swear, the trumpet player took a phone call during their prime time stop. It was one of those moments where you feel sorry for them missing their opportunity, but still comical in it's way.

After The Day of Remembrance ceremonies last week coming so close to the holidays, I've thought a lot about people in our community who are isolated. Especially in these economic times, there are people close by who have lost everything. I made a post elsewhere this week that, if you find yourself in crisis, do not hesitate to call someone. This is what the emergency people are trained to do and there is no shame in seeking help.

The names we read last week were the tip of the iceberg in terms of wrecked lives and suicide. The tragedy would be for one more life to not be all it could be. I just encourage anyone who needs help, don't be afraid to seek it. Do whatever it takes to survive, but above all else, survive.

It is not logical for a human being to be rejected only because of who they are, but it remains the reality for all too many. The murders this year were often due to someone's fear of anyone different from their version of normal.

In a sense, the same principle applies when LGBT people are rejected by family and coworkers. Why people find it hard to accept that which is different from them, I will never understand. I still maintain the answer lies in pride in who we are and the ultimate removal of the mask many of us are forced to wear. The thing about wearing a mask, people may not be able to see into the real you, but it prevents the real you from seeing out.

November 23, 2008

The Transgender Day of Remembrance is always emotional for me, but this year it was overwhelming. One of our members had a cake made with the names of the victims thus far in 2008, with special tribute to Sean Kennedy. I found myself thinking all day of people I knew years ago who are no longer with us.

After the speeches, including Elke Kennedy, we had an outdoor candlelight vigil followed by a reading of the names, accompanied by a chime after each name was read. Emotional does not describe it.

Special thanks go to the leaders at The Lesbian & Gay Community Center. Their cooperation was amazing and will not be forgotten. As I said Thursday evening, as far as I'm concerned, we're family.

Saturday was a women's business bazaar at the center. I met some nice people and got an idea or two about something I want to do in the future.

Two months ago, Elke had asked if I would serve on the board of directors of Sean's Last Wish. Naturally I told her I would be honored. There is so much important outreach to be accomplished and I can think of no one whom I would be more honored to stand beside.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance

The observance in Charlotte will be this evening at 7:30. I invite anyone who feels so led to watch the following videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s05LdQTUk6k&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUhZzvBiv4Y&feature=related

May there come a day when there will be no new names to be read.

November 16, 2008

Yesterday was an all day meeting of the S.C. Progressive network in Columbia. This is an organization comprised of 59 other activist groups. There were all day speakers on topics ranging from the environment, legal issues and LGBT rights.
Elke was presented the Thunder & Lightning award Saturday evening, which was well deserved.

At 1 PM, a number of us drove to the SC State Capitol for the demonstration against Prop 8. It's always good to feed off the energy from these events and this was no exception. There was a similar demonstration in Charlotte, but I've not figured how to be in two places at once yet.

Something occurred to me that has been discussed within the transgender community by a number of people I respect and admire. We are proud to stand with our gay friends in the cause for equal rights. As we approach The Transgender Day of Remembrance, the reality is that people in all segments of the LGBT community are being murdered out there.

There was a vigil in Memphis, TN today for Duanna Johnson, the most recent transgendered human being who was murdered. Read about it here. Her funeral was this past Friday.

Issues as basic as the right to exist, or the right to employment are on a par with equal marriage legislation. We are getting total support from the Gay & Lesbian Community Center in Charlotte. I personally view this as one of the more positive signs I've seen, perhaps ever. They are doing an email blast tomorrow to get the word out about our ceremony Thursday evening. Pretty awesome!

Until each of us comes to the realization that we have more commonalities than disparities, we will never reach our full potential either as individuals, or as a community.

Some say trans people don't 'get' gay people and vice versa. The needs are so great, we would do well to learn to 'get' each other. The answer is within us; it is we who chose our destiny and no one else.

Anyhow, I got home a little before midnight, in time to bake a casserole for a potluck lunch after church service this morning.

November 12, 2008

The Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies in Charlotte have been finalized. You can click on the flyer to enlarge.

Elke Kennedy will speak during the event. We are fortunate and honored to have her.

We will have another name to read that evening, Duanna Johnson of Memphis, TN was found murdered this past Sunday evening. She is the transgender woman who was victim of police brutality this past July. The video is not fun to watch. You can read about the murder here. The list of names was already far too long to even contemplate.

This past Saturday evening was the Fall Soiree of PFLAG Salisbury. Proceeds from the event went to their scholarship fund. This chapter has come to mean a lot to me and I'm a proud member. Elke, Jim and their friend Leslie came to Salisbury after their training. Elke was invited to speak and of course was as powerful as always.

Stop The Hate - Nov 7, 2008

This evening was the Matthew Shephard Stop The Hate concert at UNCC. Elke and Jim are in Charlotte several days for the training session. We had dinner last night; the concert was this evening.

The concert was to commemorate last month's tenth anniversary of Matthew Shephard's murder. Elke and Jim were recognized during the evening for their work in Sean's Last Wish. Even during the concert, people come up to Elke just to share a word or a hug. There is no way to calculate the number of lives she and Jim have touched in the last year and a half.

The purpose of the training sessions is to train the trainers as activists on college campuses and elsewhere. In 20-2o hindsight, I wish I had signed up for the training.

I'm just like anyone else, I get caught up in living my own life along with the accompanying daily drama, and my life has had it's share this year. I even find myself concerned about the drama in support groups, something that has absolutely no useful purpose I can think of.

Then I enjoy an evening at the Matthew Shephard concert, spend time networking with other like minded people and realize this and the people in the LGBT community who are persecuted only because of 'being' is all that really matters. My batteries must not have been too low because they are fully charged early on a Saturday morning.

November 5, 2008

Last night was our class at the university. We've been having a panel discussion with a human sexuality class for quite a number of years. It's been my pleasure to be coordinator the last several years. It's always good to bring people who are doing this the first time. No one has ever been sorry they came. This visit, one of our gentleman members attended. I was proud of Leigh for doing this. He, and everyone did a great job as always.

Weekend before last, I was invited to a wedding reception for Connie, one of the girls I worked with. It was good seeing her and Regina again. I've put up a photo we took. You can click to enlarge.

Charlotte Gender Alliance is planning our event for The Transgender Day of Remembrance November 20th. Details to follow, but this event should be well attended. The community center in Charlotte is working with us in a major way to promote this. I believe this will be a time of relationship building with them. I can easily envision our organization meeting there in the near future.

We are quickly outgrowing our current meeting place. The conference table was full this past Saturday evening, with people taking seats behind the table. We never expected this kind of growth, but it is of no surprise. As with anything worthwhile, you find a need and then fill it.

one year later

Tomorrow is exactly one year since my facial surgery. It has made life much easier, so I would definitely do it again. I have thought of posting photos the day after surgery, but I can't bring myself to do it. I never knew it was possible to feel so horrible for so long, although they said I did great. The chin implant has helped round out my face; at least I think it has. You know you look bad when you get up in the morning, the cat takes a look at you and promptly throws up. That did happen.

My friend Roberta was on a panel discussion at Queens University in Charlotte last week. There was a showing of 'For The Bible Tells Me So'. There was a panel discussion afterward on what the bible says about homosexuality. As always, being transgender would not have been mentioned until Roberta volunteered for the panel. She did a great job.

I'm doing a corporate presentation in a couple weeks. I enjoy events like this so much and always look forward to the event when the time comes. We have a planning session tomorrow.

Elizabeth Birch at UNCC

Former Human Rights Campaign director, Elizabeth Birch spoke at The University of North Carolina at Charlotte last evening. Her speech evidenced her devotion to the cause of human dignity and was well received.

As I was expecting, the subject of The Employment Non Discrimination Act (ENDA) came up. How could it not? She pointed out they were within one vote of passing ENDA in 1995.

During the post event reception, I was able to speak with her one on one. She is as appalled as anyone over the rift between HRC and the transgender community. Her comments about imploring Barney Frank to support a trans inclusive ENDA were interesting.

It would not serve well for me to make a lengthy commentary on ENDA. Donna Rose, a former HRC board member has done a better job of maintaining a timeline than anyone I know of.

Elke Kennedy has been interviewed by GLAAD. You can read the interview here. The energy and courage of this woman continue to amaze me. I'm proud to call her my friend.

If you go the GLAAD blog home page, another transgender woman was murdered in August. She passed away August 30th. Nakhia Williams will be another human being to be remembered on The Transgender Day of Remembrance next month.

my daughter's wedding

I don't write a lot about my personal life, except for the nut in the gas line last week. However, my daughter was married yesterday.

This was one of the more emotional times I've had this year, and I've already had a few. I had not seen either of my children in several years. I truly hope this is the start of a new relationship. There are a myriad of issues to discuss and begin to heal. The real healing will begin with only one word.......love.

Her husband is a fine young man, in the Army and will begin his second tour in Iraq October 17th. I thanked him for for what he has done for us and am proud for him to be my son in law.

My son's brother in law is a Marine, having joined the service earlier this year. As I spoke with him, the pride in his voice and his demeanor was palpable. These are people to be proud of.

My ex wife and I were cordial, which is no small thing. She probaby would not believe how I have worried about her, although I have.

I have to also admit I never knew I had so many tears to cry, but that's okay. Tears bring a healing in many ways.

I don't always agree with people in the transgender community why try to reconstruct their past. I respect their decision because this is an individual choice and we do what we must to survive. However, in my view, we are all the sum total of everything we have ever done or been. I will always be a father, and proudly so. It is part of who I am. Everyone changes as a person over time, some of us moreso than others, which is putting it mildly. This part of me will never change. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding we have always been who we are; only the outward appearance changes.

Nuts in Charlotte

The gas situation in the southeast is insane. More specifically, some folks in Charlotte are insane. I found fuel yesterday with only two people ahead in line. I thought, how cool is this? A guy in a Mercedes creeped out his door, moseyed over to the pump and suddenly realized he just might need his debit card.

He fumbled through his wallet and laid out all the cards on the trunk. Having found the treasured debit card, he realized he would need a PIN number. He fumbled a while longer while folks in line were running on fumes. You would have thought the guy was playng Solitaire on the top of that trunk lid. He finally got lucky and picked the right card, then gave me a smile.

I wondered to myself what he would say if I took out a baseball bat and asked him the eternal riddle: What happens when you hit a Mercedes with a ball bat? Answer -- The Mercedes Bends.

I gotta get in anger management.