Christmas

The day before Christmas Eve is one of my favorites. The following two days are always busy. Today seems like a quieter time to enjoy the season, the music and the message.

I saw the bumper sticker today, "Let Peace Begin With Me".

I began thinking of the Christmas songs we hear each year. We sing, "next year, all our troubles will be miles away". But we sang the same song last year and the years before that. Yet, our troubles remain as close as the next moment.

We sing of "Peace on Earth", but we know peace will only come upon our final day of judgment.

Where then do we find the peace of which we sing, or the freedom from trouble which we desire? As with all things in life that truly count, a peaceful heart will only come from within.

Peace will come when we accept ourselves as unique individuals, each with our unique blessing.

Peace will come when we accept others without prejudice of any kind, not merely a tacit acceptance to which we pay lip service, but acceptance without reservation or condition.

Peace from within will often require making a stand for what we know to be right, knowing it may not be popular with coworkers or friends.

Peace may entail becoming an advocate for those unable to speak for themselves. The needs are many.

Peace will not come by self promotion, or allowing our deeds to give us an inflated sense of importance.

Ultimately, peace will come when we accept the true message of Christmas, "For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ The Lord".

Once we accept the real meaning of Christmas, our view of the world, and ourselves is forever changed. At the very least, there can be "pockets of peace".

As the bumper sticker said, "Let peace begin with me".

December 19, 2006

This is the time of year when a project called Room In The Inn is quite active. Various churches, including ours, take in homeless neighbors for a night to provide a good meal and a warm bed. For those who prepare a meal, or act as servers, it's a small contribution which probably has as much meaning to the volunteer as it does the recipient.

It was good to hear a local television station is taking part by collecting donations.

During a recent cold snap, the Charlotte Urban Ministry was short 1000 beds. A local church opened it's doors and took in 200 women.

Clearly, the need remains greater than the resources. The effort gets most attention in winter months, especially around Christmas. The problem is year round.



Last night was the Time Out Youth meeting, which included GenderSpace. I have said before how the young folks impress me, so I won't belabor the point. They are too cool.



Our support group Christmas party was this past Saturday night and a whole lot of fun. My GG friends, Melanie and Stephanie attended again this year. They always enjoy meeting my other friends. It's fun when your friends from two parts of life have an opportunity to say hello to each other.


I don't vent very often, so this will be as close as I come. It has eternally bothered me when people in the TG community have an elevated perception of their importance to the community. I am not speaking of anyone in my immediate circle of friends, nor my support group. Now and then we see people who, in each conversation, feel compelled to recite their resume'. It is not new.

In my view, the greatest contributions are made by those who live their lives in such a way as to be an example to others, or who show their care for others in any number of ways. I am priveleged to know several of those people now, to have knowledge of others and to be aware there are others whose names will never be known. To those good people, each of us is indebted.

odds & ends

I must be in the spirit of Christmas. I'm finally enjoying 'Holly Jolly Christmas' by Burl Ives. That's a sure sign for me.

I probably won't see my children this year. I haven't seen my daughter since last year. She got what she wanted financially and hasn't seen fit to visit since last Christmas. I called my son, but haven't heard from him...yet. I will read again what I say about letting go.

I made a bit of a mistake last night. I decided to look at some very old photographs of my family. These go back many years. I found one of my ex holding my six month old son in the back yard. It got to me in a major way. I won't be doing that again for a while. My emotions are running rampant these days.

Last Monday evening was the Time Out Youth potluck social. It was at a coffee house and a lot of fun. Some of the young folks performed original poetry and musical compositions. I read the piece I wrote on The Transgender Day of Remembrance in November. Some of the people seem to appreciate it, which makes me feel good.

I'm one of the volunteers, but I think I'm the one who gets the most benefit. The maturity of these young people is in stark contrast to my life as a teen. I told them I know people who have spent a lifetime trying to find their way. They have already done it.

There is a new transgendered character introduced on 'All My Children'. I've set the DVR a few times to get a feel for it. So far, I am underwhelmed. I have not seen a lot of depth to this character so far. There truly is no pun intended there.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

This past Monday, November 20 was The Transgender Day of Remembrance. I was afforded the opportunity to take part in a panel discussion, followed by the lighting of candles.

It was somewhat emotional for me to do this. I think each day about people I have known in years past. While they were not subjected to violence, they were victimized emotionally.

It is amazing to me that in the 21st century, people would hate someone because they are different. It's reality.

A sure sign of Christmas happened locally the day after Thanksgiving. Some people at a mall were trampled in a mad stampede to be the first at something or the other. I'm sure this happens in other places, but it's another of the oddities of life I fail to understand. It occurred to me these folks probably had their car radio tuned to music hoping for peace on earth, but woe be unto someone who stands in the way of the new X-Box. Beats the heck out of me.

change of seasons

I realized I've not updated my blog in several months and two changes of seasons have taken place.

I am still in awe of how good life can be sometimes. I have been able to do a small amount of volunteering at Time Out Youth, although not enough. These young folks amaze me. I told the group a couple months ago that I've known people who live a lifetime and never really get in touch with their 'true selves'. It is I who learn from them.

Fathers' Day came and went, as did a birthday, without a call from my daughter. I did hear from my son and have seen him, which means more than can be put into words.

I thought a lot about Fathers' Day this year. I have known some people who attempt to sever their ties to the past and shun the label of father, brother or son. I would not critize anyone for their decisions, but I will always be proud to be a father to my children. It is the past that has shaped who we are today. Anyhow, this is only my opinion.

I never cease to be amazed at the bickering that goes on within what are supposed to support groups. I am watching it happen now in more than one group. The groups and the names don't matter. The outcome is the same. When we spend our energy and time in flame wars over personal slights, whether real or perceived, we take away from the good that can be accomplished by the larger number. It is just so easy to get caught up with 'self' that the needs of others fall by the wayside. Each of us is guilty to some extent, this writer included, I am certain.

We had our semester visit to The University of North Carolina at Charlotte last week. This outreach continues to be one of the more satisfying efforts for me personally, and I believe for the others who attend.

It occurred to me during last week's class that someone with courage began this outreach 17 years ago. There are three classes per year, which is 51 classes. Assuming 30 students per class (there are usually more) that is 1,530 people who have seen a positive image of TG people from varying points on the spectrum.

I would wonder how many of those people were questioning their own gender identity. Societal norms tell us a certain percentage would be. The rest may be more open to friends or relatives whom they may learn are questioning. It's a pretty cool thought in those terms.

Visit to UNCC

Yesterday was our once per semester visit to the Unversity of North Carolina at Charlotte sociology class. This was my third occasion to attend and, as always, we were treated with respect and asked some extremely insightful questions. These classes are always a positive and uplifting experience. Four of us went and two were making their first visit, which I thought was wonderful.

This outreach was begun over 16 years ago and continues now. I often wonder how many young people who are struggling with TG issues may have been touched during these years and so many visits. I have a feeling it is more than a few.

Southeast Regional Time Out Youth Conference

May 12th and 13th, I had the opportunity to attend the Time Out Youth Conference held in Charlotte, NC. A group of four from my church took part in a workshop led by our pastor. I also was able to attend the various workshops as they took place both days.

A couple things struck me very quickly. Young people these days seem so much more intelligent than I remember us being in our teens. Perhaps it's this group and the sense of focus they possessed. I don't know, but if they are indicative of the mainstream, our future will be in good hands.

The number of teens who identified as being transgendered was relatively small, which I believe reflects the overall percentage we think of in society as a whole. What did surprise me was that the majority of the young people who identified as transgendered were F2M. I only recall one young person who identified as M2F, although there were perhaps others.

Again, whether this is indicative of this particuar conference, or reflects the norm, I do not know. What I do know is these young people have the same challenges and issues to over come that each of us did, irrespective or our age or place on the transgender continuum.

As I have said so often, all each of us is seeking is to 'find our way' in life. It was gratifying to see people at such a young age who are well on the way to finding their way.

The keynote speaker for Saturday was Kate Bornstein, well known author, lecturer, and performance artist. It was a pleasure to meet her in person.

April 29, 2006

Last weekend, I was afforded the opportunity to attend a Saturday morning seminar presented by the Electrology Association of N.C. (EANC) A presenter was Susan Anderer of the Illinois School of Electrology. Her primary lecture topic was a new technique known as the "Sequential Inverted Micro-Pulse Led Energy Technique". Obviously, I am speaking as a non professional, but this is an approach using a series of electrical pulses, as opposed to one longer continuous pulse. These pulses last 1/1000 of a second, the blink of an eye. Typically, there are a series of nine pulses, depending upon the coarsness of the hair, or the stage of the growth at which the follicle happens to be. She experimented with as few as six pulses.

I was the subject of a demonstration for the electrologists present, using this technique. This was because I still have what are known as "terminal" hairs. No, this does not mean they grew at the airport. (S'cuse the humor!) Additionally, these follicles were in anagen (growth) stage. It would not be proper for me to judge the effectiveness of this approach, being a layperson. Suffice it to say, the 90 minute presentation, and subsequent demonstration were extremely educational.

Someone thanked me for being the subject. I told them I'm like someone looking for a handout. I'll go anywhere to get a few hairs zapped. Incidentally, Ms Anderer is lecturing at "Be All" in Chicago this June. http://www.be-all.org/


Lastly for now, anyone who knows me also knows I am a Seinfeld fan, which is putting it mildly. I saw 'Capote' recently. I was probably one of the few people yet to see the movie. I wanted to judge for myself if Philip Hoffman deserved his Oscar for best actor. He definitely did. He was awesome. In any case, the actor who played the role of Truman Capote's agent also played the Seinfeld role of Russel Dalrymple, the president of NBC when Jerry and George were pitching their pilot.

I may be wrong on this one, but I could almost swear Perry Smith, one of the killers was the guy who played the Puerto Rican waiter whom George caused to be fired at a restaurant in one episode. George and Kramer went to his apartment and accidently let the guy's cat out. I've googled this one and still can't be certain, but it looked like him.

Then, I had my nails done the other day. This is a salon I've been to a few times and the ladies are quite nice. There was a wonderfully done Seinfeld episode which took place in a chinese restaurant. The gang could not be seated and when they asked how long it would be, the host always said, "oh....five, ten minutes". I swear, the owner, Luan came over and said, "it be......five, ten minutes". True to the script, it was more like twenty minutes. Granted, she was not chinese, but it was close enough. Hey, you take humor in life wherever you can find it.

life's humor, then lows

I was in the library again the other day and found a couple books I wanted to check out. It occurred to me I'd not gotten a library card yet in my name, which is something I need to take care of.

Anyway, I told the librarian this was 'my husband's card'. She scanned in the computer and said, "it looks like he has a $.20 overdue fine". All I had was a ten, so she said, "he can pay it next time he's in".

I thought of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates a girl he thinks is too much like him. He says, "I've found who I've been looking for..me. Now I've swept myself off my feet!" Life can be a hoot sometimes.


Then life has it's low points. I wrote at Christmas how excited I was that my daughter and son came over for a visit, after not seeing them in several years. I was hoping my daughter had not come only because she wanted financial help. Unfortunately, the last several months have proved this was the case. It adds sadness to an otherwise wonderful life. She hung up the phone on me the other night, after using not very nice words.

I need to read again what I wrote about letting go, and take my own advice. Not an easy thing to do where your children are concerned....but it's reality.

I went back to that place where my two friends were refused service. Those two young men are either no longer there, or are not working when I go in. As I said, discrimination in any form is unacceptable and must not go unchallenged.

Synchronicity

Sometimes I think things happen in sequence to send us a little message here and there. One of my favorite simple pleasures is to spend time with coffee and some reading in Starbucks.

The other day I was enjoying my hour of coffee, and reading a womens' daily devotional Melanie gave me. The title is "Woman, Thou Art Loosed", by Bishop T. D. Jakes. It contains a lot of meaningful faith based messages which I find inspirational.

In any case, you don't see books of this genre, or by this author just every day. When I left Starbucks, I stopped by the library to check new releases. The first new book that met my eye was another by Bishop T. D. Jakes. The title, "God's Message for the Single Woman". I suppose it's appropriate, and perhaps a bit of synchronicity. As I think back over time, there are many such small events, and this is probably true for all of us.

Individual Rights

Even with the positive media exposure our community has received lately, and the increased acceptance we like to believe exists, things still happen to let us know there is a long way to go.

A couple weeks ago, two friends went to a fast food restaurant and were refused service by two employees. As they patiently waited at the counter to place their order, the two male cashiers went to the rear of the restaurant, turned their back and intentionally ignored them. Eventually, a female worker came to the front and took their order. Big whoop de do!

It normally takes a lot to get my dander up, but this one did. I mean, come on now, Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that "we are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".

Um, excuse me! Having a sandwich and coffee in our chosen gender role is one of the ways a number of us pursue happiness.

I personally went back to this place a few days ago. Apparantly, these two young men were not working that day. I am normally a very retiring person. I have to say when I walked in there, I felt like Clint Eastwood. I wanted to say "go ahead punk, make my day". I am anything but confrontational, but I had a right to sit in a booth and enjoy my iced tea, which I did.

In this day and age in America, discrimination in any form is simply unacceptable. I don't believe this one is over yet.


Back again to the Oscars this past Sunday, I find it to be a commentary on the state of Hollywood, and the world, when a 'song' about a pimp and his hookers won 'Best Song'. But hey, that's just me.

March 8, 2006

I watched the Oscars Sunday evening for the first time ever. Of course, I had an ulterior motive in hoping Felicity Huffman would win 'best actress' for 'Transamerica'. Although I was hoping she would, I was not surprised she didn't.

That fact does not diminish the impact this motion picture has in portraying a transsexual as simply a person who is seeking happiness. As Dolly Parton sings, "questions I have many, answers but a few". How true that is, and applies to all of us. (although oftentimes we won't admit we have more questions than answers)

The impact of this movie was demonstrated by the Larry King show a couple weeks ago, in which there were a number of transsexual panelists. There have been others. It may not be an overstatement to say we took a quantum leap in outreach.


With my change in employment, there is only one of the old 'gang' with whom I'm keeping in touch. We spoke today and will meet for lunch one day soon.

'Getting on with it'

In my post of January 1st, I spoke of the new year as the end of the beginning. I didn't know the future would come upon me so quickly.

After Christmas, I wrote of Melanie caring for Jean, an elderly lady whom she met at a senior center. Jean became very ill Feb. 1st. Melanie kept her vow to Jean and stayed by her side in the hospital. As I watched Jean's life slip away, I emotionally relived my own mother's death six years ago, as did Melanie. Jean's room was only a few doors from mom's room.

In those days and hours, there is time for personal reflection. Melanie whispered in Jean's ear that it was okay to 'let go'. The dear woman did let go the morning of Feb. 4th.

It occurred to me that 'letting go' can have many meanings throughout a lifetime. There are times when we must 'let go' friends, family, possessions, careers and eventually, even life itself. In 'letting go' we often gain much more than we have lost. I have no doubt that in 'letting go', Jean is now with our Heavenly Father.

I underwent a job change in the month of February. I had been in an extremely stressful situation the last several years. During the evening of Feb. 2nd, in the darkened hospital room, I realized the old saying about the 'final straw' was gradually taking shape at my workplace. I thought of the lessons of 9/11, of which I speak so often; time is such a precious commodity and it is incumbent upon each of us to live life to it's fullest. I realized in those wee hours that it was time for me to 'let go'.

The next morning, I tendered my resignation. I was able to take a month off work and have arranged new employment.

Today as I was leaving church, I asked myself if life could get any better for me than it is right now. I have no doubt I made the right decision, irrespective of change never being easy for me. I do believe life will get even better. There are goals yet to be achieved.


The evening of January 31st, I and three other members of Kappa Beta, a support group, visited a sociology class at The University of North Carolina at Charlotte. This continues a tradition begun by another member 15 years ago. In his opening remarks, the professor spoke of a phone call he received almost 16 years ago. The caller asked the professor if he was versed on transgender issues. In the last 15 years, countless students know a great deal more about a subject which remains an enigma to so many.

During those remarks, I found myself wondering how many students have been shown we are not what you see on Jerry Springer. I wondered how many young people were dealing with the very issues of guilt and self doubt that we have, and were given hope.

I probably too often use the analogy that 'we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us'. It happens to be true. That phone call by Bobbi Renee, almost 16 years ago, began an outreach that continues today.

The class visit probably meant more to us than it did to most of the students. There are countless others in our community doing infinitely more in the way of education and outreach than we did. The level of acceptance we enjoy today is sum total of effort by many unsung men and women. It is an awesome feeling to be even a small part of that sum total.

Each of us gave a short presentation on our lives, followed by a question and answer session with the students. We were extremely well received and were able to visit personally with several students after class.

Go Panthers!

Only a personal note this evening, Go Panthers! I had a bad feeling about the Giants going into the game yesterday, but John Fox had the guys ready. Only two games away from the Super Bowl!

The End of the Beginning

2005 was a good year for me. It was a time of new friendships, reconciliation with family members and a realization of the things in life that count most. The year was not without a good portion of disappointments, but no life is without failure and stumbling. Without these valleys, we would not appreciate the peaks.

When my separation took place in 2001, Melanie gave me a plaque that simply stated "if we cannot find peace within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elswhere". I feel an inner peace which was not there at this time last year. It is a feeling life is on the right course. It is a good feeling.

I have never made new years resolutions. I never keep them anyway, and they are largely forgotten by the middle of January.

Rather, as I reflect on the past year, and the things for which I am thankful, the course becomes clear for the coming year.

There is much to appreciate. I have some of the most amazing friends a person could hope for. I had a thorough physical last spring, including a stress test. The results were perfect, allowing me to make some definitive plans for the continuation of life's journey.

I made a quantum leap in electrolysis in '05. I truly believe I have found the premier electrologist on this planet, perhaps even the universe......if electrolysis is even necessary elsewhere in the universe. She has the URL to my website, so if she should read this, she already knows how much she is appreciated.

A church home is very important to me. After much searching, I recently joined the United Church of Christ. The motto of UCC, "God Is Still Speaking", is very relevant. As I said in a previous post, I have come to the realization that if I live my life as a Christian first, and a transexual secondly, those things which are right and good will be achieved......and there is much to be achieved.

I view new years eve as 'the end of the beginning'. Life until this day is the beginning. Now the beginning has ended, and the future is at hand.

Let's get on with it.

"Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."
Helen Keller